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synthneon2023-11-01 01:57 am
outlierdirector) wrote in synthneon2023-11-01 01:57 am
oceanview || ❝ i must guide my love through the night. ❞
I cannot feel her by my side
Even in this placе inside my mind
no subject
He watches as Jesse moves to stand between him and Tim, feeling resignation fall over him like a cloak landing on his shoulders. If Tim's here, it's not just to say hello. ]
If I get out of here. [ He knows he needs to believe in it for himself, as Jesse keeps reminding him. But the path in front of him is long and winding, and winds back on itself, so he really has a hard time not doubting that what he wants will ever become reality. ] I figured. As much as I want you to stay, Jesse, you can't. Not forever.
[ He smiles a sad sort of smile when she protests, stating that she's not leaving. He watches how the gun in her hand moves as if responding to her upset. He knows that she'll argue and try to hold her ground, but the truth is, Tim's right. It's not safe for her here. It's not safe for Tim either, but Alan's still trying to find a way to send him home too. Somehow.
But just like that, Alan can sense the same thing Jesse's picking up on. Oh no... The darkness is stirring, rumbling, coming closer. Alan feels a spike of fear shoot through him. He really still is afraid of the dark even all these years later. He's terrified of the darkness carving him out again, pushing who he is down and burying him beneath dark waves. If it's going to happen, he doesn't want Jesse or Tim here to see it. Jesse's already seen it, but she doesn't need to see it again. Neither does Tim.
His expression having turned grim, Alan's gaze shifts to meet Tim's. He knows that truth; he's always known it. That doesn't mean he likes it, but there's no choice. No point in arguing. Jesse won't accept that, of course. ]
I know. You're right. He's right, Jesse. You... you have to go.
[ It hurts to have to say those words, and Alan feels his posture drop as his shoulders slide forward. He doesn't stop it, because while he could put on a brave face and look unbothered, it would be a lie. It's unavoidable; they have to go, but he hates it. He hates it with everything he has. ]
I'll see you again sometime. And I know I'll run into you again, Tim. [ He puts on the biggest smile that he can manage and forces himself to straighten up again. Now he has to put on that brave face, and he'll do it as best as he can. ]
no subject
« How can I leave him knowing that? He needs us. Maybe you more than me, but, I can't. I won't. Having to wait for Dylan is enough. » ]
Sorry, man. [ Tim apologies with everything he can. Given his point in time? He knows how close the two are. This isn't something he particularly wants to do. He's here to help his friend even if that friend can't see the road down the way just yet. ] For what it's worth? I can say it's not forever.
[ Jesse's green eyes narrow further at Tim. She can tell he's trying to smooth this over, but there's nothing to debate in her mind. Either she stays or Alan leaves with her. If he needs to fix the story? Then she'll stay to help that. Time doesn't match what it does in their reality to the Dark Place, right? That means she can do what she can until the story is fixed and the loops stop. If they can't stop the loops inside them? This is the next best option.
Not that she gets to argue any of those points, because Alan is saying "good-bye" in so many words. The Service Weapon remains pointed at the former Bright Falls Sherrif even as her green eyes immediately snap to Alan's gray ones. Her head barely turns, but it's enough to see the raging storm of, well, everything, in her look. ]
What?! No. No! [ Her tone is pointed like a weapon and sharp. ] You asked us to come here to help! I am not going to leave you here. It doesn't matter what either of you say! This is my decision!
[ Tim pauses in his half-step towards the two. He can't necessarily argue with Jesse's core point. The decisions are being made for her. He can't say he likes the idea of it all himself. There's not much he can do in the situation himself. He's tied to the events as much as she is. As much as Alan is. He just hasn't played that card yet.
Jesse lowers the Service Weapon in order to turn to Alan properly. ]
You can't just expect me to come when you need me then leave when you want! Why do you ask for me to help then tell me to leave?! I'm not some chess piece or toy for either of you to move me around as you want! If you're making me go, then this time, you're coming with me!
no subject
Her words slam into him, feeling like punches landing, but he doesn't flinch, at least not outwardly. His gaze falls, and his hands clench into fists, as if the action will further steel him in preparation for what's coming. He knows nothing could ever prepare him, but he has to at least try.
The storm in Jesse's eyes might as well be a real storm, as he feels the force of it slam against him too when she fixes her eyes on his. He has no arguments to give, because she's right. But Tim's also right. He's right in believing she can't stay forever, regardless of what he wants.
He finally speaks, and his tone is quiet. ] I'm being an asshole again, aren't I? I'm taking away your right to decide.
[ Even if it's not him in this moment making that decision. He's using what he's learned of this place and the way nothing about it is linear to tell him that the Tim in this room isn't the same Tim he keeps meeting in random places throughout the Dark Place. He can't know where exactly he's from, but he knows something. He knows more than Alan does at this exact moment.
Jesse finally turns to him, and he forces himself to keep meeting her gaze. ]
Jesse, you- You have helped me. [ Alan's tone somehow remains level, even though something inside him feels like it's breaking. And this time, he's not sure he can put it back together. ] You helped me even though I don't deserve it. I- [ He feels himself start to waver, but he doesn't want that to sound in his voice. Some of it leaks through anyway in spite of himself. ]
Do you think that I want to keep doing this? Keep calling you for help and then making you leave? I don't want you to go. [ It's just going to get harder, isn't it? If this keeps happening... maybe I should just stop. Not stop writing, but stop calling to her. Would that be better?
