synthneon | bloody tears || ❝ our fate so darkly romantic, i will never leave your side. ❞

[ She nods in understanding, for she truly does understand. He has always had a love of duty and his people, and she is not one to interfere with it. If not for their continued state of being torn apart? She imagines she would fully support him and do everything she might to see him ready for the morning. Now she merely stands staring at the paper in her hands as if she has been handed an assurance that they will merely repeat what they have.

Lantaa swallows the emotions in her throat before bringing herself to look up at him. They have been torn apart in a multitude of ways, but perhaps that occasion had been one of the ones that struck her the hardest. Her eyes lock onto his as she feels something in her quiver at the olden gaze. A gaze that seems new but oh so familiar. One that she has not seen in so very long with physical eyes.

Little thought goes into how she places the paper down on the desk and then raises her hands to touch what she can of his cheeks with their height difference. Her one and only. Her nose gently presses into his chest as she never breaks her gaze from his. There is a desire to tell him what had happened after wards, but, perhaps it is better if she does not.

You deserve so much better than me, Costas. Someone who isn't broken. ]

...come home. [ She knows he had just said he would, but, it is all she can think to say without opening the old wounds further. Wounds he surely would not wish to discuss. ] I-I'll do whatever I must to make sure you do.

[ If he cared less, or had less of a sense of duty, he would propose to her that they gather up what belongings they wish to take with them and run away from Ishgard together. He truly wishes to be with her, just as he does not wish to leave her, not even for training, and if not for that lingering sense of duty and responsibility, he would pack up and leave.

Rather than respond right away, he leans in just a fraction to her touch, wanting to memorize this feeling and not forget it even when they are apart. ]

Lantaa... [ How to put into words just how much he loves her and only wants to be with her? If he could, he would bring her with him, but that would be dangerous and foolish and so he cannot allow himself to even consider it. ] I will come home, because I know that you are here waiting for me. I will not keep you waiting any longer than I must.

And... [ He pauses for a moment, the ancient look in his eyes seemingly growing deeper, if that is even possible. ] You are my reason for coming home. [ And for surviving. ]

Edited 2023-04-19 04:31 (UTC)

[ Yet, if he gave up that sense of duty, would he truly be himself? She cannot help but feel that if he gave up his people and duty that a part of him would be missing. She would not ask him to ever give up who he is for her. Who he is, down to his very core, is the man she fell in love with all those lifetimes ago. Why would she have him change just for her?

Her fingers brush along his cheeks a tad further once he leans forward.

A twitch of her ears follows as he says her name. Then, she inhales and tears gather in her eyes. She knows he means his words to be true. However, she also knows the reality of their world does not always allow for such simple promises to be seen through. She still chooses to believe what he says if nothing more than to simply have the comfort and dream.

One, then two stray tears slip down her cheeks at the sight of his deepening gaze. She has missed him so much. His ancient name almost slips from her once more before she can catch herself. Instead, her hands lower to curl into the fabric at his chest. She wants to reach up to him and pull him close, to hold him as she once would, and be the stronger person he must recall her being. His beloved and one and only. Yet, she feel as if she is a ghost of her former self, and she cannot imagine he sees her as the same person. ]

Even if I'm... I'm... [ her head tilts as if the gesture will finish her thought for her and he will understand it. ] I've missed you, and I will miss you. Until you're home with me again.

[ Once more, that ancient name nearly slips, but she bites her lip to keep from saying it. She curls her fingers further into his shirt. Her own gaze ages once more. ] ...will you stay with me tonight?

[ Those words feel echoed somehow. She may have said them to him once before in a time long forgotten. ]

[ Perhaps not, but he is of the opinion that relationships require compromise, and even sacrifice (although not the kind of sacrifice that would see them kept apart). If he had to put aside his inclinations towards duty and following orders in the name of their relationship, he would do it for her if it was necessary. And he has already changed quite a bit, and not simply because he is now a voidsent. One more change surely would not cause harm.

But if she is determined that he not change himself for her, then there is no need to discuss it. Instead, he leans in even more, although they are already quite close, and he pulls her in close to him. It is quite clear that she is seeking comfort, and he is more than willing to give it. ]

And I have missed you, and will likewise miss you when we are apart. But I will make every effort to return home, and you will always be in my thoughts.

[ He keeps one hand on her, but with his other hand, he moves it to lightly stroke her hair. ] Of course I will. I can think of no other thing I would rather do. [ He would ask her to remain awake with him until sleep takes them both, so that they might talk and take in each other's company on this last night together. But then perhaps she would rather sleep sooner rather than later, and so he has decided to simply leave that decision to her. ]

[ She tilts her head to press her cheek into his chest as he pulls her closer. Ears press to her head and her tail curls around them. He will always be in her thoughts, and she hopes it is clear by the look in her eyes. She will pray he returns to her--even praying to his patron goddess if she must. Whatever needs to be done to ensure he comes home every time he is called away to training or battle she will see it through.

The olden look remains in her gaze. That ancient part wishes to hold onto him and speak as they would have once. Freely with no reservations, speaking of their past history in both happy and dark times. She doubts sleep will take either of them. ]

Then... we should head back to bed.

