[ He hates this, probably just as much as she does. He wants to come home, but he knows that he can't, not until everything's finished. Maybe there's a part of him that knew he jumped in over his head, literally, as soon as he did the deed. Maybe he had a terrible sinking feeling that he acted too rashly. But he could have all the sinking feelings in the world, and none of them would get him out again.

I'm not going to tell her that maybe I made a mistake. That wouldn't help, even if it's true... even if I'm- Nothing. It's not important.

He's not even sure why he's talking things out in his head; it's not going to change anything or do anything to ease his nerves. It won't help Jesse if she knows what's going through his mind.

He doesn't stop brushing her hair with his fingers, and even if he does notice the dirt in her hair, it doesn't bother him. He doesn't even stop to think about it. What's most important here is making her feel good. He's never been really great at soothing anyone, although maybe he wasn't totally hopeless at it when things were good between him and Alice, but Jesse hasn't pulled away from him. Maybe she likes how this feels. I hope she does, anyway.

He keeps up the motions even as the shifts more to rub her cheek into his shirt. ]

It sounds similar, but not similar at the same time. I- I think it feels like you've been detached... detached from yourself, or maybe it's more like it's easier for your thoughts to wander away from you. That part feels aimless. I wonder if the slide projector leads here too. Not that I want anyone looking into that.