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outlierdirector) wrote in
synthneon2023-11-29 09:38 pm
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oceanview (different path) || ❝ turn the page i need to see something new. ❞
You were there by my side on the frontline
When I thought that I fought without a cause
You gave me a reason to try
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[ Polaris tugs at Jesse's mind before Alan even begins to move. Her head shoots up from his shoulder, stepping a half step back to look at him. He begins to move and her arms shift to try and support him against the wall. His hand rests on the top of her head, but the worried expression doesn't change.
« What's wrong? Did--did the jerk in charge of this do something to him? He needs to sit down. W-where's a chair? »
She turns to begin looking around for a chair to borrow. Barry raises a hand and waves it side to side, already on the way with the requested chair. Jesse steps away long enough for the chair to be put in front of the two. She stands almost perfectly still, eyes moving between each player in the room. ]
"As for your question? Al, did that quack give you something? You've been in Bright Falls over a week. You know. That week you're missing memories from? You wrote this entire manuscript--allegedly--in one week. Now, I'm not doubting when you put your mind to things, but this is some crazy shit to have written in a week."
[ « He really loves the sound of his own voice, doesn't he? »
Polaris shifts in amusement. ]
"Of course I'd come get you. Besides being your agent, we're best friends!"
[ Jesse pauses, remaining silent. Her eyes shift to the side slightly.
« Best friends, huh? I wouldn't know what thats like. You're my best friend... but I'm pretty sure it's not the same thing. » ]
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Shit, I'm sorry, I don't even know why that happened. I'm fine, really. I just- I just need a moment.
[ A moment to figure out what the hell is going on and what the hell I was dreaming about before I woke up. None of this makes any sense. It wasn't making sense before, but now it's making even less. What the hell am I supposed to do?
Alan registers the scuff of the chair on the floor as Barry drags it into place, but even though he's still leaning heavily against the wall, he doesn't move to drop into the chair just yet. ]
A- a sedative, I think he said it was. He said... [ Alan stops, pressing a hand against his forehead as he tries to remember. ] Delusions? Confusion? Did I go insane and no one told me?
[ This is some crazy shit to have written in a week.
Alan pins Barry with a glance that's equal parts desperate, wild, and confused. ]
Barry, tell me I'm not going insane. I'm not losing my mind.
[ He is my best friend. I've known him for so long, he wouldn't hide the truth from me if I really am going insane, but if I'm not... he'd tell me, He wouldn't screw with me. Jesse wouldn't screw with me either. ]
Jesse? Do you think I'm going crazy?
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[ « Back in New York. »
Jesse is careful not to let her expression change or let her eyes show the quake of emotion that ripples through her. Even Barry is certain Alan is going to go back home after this. Probably back to Alice... work out their marriage. That should be the happy ending that comes from this. Still, Jesse can't help the feeling of a knife going through her rib cage at the idea.
『 Just try telling him, Jesse. 』
The words from the other Alan echo in her mind for a brief moment. She can't tell him here, not with Barry present at well. Even she can feel the tug of reality trying to get them to act and pace with the story. It happens every time Alice is even mentioned. Jesse can't argue with it, because if his wife is in danger? They need to save her. That should be priority.
Not whatever is happening or maybe not happening between her and Alan. ]
"Al, come on. You've always been a little weird. Crazy? Not like this. Your weird doesn't equal out go insane bird swarms or people being possessed by shadows! If you're losing you mind, pal, I've lost it with you."
[ Jesse feels the two men look at her then. She glances between them, shoulders curling slightly defensively. The feeling returns that she just can't tell Alan about Ordinary. Not the details. Not Polaris. Which means a huge chunk of her is hidden from him... and it will probably drive him away.
She shakes her head before looking down at her feet. ]
No. [ Her eyes dart to the side. ] This is real. Things like this happen... people just pretend they don't.
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I don't know, Barry, maybe there was more in that sedative than just a sedative... something memory altering, maybe. I guess- I guess I just need to forget about the sedative and Hartman and focus on what's important. Before you sue the pants off him, you're gonna help, right? We're going to find Alice and figure out whatever the hell is going on with this story, and then...