[ One ear pressed to her head twitches at the sound of fluttering feathers. Her head tilts towards the door past Aymeric, even if she cannot see around him. ]

« You're leaving? »

[ A part of him that will remain buried, or at least kept to himself, is already dreading the next morning. How can he take himself away from her, even because duty requires it, when all he wishes is to have more moments like this one? To be apart from her where he cannot easily reach her or speak to her feels all but insurmountable.

He could protect himself and his feelings by withdrawing, but that is not the solution either, as that would only cause more harm to both of them. Better to have this last night together than to pull apart prematurely and regret it. There will never be enough time, and so it makes little sense to shorten what time they do have. ]

Yes, we should. [ He also turns to look in the direction of the fluttering feathers, knowing who he will see there. If only it was as simple as saying he was not leaving, that he would remain here, and that doing so would change the reality of the situation. Instead, he inclines his head once by way of answer, wishing that he could do something to change it. ]

[ Equally, a part of her remains resigned to the worst outcome. Time and time again things have pulled them apart. The ancient part of her is unwillingly to let that fact go, and thus she finds herself bracing for the worst. Training can have accidents, and very few of them fatal, but it is the worry of a sudden strike from the dragons that would cause him to suddenly be called to action. Being together every waking and sleeping moment is quite impossible. But, just the knowledge he is near and within Ishgard is solace enough compared to lives lived throughout time.

Lantaa tilts her head to gently rest her forehead to his chest. She is aware of the presence of her "familiar." The story remains untold to Aymeric, and perhaps she ought to tell him when he returns. Meteion is far from her creation... which gives more proof of how she is very much not a witch. The bird found her way to the small lost Miqo'te and offered friendship when there was none. As such, Lantaa offered the lost bird a home with her, and the two looked out for one another in a way.

Meteion looks between the two ancient lovers. Her answer is clear on both of their faces, and the emotions that roll off of them as waves do on the shore. Her shoulders square and in a few long strides she stands beside them. Wings on her head lift as a resolve seems to fill her then. A glance is spared towards Lantaa, but her unearthly blue eyes settle on Aymeric. ]

« I can accompany you! I can be of help--to make certain you return to Lily and the others here. I could act as a look out, or even just a companion to speak to when no one else would wish to speak to you! »

[ Although he would rather remain hopeful and optimistic that this does not spell the end of their time together, he finds it difficult to put aside those darker thoughts. When their life experiences have seen fit to separate them in a variety of ways, it is difficult for him to not feel that the worst will happen. If not to him, then perhaps to her, although he knows he would move mountains to keep her safe.

She and her people have been actively hunted, which places her in greater danger in his mind.

But there is nothing to be done at this moment except to take in the last hours they have together, and so he puts his arm around her even as he turns his focus onto Meteion. ]

The offer is quite kind and more than I would have ever asked for, but- are you certain you would not prefer to remain here to keep her company and look after her? [ He does not intend to dismiss Meteion out of hand, but he feels that Lantaa requires companionship more, and he would be able to relax somewhat, knowing she is being watched over. ]

[ She leans into his hold and closes his eyes. If he wishes, she could speak of what she remembers of their lives. Those where they had been torn apart by outside forces, or one where they had never truly been able to be together as they had wished. A doubt lingers that he would wish such a conversation, and yet even then, she would have no issue in speaking of them with him. Especially if they are to continue to haunt her when any ill omen seems to a rise.

Meteion's wings seem to flare up at the realization. She has been so single minded on keeping Aymeric well. In her mind, if Aymeric is well, then so is Lily. An odd relationship to be certain, but it seems the two are so deeply woven together that the outcome of one must certainly change the other. ]

« But, who then will look over you to see you home? Who would ensure that you will return...? »

[ Truthfully, he wishes to hear anything she would tell him, so that he could commit her voice to memory and hear it in his mind when they are apart. But more than that, he wishes to hear of events from her perspective so that he might learn how they affected her and how he can begin attempting to assist her in recovering from them in this life. But how to broach that subject? He keeps it in the back of his mind even as he continues speaking with Meteion. ]

I will simply have to look after myself, and do my best to see that I return whole and in one piece.

[ He feels it would be quite unfair and selfish of him to take away even a little of Lantaa's support system simply to help himself. ]

He's right, Meteion.

[ The small blue bird like girl turns her gaze to Lily then. While the dark haired Miqo'te's gaze is pointed to the ground? She has hardly removed herself from the conversation or all that is around her. She shifts slightly, but remains attached to the one person she loves more than anything. ]

What if the other Knights see you? What if they see him speaking with you? They are not as open minded as Aymeric is. Who knows what they might do... a-and, if anyone is at his side, then it would be Estinien.

