synthneon | bloody tears || ❝ our fate so darkly romantic, i will never leave your side. ❞

Entry tags:

bloody tears || ❝ our fate so darkly romantic, i will never leave your side. ❞

bloody tears

AU PLOTLINE

The land is wrought with terror
He roams the countryside...
A journey far from doner
Racing the setting sun this battle must be won CODE BY TESSISAMESS

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[ Lantaa's gaze softens at the expression in his eyes. She knows that look in his eyes. She has seen it, and it seems somehow burned into her very essence, no matter how many lives she is reborn in. Her fingers slide from his as she adjusts to lay atop him, then, they move to cup his face. Her fingers gently rest on his skin as she forces him to look at her.

She is certainly herself, but she is also Althea. While the memories of the past haunt her? She is still aware that this is a new life and not their first lives together. The time passed ages ago and nothing could bring them back. All she wishes from those days is her lives with him as they promised one another. ]

Aymeric, [ she presses her forehead to his gently, ] Costas. We are here now--in this life. Even if we are parted from again and again before... this life you promised would be different. Remember? [ A gentle nudge is given to his nose. ] You found me in the sea; you pulled me up into your arms.

[ Lantaa gently kisses his cheek. ] You're here with me now.

[ He hears her words and feels her trying to pull him back from the resurfacing memories, but they are not so inclined to let him go that easily, nor will they be dislodged so soon. Of all the memories he wished to recall, the memory of their last moments together as Costas and Althea is not one of them. But of course, it rarely is that simple.

Words seem to fail, but he reaches for her hand to squeeze it as firmly as he is able. It would be better if he could speak and reassure her that her words have reached him, but until this moment passes, and whatever it is that is hindering his voice lets go, gestures and holding her hand is all he can manage. It is quite frustrating, as this is not the first time that he found himself unable to communicate as he wished to, but perhaps this will be the last time. It is already one time too many, in his mind. ]

[ She pauses as his hands grip onto hers tightly. Her gaze travels to his once more to find her beloved, in both his essences, swirling in emotions of eons ago. Water takes to her eyes once more. As Althea, she is very aware of what this moment is to him. The memory is burned into her very soul; unable to be dislodged no matter how many countless lives she is born into. Seeing the light of life dull in his gaze as he desperately tried to hold on, but knew it was fruitless to allow her to try to heal him.

She does want him to be stuck swirling in memories as she does. The fact he rises above them to guide and be her knight has always been something she needs. The pair of them drowning in such ancient feelings will hardly do either of them good. As such, she needs to pull him forward as he does so many times for her.

Lantaa--rather--Althea lifts her head and rests her cheek to his for but a moment. Then, her gaze meets his once before curling her hands around his to hold them securely. Then, she rests her forehead to his. The olden look takes her eyes once more. Now, however, she seems to be not only sad but worn down as well. He may have never seen such an expression on Althea's face. Such emotions followed after his departure to the sea. ]

I did my best to care for them--the little ones you had saved. [ The ones he had died to protect from the beasts once made from the city he so very much loved. The ones that had lost their parents and their hero in one night.

Althea turns her eyes from his then, aware that perhaps she did not do well enough for them. Her own mourning was great and all consuming in another way than theirs. A way she tried to hide from all around her. ] I took them far away to the place we had all meant to go. The skies never stopped being amber and black, even as they found a way to stop the end. She asked for my sister and I to return with her, to stop the endless cycle of death to revive the star as we knew it. I did not want to fight anymore. I did not want to lose more. The little ones needed me... and I needed them.

[ They felt as if they were the last link between her and her beloved. The last people on the star who knew him and saw him depart.

Despite her attempts, tears begin to quietly slip from her eyes. Althea closes them in hopes that if he does not see her eyes, that the ancient memories will subside and he will remember and feel that he is alive now. ]

I miss you, Costas. That is why you must know you are here with me. As our lives now. Even if the memories haunt us now and then... we are alive here. Together. As you promised me we would be. You were right.

[ Her hands gently pull from his so that she might take his face into her hands. Her face scrunches slightly as her hands tremble. Lantaa opens her eyes, and while the old look is still there, she sounds far more like the quiet woman she has become: ]

A-and that's why you'll come home even if you are to leave in the morning. A-and why I'll wait for you here. Even if we have before in other lives... you have promised you'll come home.

Edited 2023-06-11 18:04 (UTC)

[ The effort that it takes for him to pull himself out of the swirling memories with her assistance is still monumental, and the strain of it briefly reflects on his face. It seems that these memories, once awoken, are quite strong and the hold they have on him is not so easily broken. But the one person who could aid him in that is already doing so, and the part of him that is Aymeric wishes to reconcile past and present but still be himself. He does not wish to be tied down by the memory of their parting so long ago now, but rather be defined by the happy, fulfilling moments that they shared in that life and across the others they have lived together.

