[ Alan quiets for a moment as Jesse's words wash over him. He's drifting in his thoughts but not washing away, although flashes of memories are resurfacing: standing with Alice as the sunrises, waiting inside a room in the sheriff's station, and... standing by a wall with his ear pressed to the surface as if listening intently for something.
No, he knows that he had help along the way, more people than he could ever hope to count or even name. But Jesse saved him; she came when he called out to her, and she helped him when he wasn't able to help himself. He does love her, and he knows he'll never stop loving her, no matter what obstacles they still have to navigate.
Her gaze seems to fall, and he feels a sense of worry grip him, wondering what's on her mind. It must be his fault, because of his inability to do more than just float along, just existing and not living. She said he shouldn't push himself, but he can't see what else he can do. He has to do something. ]
But it's not enough, is it? You want more, and you deserve more. I should be giving you more.
[ If only he felt more settled. If only he felt like he was really living again. Then, it wouldn't be difficult at all to just walk into a store and find a set of rings for both of them. He'd marry her in a second with no hesitation at all, if not for the fact that he's still trying to ground himself. He's still trying to just live. ]
All right. And after we've done that, we'll find something for you too. [ Something for both of them, if it all goes well. It has to go well. It's gone wrong too many times already, and that has to change now. ]
So, where to now? [ He's realizing he doesn't actually know where anything is around here anymore; things change after thirteen years, and the places Alan might have shopped at before may not even still be around. ]
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No, he knows that he had help along the way, more people than he could ever hope to count or even name. But Jesse saved him; she came when he called out to her, and she helped him when he wasn't able to help himself. He does love her, and he knows he'll never stop loving her, no matter what obstacles they still have to navigate.
Her gaze seems to fall, and he feels a sense of worry grip him, wondering what's on her mind. It must be his fault, because of his inability to do more than just float along, just existing and not living. She said he shouldn't push himself, but he can't see what else he can do. He has to do something. ]
But it's not enough, is it? You want more, and you deserve more. I should be giving you more.
[ If only he felt more settled. If only he felt like he was really living again. Then, it wouldn't be difficult at all to just walk into a store and find a set of rings for both of them. He'd marry her in a second with no hesitation at all, if not for the fact that he's still trying to ground himself. He's still trying to just live. ]
All right. And after we've done that, we'll find something for you too. [ Something for both of them, if it all goes well. It has to go well. It's gone wrong too many times already, and that has to change now. ]
So, where to now? [ He's realizing he doesn't actually know where anything is around here anymore; things change after thirteen years, and the places Alan might have shopped at before may not even still be around. ]