But what if it did? There's always going to be a chance that it got out, that it got into something, so that means I can't take any chances, not ever. What I did was bad enough; I don't ever want to do anything like that again, because- because think of how many people might get caught in the crosshairs.
[ His mind conjures up an all-out war between the Bureau and the Dark Place, and this time, he doesn't think there'd be any survivors. It might be on the Bureau's home turf, but the Dark Presence is already powerful. What if it somehow became even more powerful, even away from Cauldron Lake? No, he knows he can't ever have anything to do with Cauldron Lake again, because the risks are too great. ]
We're in New York; it's like- well, it was a huge arts center back in the day, I think. There's probably something we can find to do. I owe you a date, or ten.
[ He's trying as hard as he can to sound normal, to act normal and talk about normal things, but it all feels wrong to him in his mind. Still, he's trying and putting in the effort, because Jesse deserves it. It won't stop him from feeling terrified every time he turns a corner, and it won't stop the constant stream of dark images that filter through his mind, but- he hopes that with time, the dark images get replaced by other ones: happier ones. Maybe he never will ever be fully recovered, but he knows he wants to get as close to it as he can. Still, it's not something he can force; he has to take it a day at a time.
He shifts so that he can gently lean his head against hers even as he continues rubbing her hand, tracing patterns along the callouses and scars that he's already starting to memorize. ]
Sounds good.
[ He still doesn't have a lot of confidence in himself to actually carry out the actions that most people do without even thinking, but... well, at least he can still do this. His lips turn up into a wider smile and he leans in again so that he can press a kiss to her cheek. At least he can still kiss her; hopefully it feels good to her and doesn't feel like something repulsive or unwanted.
Alan's expression shifts slightly as Jesse starts talking about messages she tried to send in an effort to reach him. ]
Someone else? Me, but not me. That sounds familiar, because I did something like that a handful of times too. I really missed you and I wanted to hear your voice so I tried to reach out. I found you, but it wasn't you. Well, it was, but you were younger. Different. I wanted to help you too.
no subject
[ His mind conjures up an all-out war between the Bureau and the Dark Place, and this time, he doesn't think there'd be any survivors. It might be on the Bureau's home turf, but the Dark Presence is already powerful. What if it somehow became even more powerful, even away from Cauldron Lake? No, he knows he can't ever have anything to do with Cauldron Lake again, because the risks are too great. ]
We're in New York; it's like- well, it was a huge arts center back in the day, I think. There's probably something we can find to do. I owe you a date, or ten.
[ He's trying as hard as he can to sound normal, to act normal and talk about normal things, but it all feels wrong to him in his mind. Still, he's trying and putting in the effort, because Jesse deserves it. It won't stop him from feeling terrified every time he turns a corner, and it won't stop the constant stream of dark images that filter through his mind, but- he hopes that with time, the dark images get replaced by other ones: happier ones. Maybe he never will ever be fully recovered, but he knows he wants to get as close to it as he can. Still, it's not something he can force; he has to take it a day at a time.
He shifts so that he can gently lean his head against hers even as he continues rubbing her hand, tracing patterns along the callouses and scars that he's already starting to memorize. ]
Sounds good.
[ He still doesn't have a lot of confidence in himself to actually carry out the actions that most people do without even thinking, but... well, at least he can still do this. His lips turn up into a wider smile and he leans in again so that he can press a kiss to her cheek. At least he can still kiss her; hopefully it feels good to her and doesn't feel like something repulsive or unwanted.
Alan's expression shifts slightly as Jesse starts talking about messages she tried to send in an effort to reach him. ]
Someone else? Me, but not me. That sounds familiar, because I did something like that a handful of times too. I really missed you and I wanted to hear your voice so I tried to reach out. I found you, but it wasn't you. Well, it was, but you were younger. Different. I wanted to help you too.