He leans into her touch and his eyes close for a moment as the hurt and sadness that those memories brought to life washes away. And then he opens them again and fixes his gaze upon hers. Costas comes to life for just a moment more, as if these moments between them are the closure they did not have the luxury of having all those lifetimes ago. ] I- I wish that I could have been there with you, to see all of you safe and well. [ But even though he did not live to see that, he had no doubts in his mind that Althea would care for them, as she had cared for many others.

He quiets as he listens to her speak, and when he sees the tears form and fall from her eyes, he tries to reach up to wipe them away. ]

I am very sorry that I left you and the children alone. [ Without him, he means. At least they had each other, as she has stated that both she and the children needed each other. ] But... [ An olden look of his own takes hold again, and for a moment, he seems to be far away. ]

We are together. [ And with those words, that look fades from view again, but the look of need and wanting that is left in its place is no less intense. ]

I will come home. I promise. [ And he would make that promise again and again if she asked him to. ]

[ Her thumbs brushes along his cheeks in hopes the gentle gesture aids him in his struggle. The strain is evident on his face, and K'lantaa feels the worry bubble up inside her. Yet, Althea wishes for a few more moments with her beloved. It is not as if they are separate beings or personalities inside her. Rather, a fully realized being, who wishes to live with her bounded partner. Her memories seem to coexist alongside her current life, and, it would seem the ancient soul worries that she may lose her ancient love in the mists of new lives. ]

We did as we could. Before... it all changed. [ Her older tones continue as she leans in to kiss his chin gently. ] You were--and are--never from my thoughts, Costas.

[ His olden gaze fades, but hers remains, somehow ever present. It lingers there as a force that yearns for him to be whole as her in their current life. Such a thing is quite impossible given his fragmented distrusting nature now. Aether that runs far too chaotic, and a hatred for what he is, while wishing he could be who he was. Yet, to Lantaa and Althea, he is always her beloved.

His answer is not met in words but an action. She kisses him gently, tilting his head towards hers properly. He will come home. He has to this life. This one life cannot be as the others... ]

[ Perhaps that is part of why it is not so easy for him to pull himself up and out of the memories from the past. He wishes to be present with Lantaa, but also to have more stolen moments with Althea, since their time together was cut short. How can his own memories exist alongside his present? How was it that Lantaa was able to blend them together, when he cannot seem to? Perhaps that is simply how it must be, in light of who he is now. But he does not wish for that to be so.

And now he finds himself pulled between that older, ancient life, and this present life, with little idea how to connect them. He does not speak, but he leans willingly into the kiss, wanting to memorize how this feels so that he can bring it to mind when they are apart. And perhaps if his memories of her are strong, they will somehow guide him back to her even as he goes into situations of danger.

Words seem difficult to form for now, so he settles for the more physical expression of communicating: pressing himself into the kiss and moving one hand to tangle lightly in her hair. He does not tug or pull on it, only feels it beneath his fingers, also committing those feelings to memory. He has already all but memorized her, but he only wishes to ensure that he has the strongest possible memories available to call upon when the need finds him. ]

Edited 2023-07-01 21:31 (UTC)

[ Lantaa wonders how much of herself in this life is a new life, and how much truly is her ancient and past lives. Perhaps she is nothing more than a combination of them now, but, something in her tells her she is wrong. Instead, the trauma from her childhood must have awakened the need and desire to find--and be found--by her beloved. If life were to be so cruel now, then, surely he must still be waiting and searching for her too.

Her head tilts in their kiss to encourage him to touch her hair. The feeling is relaxing and soothing, as when he touches her ears. Small touches that seem to try to reassure the other that all is not lost. This time, their promise will be unbroken, and they will return to one another again and again.

She gently slides back to his side, guiding him with her before they must break their kiss. Then, she eases him to rest his head to her bossom. She may wish for him to hold and comfort her, but he is in the greater need as his memories have awakened to some form. He had made it his duty to protect her, and thus, she had made it hers to comfort and support him. ]

You've always been far more nobler than me. You've been able to rise to any occasion, any calling, and perform it dutifully and as expected. You've been able to live those lives without me to their fullest. [ At least, she presumes he has. He has always been far more capable than her. Rather, in their lives since those ancient days. She seems to fall and stagger through every life since, and with each one she fell more... until she could not bring herself to stand again. Her hand raises to brush through the strands of his hair again. ] I... I've not been able to be in such a way. In those we didn't share, a hollowness formed, a-and I suppose I held onto what I could of those previous lives to fill that gap.