His hands shake with the effort it's taking him to remain as calm as he can be, even though everything inside him is anything but calm. His gaze shifts to Tim's for a moment. ]
I'm guessing you can't tell us what those instructions you were told are. [ Would it help her understand? Maybe not. But maybe it would. ]
no subject
The moment he asks that question, Jesse feels all of the raging emotions simmer. They don't disappear, but they lessen, as she finds it hard to even be angry with him when he acknowledges why she's upset. When this whole thing started? It was easier. When she didn't remember how much she loved him? It was easier. Now, all she feels is a different upset fill her. She knows exactly what that upset is and she doesn't want to name it. Naming it gives it more power and she needs that drive in something else right now.
Even if that upset hurts so much.
Her expression scrunched up. Has she really helped him at all? She pulls him out of the waters and he is always pulled back in. Nothing she does seems to keep him afloat. Not even coming into the Dark Place feels like it's helped now. Will he even remember all this happened? Will he realize the edits on the manuscript? Will he just stare at her name written all over this draft of Initiation and wonder who she is?
« If we're the only thing keeping him afloat, then we can't leave. You can't take the raft away from a drowning man. He won't survive. We can't leave. I can't leave. I'll keep fighting the Dark Presence for him. So he can write the ending he needs.
I don't let people down anymore. I don't fail them. I don't leave them behind. Never again. »
Her balled hand in his jacket tugs as if to make the point further. He either comes with her or she stays. Those are the only two options she'll allow to play out.
Tim frowns at Alan's question. Where does he begin? A sigh follows before reaching into his jean jacket. He holds up a piece of paper, a familiar one that has gone through a typewriter.
The back of the page faces the other two in the room as Tim really doesn't want to play this card. He had only intended to leave it behind for Alan once he did what the page said. That's still his plan. Jesse is just trying to make her own path, like she always does, and fight the story. Even if this time it's in her best interests to not fight. ]
You gave it to me. Well, will give it to me now, I guess. Said I'd know what it means and when to use it. Guess that time is now. [ Tim speaks gently as he can tell the charged emotions in the room. It's never been hard to tell how much Alan loves Jesse. Now he can see it on the other end. ] I can't ... really say much. But, even if it breaks the rules? It's going to work out. The loops are going to end. You just have to get to that end you both want.
[ Jesse doesn't take her eyes off Alan. Hearing what Tim has said hasn't changed her mind. It's made her more determined to stay. She channels her energy into the floor to root herself in the Writer's Room. ]
I'm not leaving.
Jesse--
--I'm not leaving you in the dark again! [ Jesse shouts at both of them, even with her eyes still on the writer and the words aimed at him. Scratch's story. Anything listening. A slight shake of her head, causing the curled strands to shift against her face. ] I don't care what "Initiation" says. Or "Return" or whatever other story, I'm not going!
[ Tim's gaze raises from the two as he heads a sound. It's not familiar to him, but he knows immediately what it is. Footsteps from the beyond the door. Not at the door, but walking towards it. A scratching sound that follows it. He knows they're really out of time now.
Jesse really does know how to burn away time for her own path.
He's suddenly behind Jesse. The former Sheriff wraps both of his arms around her and locks her against him. Jesse is immediately pushing against him, pulling, trying to fight him off. Tim looks straight at Alan and nods to the page on the floor. ]
Put it somewhere safe where you're going to find it and remember it. You need to give it to me. [ Tim nods firmly again. ] Sorry, Alan. Really, I am.
Get off of--[ Jesse's bright green eyes jump back to Alan's as a panicked look fills them.] Al--...
[ His name is cut off as she and Tim disappear. The Writer's Room falls silent again as if the other two and never been there. The glowing manuscript page rests on the floor where it was dropped. Beyond the door the scratching disgusting sound builds and frustration.
Scratch can't enter the room as long as the lights stay on. ]
no subject
That doesn't make Alan feel better about any of this. Maybe the truth of the matter is, he has neither words nor actions to use at his disposal. Didn't he say once that the words were gone, that he needed new words but couldn't find them? Maybe he's just been deluding himself this whole time, thinking that he could write the right words to fix the story and use both words and actions to tell Jesse that she's helping him along the way.
Maybe all he's been doing is stringing both of them along. Maybe there is no saving him. But there has to be, doesn't there? Why else would he have sent Tim with directions to do... soemthing? But what is that something? Alan as he is right now hasn't the slightest clue what that is. Maybe the paper Tim's holding will tell him. He'll probably hate it, but it has to have a purpose. Tim certainly seems to believe it does. ]
What is it? Why would I give it to you and tell you to come here now? [ Alan frowns and his eyebrows furrow. He always knew Jesse couldn't stay forever, but the timing of Tim's arrival is hardly desirable, even though he knows it's not the other man's fault. It's probably not even his future self's fault, although Alan wishes he could have waited just a little bit longer.