[ And then what? I shouldn't expect Jesse to stick around, but I want to go on that coffee date. I think I mentioned getting coffee. Even if I didn't, that's what I want to do: get coffee and get to know her. ]
Leave it to good old Barry Wheeler to tell it like it is. [ But Alan's smiling, and it's a genuine one, even if it looks like more of a smirk. ] That helps, Barry, it really does. And Jesse, you're helping too. I'm- thanks for coming, both of you.
So the short version of this is: this is insane but it's real. Too real, but we're way past the point of closing our eyes and going lalala. But what do we do now? I don't know about you two, but I don't have a lead to work with here, and I don't think punching Hartman in the nose counts as a lead.
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[ Jesse shifts slightly, moving back a few steps as the two talk. Distance put between them. That feeling of being an outsider begins to claw at her again. The reminder she is seemingly was only here to play a part that only Polaris seems to understand. These relationships are between people older than her, who are close to one another, who have lived decades together. Her gaze drifts down then to the side.
« It's not just Ordinary that felt that way. It's here too. Why did you bring me somewhere I don't belong? »
A forced smile comes go her face at Alan's thanks. The practiced one that makes her seem normal. The early mechanisms an older version of her has perfected. ]
"Jesse mentioned something about having those manuscript pages on her still. I overheard the muscle and Hartman. They've got more here in the Lodge. How about we do some property RETURNING, eh? Come on, whatta say?"
[ Jesse feels her shoulders tense. That familiar tug from reality shifting around them comes again. The story demanding that it be the only thing to follow--using everyone to it's benefit. Even Alan. Her fingers curl slightly at her sides.
« What happens if the story takes over him entirely and he doesn't see mee anymore? » ]
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[ Not that I really have a life, but whatever. I have to stop this craziness, but I can't do it by myself. At least, I don't think I can. I don't want to do it by myself.
Alan considers Barry's suggestion, but he realizes he's not entirely sure what they should do next. ]
What do you think, Jesse? [ He can feel the tug of the story too, but he's stubbornly trying to ignore it. He can't help that he's always been stubborn and never liked being pulled in a direction he doesn't want to go. ]
I don't want to let Hartman have the satisfaction of knowing he messed with me and got away with it.
[ I don't want to be used by Hartman or anyone. So I'm going to keep following this as long as I can. ]
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[ Jesse feels her fingers curl slightly more into her palm. Nothing Barry says is wrong, but it feels like a further strike against a bruise in her chest. That same feeling when an injury is re-injured. A reminder that what she feels for Alan shouldn't matter. He has a wife he's married to. One who needs to be saved so they can return home.
She feels pushed further away. Those protective walls start to return, even if only a trained eye can tell. Not that she expects it to be noticed with how engrossed Alan and Barry are in figuring out what to do next.
« I'm just here to play the part you need me to play, Polaris. Then, we're leaving. Somewhere else. I don't care where as long as it takes me closer to Dylan. » ]
We have to follow the story if you want to save your wife. [ Jesse is already moving behind the cutout to grab the backpack she has carried with her. The one that has the manuscripts. ] So, we do that.
[ Barry turns to watch her, shaking his head. ] "You'll have to share the back seat with the cut out! It's my war trophy from all this."
...Really? [ Jesse raises her eyebrows at Barry, but shakes her head and puts her backpack on. ] Okay.
[ Barry waves her off before returning his attention to Alan. ] "So, we need to get out of here and find those manuscript pages. Maybe punch Hartman on the way out."
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[ A look of grim resignation takes Alan's face, because he hates this. He hates everything about it. He never asked for any of this to happen, but it happened and now he's stuck until he finds a way to end it. If he can end it. ]
I don't know why it needs a story, but it's trying to make something happen, trying to reach some goal... Take over the world, maybe? [ He shakes his head. ] I thought that kind of thing only happened in TV shows.
[ But then he pins Barry with a look, and there's something inscrutable in his eyes. Hurt, maybe, and a side of anger, but mostly... He just looks hurt. Not because of anything Barry said, but because of his own actions. His own shortcomings. ]
She's not my wife, Barry. Or... soon, she won't be. [ His fists curl and he clenches them tightly. ] Damn it, I love her, but- we're over. We're through.
[ It's my fault. I don't want to talk about this anymore. I- I hate this.