[ Her eyes shut tightly as she hides her face in his hair. Aymeric does not need to see the shame on her face. He does not need to see how far she has fallen from the woman he fell in love with in those ancient of times. Surely, she looks so very different. ]

Perhaps it's been better you've not remembered as much as I have. B-because then, you could find others that make you smile, and love you, and... a-are better for you. [ Her tail curls around him again as if to hold onto him. A lingering fear that he might find another that truly makes him happy--not someone who seems to be unable to let the past go. ] She was good for you--and good to you. The noble lady that you married. She gave you children, even if it was required of her, and loved them. She even loved you.

[ Lantaa opens her eyes just enough to gaze at his hair. A few tears slip down her cheeks. There had been a kiss, a discussion of a life away from it all, but ultimately he had to stay in Ishgard and they both knew it. She can remember watching as his family grew and the house filled with laughter. But, why was she in that home as well... ? ]

I am sorry I have become this way, Costas. [ Her ears press to her head as another wave of shame buries the pain from that particular life. ] Someone who is burdened so much, who cannot truly let go of you... someone that begs you stay with her. Even when, perhaps, you might be happier--happier with another soul. I must not even look the same when you see me.

Edited 2023-07-09 19:31 (UTC)

[ He wishes that he had the answers to these questions, and that he could find a way to bridge the gap between the lives he has lived. As for the careful touches to her hair, he means them to be comforting to her as much as they are to him. Too many times has he sought comfort from her, and not offered said comfort to her in return. The scales feel quite unbalanced, and he seeks to remedy that.

Still, when she eases him to rest his head against her, he does not resist with his actions. Instead, he says: ] I know that you will most certainly protest, but I cannot help but feel that I have not shown you enough of the same care that you have given me. [ He ought to be the strong one of the two of them, being the rock that she needs when she feels unsteady, the one who gives her comfort when she has need of it. He knows that she has said he is that for her, but he feels that he has not done enough to live up to it. ]

But at what cost? Perhaps by pushing forward and thinking only of duty and expectation, I have lost sight of things of greater importance. Our past lives should not be so easily forgotten, and yet I know I cannot bring them to mind as easily as you can. [ He does his best to keep his expression inscrutable, but he cannot quite stop the look of regret from slipping into place. ]

I should not have forgotten you. I should have- [ His voice wavers for a moment, but he pushes forward regardless. ] I should have looked for you in all our lives, so that we could have been together.

[ He wonders why that was not so; why he had not felt compelled to look for her, to be with her. And now he realizes that by not doing so, whether it was something he could control or not, he has hurt her. ]

No, I am sorry that I did not try to find you. I did you wrong, and I must make up for that. [ And it should not have taken this long to realize it. ]

[ Her chin brushes the top of his head, gently leaning into him as he continues to play with her hair. It is as soothing as he wants hopes it is, and if their conversation had been different, she would start to drift off. She is certain he is more than capable of caring for her. She only hopes that there is never the need for it, and that she can find a way to be stronger for him. ]

There will be time for that when you return home. [ Because he will come home. ] Then, you can spend all the time you wish comforting me.

[ Her fingers continue to comb through his hair even as he lays out his regrets. Her gaze drops. How can she begin to answer what he has said? Lantaa gently nudges the top of his head with her nose as she's quiet for a long moment. ]

I never thought you abandoned me--or that you forgot me. I never felt that you didn't love me, or care for me, or purposely tried to hurt me. [ Lantaa pulls him closer to her, fingers curling almost tightly into his night shirt and hair. Almost as if she can hold onto him then he will not leave. ] I picked you out of all souls for a reason, my love. I know you wouldn't have done anything to hurt me on purpose. I... I don't believe we are meant to remember all our lives. Please, do not blame yourself.

[ He falls silent as well, as he continues to lightly twine his fingers in and through her hair, an action meant to comfort her but also to settle his own churning emotions. She might insist that he has not let her down, but he feels differently. Perhaps she will continue to insist that he did not hurt her, but he cannot see how he has not done so. ]

Mayhap I did not do so purposefully or with intent, but- can it be said that I did not cause you harm? Even if I did so unknowingly... even if you yourself did not realize it- [ And it sounds to him that she did feel no small amount of hurt, having to watch him be bound to another. ] That does not change the facts, and for that I apologize.

[ He would even offer a deep bow as a further gesture of how sorry he is if they were not positioned as they are. It might feel somewhat foreign to him, but it would not feel entirely wrong to do so either, as he is certain he can remember enough of his past lives to know that the gesture is one he has done before. ] I would not blame myself unnecessarily, but in this instance, I feel as though I must.

[ The whims of fate might be responsible for the turns their lives have taken, but he still believes he cannot wave off his own responsibility and blame it all upon fate. ]

I intend to make it up to you, as best as I am able. [ If he did not have to leave, that would make his resolve easier, but as that cannot be helped, he intends to begin making amends the moment he has returned. ]

I would rather us be here and together then you feel the need to apologize to me. [ Her head tilts to hide her face against his soft black hair. ] Because, surely, the way our lives had gone and fate must have kept us apart. I can't imagine you not trying to find me... even if you didn't realize you were looking for me...

