[ The acceptance of the fact that Alan won't be coming with her still hurts. Knowing that once whatever they've found themselves involved with this time ends and he'll be gone again? It makes her lean more against him and hands curl further into his shirt. The content sigh reaches her ears. She's anything but content. It... it feels like there is a storm inside her that she can't stop.

What if I break before he comes home?

His fingers brush her hair down. Instantly, she feels a guilt rise inside her. How can he not feel the dirt in her hair? How long has it been since she properly showered, cleaned off, and felt like something other than a mess? The Arizona dust and dirt is probably evident on her clothes. It's been a handful of hours since she's eaten. All she can realize in that moment is how much of a mess she's become.

How out of control she's spun out since Polaris has gone away.

Dylan, her parents, Alan, Polaris.

Who is left to really be anything but a mess for?

I can't be like this anymore. I can't be this person. I don't... I don't like who this is. This isn't me. I'm not out of control. I'm not a mess.

She blinks a few times and rubs her cheek into his shirt. She needs to pull herself together. No more going to pieces around him.

The description he gives isn't something she really knows. It sounds like one thing she can recall. Maybe it won't help at all. ]

One of the doorways the slide projector took us to was... it was Neil's favorite place. You felt like you were floating and just aimlessly being. I didn't like it. I didn't like feeling I couldn't control it. When we came back from it? Everything around us had melted. [ A pause. ] It's not the same as some sort of ... water thing. But, maybe that helps?