oceanview || ❝ made a promise i'm coming out alive. ❞

[outlierdirector]

OCEANVIEW III

and now i'm wide awake.

Oh, I died like a million times.
Through the waves, I break
The nightmares finally over CODE BY TESSISAMESS

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[outlierdirector]

[ « I don't want just moments. »

The thought feels familiar. She must have said it or thought it at one point or another in the various times around. It resonates inside her and she knows this is a conversation that in some form has happened. Not the words but the sentiments. Hopelessness isn't here this time, but the pain of knowing all they have is moments is what hangs inside her. Unresolved.

Eyes close again and she hopes he doesn't notice the few more tears that manage to slide down her cheeks. She's so tired of crying in front of him. What happened to her? She never cried in front of people before. Now...

Pain twinges in her back. Her hands flex in reaction. Jesse begins to move downwards on her side. The tug at his suit jacket is given for him to follow her. Laying down might be better for the both of them. Just for now. ]

Okay. [ Soft, hushed, almost whispered.

He probably needs the comfort more than she does at the moment. ]

[crazyisinevitable]

[ When Alan's wits are about him, not much escapes his notice. He's used to observing people, watching and listening and taking note of what they do and say. And Jesse is someone he never minds observing. He wants to memorize her: how she reacts, how she speaks, how she moves. Some might call that disturbing or creepy or too invasive, but in Alan's mind, it's an extension of how much he loves her. If she told him to stop, he would, of course.

He notices the tears that leak from her eyes to slide down her cheeks, and he notices the way she seems to jerk just a bit, pointing to a sudden discomfort. He wants to reach out to try and carefully touch her, to comfort her, forgetting his own rather rattled and startled state of mind, because as always, her needs are a greater priority than his own. But before he can do that, she's tugging on his jacket, asking him to follow her as she moves to lie on her side.

Without hesitation, he follows until he's lying down beside her. ]

... Tell me something you need. Tell me how I can help. I haven't helped you very much, but I want to change that. I want to help you. [ Somehow. I have to help, because I know I haven't been very helpful at all. ]

[outlierdirector]

[ Jesse remains silent at his request. Green eyes filled with water shift downwards. Anything she could ever ask him for or tell him she needs would be impossible for him to give. Not because he wouldn't do those things. He can't. The story, Scratch. They won't let him give those few simple things.

Still, he needs an answer. Deserves one. He won't think he would because of the hell she's been through because of him. In her mind? She does because he gave her something she has never had before. A friendship (at the very least) with someone like her. A connection. Something so human that she never wants to let go of it and feel inhuman again.

« I have to let him go. I don't... I don't want to. Don't make me do this. Please. Don't make it so he is dimensions away like Dylan is. Please. I want them home. »

Even though it's useless to say it to Polaris? She does anyway. That way something hears her. It isn't Polaris's fault. She doesn't blame her best friend. She just needs someone to listen.

Her head lowers. Forehead gently presses to his cheat. Hands curl into fists as she hides the last wall shattering down. He can't see her like this. It needs her to be the Direcfor. He can't... ]

Come home. [ Her voice breaks and is barely above a whisper. Her fists begin to shake. It feels like losing Polaris all over again. Like losing Dylan again. She's more powerful than both those times and still, she can't keep someone with her.

She lowers her head further. Her voice is thick with the emotions and tears she refuses to let out, but they try to escape regardless. She won't let them. ] I--I want you and Dylan home. Just, come home.

[ « Please. »

She knows he had just made the declaration that they will go home. They'll be together. Still, those are the words that come out. Repeated for emphasis. Just so he knows how much she wants to have their ending. How much he means to her. How important their crazy screwed up relationship formed over all these loops is to her. ]

[crazyisinevitable]

[ He'd have to be blind and completely unperceptive to miss how she's wrestling with things... no, not things. She's wrestling with everything. And a good portion of that everything is his fault.

He feels a compelling force to reach out for her, to take her hands in his and just hold her and apologize for everything he's putting her through. She probably would say she doesn't want his apologies; she just wants him home. But that doesn't change the fact that he feels he needs to offer those apologies.

But before he can do anything, she's leaning into him, pressing her forehead against him and... Oh.

He opens his mouth to respond, but something unexpected happens before he can. It's an image, an echo. He's seen echoes before, heard the words that the echo said, but somehow, this is different. There's no audible words, just a face, a man who looks like he's wearing a suit, but then the suit fades into something else: a strange kind of uniform. Alan has to squint to see what's printed on it. P6.

The man doesn't speak, but he reaches his hand out for Alan, before the image fades.

What was that? Who was that? I think he's important to... What? ]

We're going to come home. Both of us. Dylan and I are going to both come home.

[ And then he really does pull her in closer, shielding her as best as he can with his frame. Maybe someone with more bulk to them could do a better job of protectively shielding her, but Alan's not thinking about that hypothetical someone else. He's just thinking about comforting Jesse. That's all that matters right now. ]