Alan's noticed how Jesse seems to be pulling back from participating in the conversation, and he opens his mouth to say something, but he never finishes the thought that was on his mind. ]
We're getting a divorce. [ His tone is flat now, resigned but still clearly upset about it. ] I want to save her, but she isn't my wife. [ He shakes his head and rolls his eyes. ] Might as well get used to saying it, right?
[ He watches in silence as Jesse grabs her backpack and listens as the two of them briefly scuffle about seating arrangements and the cutout. Suddenly, he can't shake the feeling that nothing matters. Saving Alice matters, but does anything else?
He can't shake that feeling of futility that's settled in and won't let go. ]
Fine. Let's go find those pages and... Yeah. Let's go.
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[ For as much of an asshole as Barry Wheeler could be? He's not entirely clueless. A few steps and he comes over to stand next to Alan. A hand rests in his back. ]
"Come on, don't be that way, Al. The divorce isn't filed. There's still a chance to turn it around. Especially if you save her! You know, prove you've changed."
[ Jesse glances over at the two. Her eyes dart from one to the other before looking down. The feeling of intruding returns in full force. She turns away, changing her attention to finding a way out of the room.
She comes across a door. With a few tries she finds it's closed, but lose. She tries once more and it budges. Jesse stumbles inside, but finds a darkened room. Pages on the table, and the gun Alan has been sporting this entire time.
She picks up the pages and begins to flip through them. ]
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[ Some guy who's realizing that he's staring down a divorce, and once it goes through, that's the end of his relationship with Alice. Well, technically, it's already over, just not on paper.
He doesn't have a response for Barry, just fixing him with another stare, but then his attention is drawn away by movement. ]
Jesse? [ He glances at Barry. ] Just a second, huh?
[ Something seems to be drawing him in Jesse's direction, even though he's not quite sure what. Maybe it's that conversation he had with the other Jesse echoing in his mind, but something tells him he can't just let this Jesse go off on her own, so he follows her. ]
Hey. You okay?
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[ Jesse glances over her shoulder as Alan joins her in the other room. She pauses, but then turns slowly to him with the newly found manuscripts in hand. Green eyes lift from them to his gray ones. A slight frown on her face, expecting to be coraled along with the story and her place on the sidelines re-inforced. Eyes eventually fall before she holds the manuscript pages up to him. ]
Your gun is here too.
[ It's hardly an answer for his question, yet, in a way it is. Jesse is far from someone to open up with strangers around her. Alan should be a stranger. Except that something inside her insists that he isn't. He's someone to make her stronger and brighter. But, Jesse doesn't want to stand out. She simply wants to find her brother and be a family again.
How can she be anything to Alan of he loves his wife so much?
She looks down at the papers in her hand again with a frown. ] Don't get thrown off a cliff again. Okay?
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He watches her with something close to worry in his expression, because even though he doesn't know her well, he can tell that something is upsetting her. ]
Great, thanks. Really. And I'll do my best not to go over any cliffs, but that's not why I followed you in here. [ He doesn't care about the gun, or the pages, or this story that seems like a load of crap in his opinion. ]
I wanted to ask about you. Are you okay?
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A glance is sent towards Barry, making sure he is preoccupied with the cutout. Then, eyes dart back down to the space between them.
« No, Polaris. I can't tell him. He barely understands what's going on now. I want to... but... look at him. Alan isn't ready to hear it. He may never be ready to hear or know. What matters is helping him and getting his wife back. Right? That's why you brought me here. To help stop whatever is going on. I don't know how I'm supposed to... »
Her eyebrows knit slightly before pulling the manuscripts in against her chest. A long pause happens between them before Jesse finally lowers her head. Her forehead presses to his shoulder again. With her face hidden, she let's that protective wall down. Shoulders curl and her eyebrows pull together. That panic returns to some degree with water burning at her eyes. ]
Don't get thrown off a cliff again. [ Jesse repeats herself, voice smaller and her tones vulnerable. She can't bring herself to say it in the words in her mind: Don't disappear on me like everyone else. You're not allowed to. I won't let you go away like everyone else.
Her forehead tilts to press forward into his shoulder more. ] Don't run off without me again.