... Although, in reality, he would have always wanted just a little bit longer. ]
I can't see how the loops are going to end. I know the ending that I- that we want, but I don't- Will we ever get to that end?
[ When the darkness drags Alan away and then spits him back out, it really feels like he'll never see that ending. He believes in it, of course, but he's unsure if he'll ever see it. ]
Jesse- [ He says her name too, echoing Tim unwittingly, but he breaks off before he can say more. Her resolve to stay with him, to not leave him in the dark... it hits Alan like a ton of bricks. He's fought so long, but he hasn't been alone. Jesse and Tim have both helped him countless times along the way, and he doesn't feel like he's alone.
But he has a feeling that if Tim takes Jesse now, he might not see her again for a long time. He won't be alone, because he'll have the memory of them, unless the Dark Presence rips it away from him again, but the writer's room will be quiet. Quiet except for the sound of his typing and his pacing the floorboards. They'll be gone.
Maybe it's for the best, though. The Dark Place isn't safe for anyone. It's not safe for him, but it's definitely not safe for either of them. It would be selfish of him to ask Jesse to stay. He won't ask that, not ever. He'll come home to her, one day, but he won't ask her to stay here with him.
Alan freezes when he hears the sound at the door. He knows what it means, and he knows what's coming. They don't need to be here to see it. If they're here when it's over, they'll be in danger. His hand clenches into a fist as he watches the two people he cares about most around here, the only friendly faces he's seen, other than Ahti the janitor. They have to go before this place tears into them too. ]
I'll keep it safe, Tim. You- you should go. [ Alan's voice wavers and he seems to pale visibly, but he doesn't react more than that. ] Jesse, I...
[ That breaking sensation only grows worse, but there's nothing he can do about it. He watches Tim wrap his arms around her, watches her pushing against him trying to break free. He knows she can't, not this time.
He raises a hand to reach for her, to maybe touch her one last time, but he's too far away, and... and just like that, Tim and Jesse vanish as if they were never there. The page that Tim dropped is still where it fell, but Alan hasn't moved to pick it up yet.
Alan's hand falls to his side, and he just stands there staring motionless at the place where his two friends were. ]
... Goodbye.
[ He says it to the empty room, and after a moment, knowing that eventually the scratching will stop and darkness itself will invade the room again, Alan grabs the page off the floor, crosses to the desk, and falls into the chair.
Alone again. His eyes scan the page, and a strange feeling of familiarity that does nothing to counter the sudden loneliness he feels takes hold of him as he reads the words written on it. ]
no subject
[ Jesse's eyes widen slightly in worry at the Writer's paling face. The Dark Presence is coming back. She has to stay to help him. It's why he brought her here--to pull him out of the waters the Dark Presence pushes him under. There is a slightly shake of her head. She's not going.
She's staying here with him.
The next thing Jesse can truly register is the feeling and sounds of the Oceanview Motel.
The gentle music plays from some radio somewhere she can't truly ever locate. The lights are dimmed, as the connection to the Dark Place remains. Her own crazy wall is down the end of the hallway.
All Jesse can feel is numbness.
Tim gently unwraps his arms from her. He takes a step back. For a moment, Jesse simply stands where she is. The same spot she always shows up in before a loop begins. The same place the Light Switch Cord brings her.
The hallway filled with doors to places she can't reach.
She takes a half step, but finds herself crumbling down to her knees. Her hands catch her to help soften the blow. It's almost as if everything has been drained out of her at once. The constant fight against the Darkness within the Dark Place shows then, but her eyes are simply locked onto the floor of the Motel.
« I left him there. We left him there. After all of that... the show... everything... hes just THERE. Still. Stuck. What was the point of it?! What good is being awake going to do if its going to push him down again?! Why--why does this always happen? Why do I keep LEAVING people behind?! I'm supposed to be different now. I'm the Director! » ]
Jesse. For what it's worth? He's going to get out.
[ Jesse raises her eyes to Tim. He has moved past her and is standing up next to one of the chairs. In his hand is a dimly illuminated manuscript page, crumbled into a ball. Her eyebrows knit together. Alan... had left that page here. Hadn't he? He didn't want anyone to see it again. It... it was...
« Scratch. From the loop where he killed me. Why does "Tim" want it? » ]
Safe keeping. [ Tim's reacts almost as if he's heard her thoughts. ] I know Alan won't want to touch it at all. We can't risk someone or something getting a hold of it. So, I'll hang on to it now. Just like you keep holding onto the one he gave you. And... it might take a while, but, he'll come home, Jesse. I promise.
[ Jesse stares at the spot Tim stands even once he disappears as he had appeared in the room Alan remains trapped in. She shifts, leaning sideways until she hits a door. She leans entirely against it and closes her eyes. She doesn't need to see to know what door she's against. There's been plenty of shouting and pounding on it in hopes of somehow garnering the attention of the man on the otherside.
Jesse lowers her head and raises a hand to rest against the door. Then, her head leans against it too.
« I was supposed to bring him home. »
The manuscript rests in Alan's hands. Perfectly typed with no signs of edits or damage. Prestine. Everything on it happening as it should.