[ She choses to believe it because the alternate is far worse. Why would the one she bound herself to not look for her? How could he feel as if he was complete and something was not missing without her at his side?

If it is true, however, then perhaps she has always clung to that bond much more than him.

She closes her eyes and tries to focus on his fingers in her long black hair. She intends to spend time trying to rouse more of her memories from that particular life once he has gone in the morning. That way she will have, hopefully, happy things to tell him upon his return home. Perhaps she should even make his favorite dish, even if the taste is not the same for him now. ]

I love you. [ Her voice wavers as she attempts to put all of the emotion she feels into three words. ] Is there anything I can do to make those nights away at training easier for you?

[ Perhaps it is an inclination from another life that is causing him to feel as though he does owe her an apology, and perhaps even more than one. He cannot control the turns of fate, of course, but he still feels as though some responsibility rests with him. ]

That may be the case, but I still feel very much compelled to apologize, or at least to attempt to make up for it however I can.

[ But he imagines that she is correct. If he had been allowed to, he would have searched for her until he finally found her. ]

Perhaps it seems unnecessary, as we may not be apart for very long, but- Perhaps an exchange of letters?

I see.

[ She gives a lengthy pause then. Instead, her hold on him tightens. Her head tilts once more to hide in his hair. It is always so soft, despite how he seems to care so little for himself. ]

Then, if that is the case, I forgive you.

[ He need never to ask for it, but, perhaps he merely needs to hear it instead. If it will bring peace to him and make him more comfortable with himself in this life? She will forgive him a thousand times over. ]

How would our letters get to one another? Do they frequently deliver letters to the Temple Knights on the field? [ She hums lightly in thought. ] Should Meteion deliver them for us?

Thank you. [ For reasons he hardly understands himself, having her forgiveness means a great deal to him, and it comes as a relief to him as well. Perhaps he simply needed to hear the words from her and know that she does forgive him rather than holding resentment or a grudge.

Perhaps in confirmation of that very thing, he relaxes his frame just a fraction, and he offers a smile to her for her benefit. ]

Provisions and supplies are often delivered to the front when it is deemed safe to do so. It is frequent enough that I would think there would not be too great a delay in correspondence, should you wish to exchange letters. As for Meteion- [ He ponders this for a moment. ]

Would she agree to such a thing? And would she mind the danger and the risk? Can harm come to her? [ He assumed that she was as vulnerable as anyone else, but perhaps not. He is hardly an expert on such matters, however. ]

Edited 2023-08-13 23:32 (UTC)

[ One hand slips to his back and begins to rub it as he relaxes. He has never relaxed much in the time she has known him. Either they are swept up in emotions of what he has been turned into, or their past lives, or passions brought on by all those feelings. They've done little to properly rest, even if apart of her insists rest can come after they have caught up on their missing time. ]

I'll see to it that letters are sent. Perhaps Meteion would agree only of there is a dire need, as, I think she is rather distraught you are leaving. [ Lantaa gently nudges the crown of his head again. ] Any misfortune is uncomfortable for her, but, war seems to be a greater agitator.

She was not made for battle but... in her own words, for communication and learning.

[ In all honesty, a relaxed posture feels foreign to him still, but he feels safe with Lantaa in a way that he has not felt in a long time. But like her, he finds his wants and desires conflicting. To properly rest together would be welcome, but they have a lot of missed experiences to make up for. ]

If she is not willing to, then I would not force her to. Perhaps we should simply save up anything we wished to say until I have returned. [ The thought does not make him happy, but this situation is not only about him. ]

Then I would not place her in situations that are not comfortable for her, no matter what I might wish.

We will find a way to write. If other couples can, than we certainly should be able to. Meteion will remain here with me. We will act as a normal couple ought to in Ishgard.

[ Lantaa nudges the top of his head once more before eating him into a slumber. She follows soon after, knowing that in the morning she will need to see him off. She prays that Estinien will keep him safe for her.

Losing him now only after finding him...

A flask is kept for him and given to him as she sees him off. It is filled with her blood for him in case he needs to eat. He will no doubt resort to some form of wildlife, but she hopes hers will sustain him as long as he needs.

Saying goodbye is much harder than she thought it might be. They have done this before in one life, and she knows he did not return then. While it is merely training and not true war, the day will surely come that he is called away once more. She stands with her balled hands curled into her skirts with Dr. Reid beside her, watching as the Temple Knights March from Ishgard. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

bloody tears || ❝ our fate so darkly romantic, i will never leave your side. ❞

AU PLOTLINE

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/wraps up to move to blood sick?? 👀