[ « I don't know what I can do to help him. What I'm supposed to do. But, I'll run after him if he tries to leave us behind again. » ]
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He stares at Jesse, confusion plain in his eyes, but behind the confusion, there's a kind of longing too: longing he's reasonably sure he shouldn't be feeling, but he can't just shut it off. Still, whatever's going on with him isn't nearly as important as whatever's going on with Jesse. The way she's standing isn't the posture of someone who's completely fine. It's the posture of someone who's upset and very much not okay. He should have known that before he asked, but he wanted to hear it from her.
She presses her forehead into his shoulder, and immediately, his arms wrap around her, pulling her in. He's not much of a shield, and he never imagined he'd be holding someone like this, but he finds he wants to do it. He wants to be whatever protection he can be, even if it's not much. He's still not entirely sure why she would choose to stick with him, because he's really not a good guy. His life is this side of messed up, and it looks like it's about to get a lot more complicated; why would anyone choose him? But as long as she wants to stay, he'll take it. ]
I won't. I'm staying right here. [ Screw this story and screw whatever it's trying to make happen. ] If I have to run off anywhere, you're going with me. But if you want to get off this train anytime, no hard feelings.
[ I still don't know why she'd choose to stay, but I'm for it as long as she is. ]
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« He doesn't know YOU. My supposedly imaginary friend. He knows about a friend, but, I can't tell him more than that. He would never look at me the same way. Just another person who sees crazy Jesse Faden, talking to the voice in her head. »
Arms curl around the manuscript pages further. ]
There's no getting off this train, Alan. [ A frown tugs on her face. « Dylan loved trains. » ] Not really. You can pretend, but you're always aware the train exists. Even if you put a poster to cover the hole on the wall? You always know the hole is there.
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But even with those realizations circling in his mind, he feels his resolve growing. He's going to hold onto her as tightly as he can, and he'll have to be pried away from her if the story wants to push them apart. Maybe he hasn't realized it in so many words, but he wants to know her. He wants to see the way she sees the world. He wants to be in that world with her. ]
Yeah. I'm getting that feeling. Whether I like it or not, I'm stuck. But- you know what? The company's pretty good. Really good, actually. [ He pauses at the mention of a poster on the wall, and then he just gives a half smirk. ]
I never liked posters anyway.
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When it's Hartman's smug face? I can't blame you. [ A finger raises from his arm to gesture to the picture on the wall nearby. It stands out even though the room is dark. She figures they're in Hartman's office, which makes her willing to dig her feet in just a bit more. Just to push it in the therapist's face.
Instead, Jesse rubs her cheek into his shoulder. A small amount, almost like a cat making themselves comfortable in blankets. ] No one has ever said that to me. That I'm "good company."
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Let me tell you, it's not the kind of face you want to see anywhere, but definitely not when you're waking up from being drugged. [ Alan's tone is light and his smile hasn't dropped off, but there's a hint of tightness in it that wasn't there just seconds ago. ] You ever see someone's picture and think about drawing on it to deface it? Yeah, that's kind of how I feel.
[ His smile widens when she rubs her cheek against his shoulder. He's not sure what it is about the gesture that he likes, but- well, he likes it, and he moves his hand from her shoulder to cautiously touch the ends of her hair. ] Really? Well, trust me when I say that you are.
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[ Jesse glances up at him. The small smile is in her eyes. Green eyes that are bright but are missing a certain shimmer and light that her older counterpart seemed to have. Maybe it's age and wisdom, or something else. Something that's waiting to be unlocked inside her when the time is right.
She moves to speak again when the power cuts. Darkness covers the room. Her hold tightens and she looks around. Ambient light floods from the windows with a storm approaching. Barry is yelling in the room next door. She looks side to side, trying to determine if something is going to jump from the shadows or not. ]
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Unless... unless you wanted to sit down with me.
[ He knows he wouldn't mind having a quiet moment with her, either talking or simply sitting in silence. He opens his mouth to suggest it, almost at the same time that she starts to speak again, when the power abruptly dies. Alan stiffens and although he doesn't stop holding her, there's a sudden unease in his eyes that wasn't there just seconds ago. ]
Shit, that's not good. Hey, let's go back to make sure Barry's good, okay? Then we can pick this up again. [ Whatever this is.
