[ Yet, she doesn't feel like a hero. She doesn't feel as if she's made anything better, or easier, or saved anything. It feels like she's trying to shove her way into a current that loops and loops, but she can never really get through it to grab him. She misses every time. Sometimes she grabs onto his arm, his jacket, or never makes contact. Which is just an allegory to say she feels she's failing.
Failing to be the hero he said he needed.
« I don't want to let anyone down anymore. I'm the Director now. I can't be the girl who always failed everyone. But... that's all I feel I do when it comes to Alan, this story, this AWE. Like I'm not playing my part the right way. That MY way isn't the right way. Maybe that's the problem. The story wants it one way and I'm trying to change it. The way it wants will let the Shadow out and it can't happen. »
Jesse braces herself again for an answer she may not like. Something about her or her apartment or her life as being the head of the Buearu. How things might not be compatible once he's home and free of the Dark Place.
Except that's not the answer she gets.
Her eyes widen and expression falls into something of surprise, shock, maybe a little relief. ]
Really? [ Her tone is still small but there is humor in it--something even of a laugh. ] I have an alien in my head and you think snoring is going to be a problem?
[ This time, a small laugh does make its way out. She holds onto his messenger bag just a bit more. ]
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Failing to be the hero he said he needed.
« I don't want to let anyone down anymore. I'm the Director now. I can't be the girl who always failed everyone. But... that's all I feel I do when it comes to Alan, this story, this AWE. Like I'm not playing my part the right way. That MY way isn't the right way. Maybe that's the problem. The story wants it one way and I'm trying to change it. The way it wants will let the Shadow out and it can't happen. »
Jesse braces herself again for an answer she may not like. Something about her or her apartment or her life as being the head of the Buearu. How things might not be compatible once he's home and free of the Dark Place.
Except that's not the answer she gets.
Her eyes widen and expression falls into something of surprise, shock, maybe a little relief. ]
Really? [ Her tone is still small but there is humor in it--something even of a laugh. ] I have an alien in my head and you think snoring is going to be a problem?
[ This time, a small laugh does make its way out. She holds onto his messenger bag just a bit more. ]
Alan, you're so weird.