Instinctively, his hand reaches for hers, intending to hold hers as they make their way back to join Barry. ]
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Would he want her to?
Her hand around his arm curls more to give support. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see how the Darkness has started to affect Alan. She motions for him to grab the gun and flashlight. They might have to fight. ]
Yeah. We should. [ Jesse nods.
Once she's made sure that Alan is alright and armed? She opens the door. A step in, a "Wheeler?" said before she gasps.
Hartman is there, gun in hand, Barry with his hands up. ]
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Maybe it doesn't tell her anything, but he leans into her just slightly as her hand curls around his arm. He wants closeness with her, both on a physical level and perhaps on a more intimate one as well. He wants to tell the story that it has to wait, that getting to know Jesse is more important. But maybe the most he can have is just keeping Jesse with him, until she says she wants to leave. He'll take what he can get. ]
I hope I'm wrong, but I have a sinking feeling about all this. [ He says as she opens the door and they're greeted by the sight of an armed Hartman and Barry with his hands up. With a speed Alan didn't know he had, he turns his own gun on Hartman and knowing that this could very well get him shot, he winds up one hand and as quickly as he can, closes the gap between them and tries to punch him in the face. Again.
No, he doesn't have any issues at all concerning Hartman. ]
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"Don't let up, Al!"
[ Jesse lowers her out stetched hands, glancing between all three men. That subtle shift in reality brushes along her and she realizes what is happening. The story has subtly taken over once more. Arms come around her once again to hold the manuscript pages close. Protectively. ]
Ah, well. It was worth the shot. [ Hartman stands gun in hand, staring at the three in the room. His eyes linger on Jesse only to narrow at her, annoyed she and Barry are even there. He looks back at Alan. ] Let's be frank, Alan. We both know the Lake can change things through art. If you and I work together we can change the world to how we want. You could have your failing marriage back--your success back!
"Yeah, what about you? You're no good Samaritan, Hartman." [ Barry pipes up. ] "You've got an angle."
Yes, well, I will finally he proven right. It's a powerful motivator. [ Hartman dismisses Barry's question before turning his gaze back to Alan, bleeding nose and all. ] Let's put all this behind us, Alan. Get to work on saving your wife and then we can change the world!
"Don't listen to him, Al! He kidnapped and drugged you! Kept me and the kid locked up!"
[ A small realization comes to Hartman's face. He turns his gaze to look once more at Jesse. His eyes narrow.
Jesse feels a chill shoot up her spine. She firmly plants her feet on the spot, but it isn't hard to see that it isn't her Hartman is looking at.
He's looking at Polaris. Or, trying to. ]
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That is, until something he said registers and Alan just pins him with a glance. ]
What the hell are you talking about? "Change the world"? What do you care about changing the world? Oh, I get it, you want it to be how you want it.
[ Alan shakes his head. He knows he's not the most selfless man ever, but he doesn't go around talking about changing the world to make it how he wants it to be. ]
How do you even know that's how any of it works? What if- What if you get something worse in exchange for getting what you want? [ Alan isn't speaking from any kind of experience, but he can't help but feel that making any sort of deal with anything bigger than them is just asking for trouble. ]
I... I want to win Alice over, to get her back, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to become the world's greatest writer, but-
[ Alan's had his moments of being an arrogant ass, and he knows it, but he's not so far up his own ass that he can't see that doing something like what Hartman's talking about could have consequences. ]
That's your motivation? Being right? [ Alan scoffs. ] That's a pretty sad motivator, man.
[ Barry's reminder just seals the deal for him, really. Hartman's off his rocker and although he can't pretend he doesn't feel the lure of Hartman's grand ideas, he knows he doesn't trust the man at all.
He opens his mouth to say something else, but then he notices the look on Hartman's face. ]
Hey, Hartman, what do you think you're looking at?
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« I can't. I ran once. Dylan...he... I left him! I can't leave anyone else! » ]
We both know you're a bit more than you're leading these men to believe, girl. Do yourself a favor. Hand over those pages and I'll allow you to leave without issue.
[ Jesse looks between Alan and Barry. A frown touches her face. They won't believe Hartman, will they? ]
I'm sure they've noticed by now you're here whenever it's convienent.
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