« They are close... but, I do not wish to lose a friend. Our only friend. » [ Meteion looks towards the ground as a familiar dark feeling tugs at her being. One that seems to call from so very very far away. One she was told to ignore, otherwise, she also might be lost. ] « Is faith our only recourse? It... I do not understand faith in which those in Ishgard seem to understand it. Belief and hope, but, can those truly manifest in such a way to achieve seemingly impossible things...? Can our belief that it might happen truly make it happen? »

[ Lantaa raises her gaze towards her beloved. ]

[ His only response is to incline his head in agreement with Lantaa. He is unsure how best to put it into words, but if there is only him to look after, that is somehow easier than knowing he is responsible for another's safety. It would upset him very much indeed if Meteion came to harm somehow and he failed to prevent it.

And, aside from that, it would be entirely selfish to allow his own loneliness that still lingers to ask for Meteion's company, even if she offers it freely. Surely Lantaa and Meteion need each other more, and that is reason enough for him to decline. ]

I will do my best to ensure that you do not lose me, to the best of my ability. [ That may not be saying very much, but he knows he has a reason to continue living, and an even greater one for him to return home. As for the notion of faith, well- He has hardly been a shining example of keeping faith, as he has only just begun remembering how one does that. Faith and belief seem to be such elusive concepts, and intangible ones at that.

When he feels Lantaa's gaze move to rest on him, he meets her gaze, but he finds he does not know how to answer Meteion. ] Perhaps it can, but I will be the first to admit that I have not always known how to place such fervent belief in things. [ And he still has quite a ways to go, as far as he is concerned. ]

[ Meteion falls quiet once more as she ponders the conversation at hand. The answer is clearly not one she enjoys, nor is it one she truly understands. A few moments pass before a flury of energy surrounds her and she changes once more into the small bird. She flies upwards before disappearing as she usually does.

A silence fills the room after her departure.

Lantaa can only hold his gaze for a few moments before it falls to the ground entirely. Then, her eyes close. ]

We should retire for the night.

[ She gently nudges his arm before beginning to lead him from the room. The silence remains on their way to the bedroom, and persists even once they arrive. Lantaa gently tends to the fire before turning back to him. She is already dressed in her sleeping attire due to hastily dressing once she realized Aymeric had gone. Would he like her to see to him? Or, should she simply crawl back into bed? ]

[ Aymeric only watches as Meteion falls silent, and then she returns to her usual appearance before disappearing. Perhaps he misspoke. Perhaps he should have expressed more confidence. Perhaps in doing so, he would have gradually come to feel more confident himself. Either way, there is little to be done now. ]

Yes, it is time we retired for the evening. Do you require my assistance with anything? [ He can see that she is already dressed for sleeping, but perhaps she has other needs that he can meet before he sees to his own. ]

I- Well, I realize I do not know if you have any particular routines before you take to your bed. [ There was not time to inquire before, and the thought had rather escaped him, truth be told. Some prefer a warm drink. Perhaps Lantaa does too. ]

Only your company. [ Her tone remains soft and her gaze olden. A gaze which falls to the floor between them as he continues. ] N-no. Some nights I would fall asleep speaking to Meteion... o-others alone. At times, Master Matoya's other student would tall with me... but I truly would just slip into bed.

[ Having a routine seemed odd when she spent her days in the same cave.

She takes the few steps needed to close the distance between them. Then, she raises her hands and rests them on his chest. She is more than willing to help him to bed if he so desires it. How can she express such a thing? ]

Do you require anything before bed?

I see. Well, you shall certainly have my company both now and as we proceed. [ Even with this interruption between them, he still intends to return to her, whatever it takes. ]

I also require nothing, except for your company. [ He can manage undressing on his own, but there is a part of him that wishes to do so right here, or to otherwise have her assistance. He sees no reason why they should separate even for something such as dressing or undressing. It is, of course, a private action, but he has nothing to hide from her. ]

There is one thing I would ask for, but perhaps I should not.

[ She nods to his answers. Her hands nearly raise to leave him before he speaks again. A tilt of her head and gentle twitch of her bent ears gives way.

That older, more ancient part, struggles to say what she wishes to. How she wishes things were as simple and forthcoming as they used to be. How she wishes their past misfortunes did not leave her as she is now, so he could see all the love she holds inside for him. For she must be the broken one, not him. He has held his head high and confident in every life they would be together. Where... well, her doubts, seem to root her further in place.

Was I not the one who was so confident and hopeful when we blinded our paths in a time no longer known? How can you even recongize me as this, Costas...? ]

What is it?

[ There are times when words, ancient or otherwise, come easily to him. And then there are times such as these when they seem to fail him. Perhaps in another life, he found it easier to speak. In this particular life, however, he finds himself hesitating more often than not. To communicate is necessary, so that she might understand what he thinks and feels, but it seems that he can hardly manage to do that.

He shakes his head once, as if hoping that will dislodge the words that seem to be stick in his mind. ]

Would you- [ The words seem to get stuck in his throat now, and he feels a sense of frustration rise up. ]

Would you assist me in readying for bed?

[ Her eyebrows turn ever so slightly at the shake of his head. If only she knew what he would think and feel. If that ability was one that she had? She has surely lost it somewhere along the way, and, perhaps it makes her even more disappointing in his eyes. Should the soul you are bound to not know these things? Should she not be able to sense and feel them, to know when he might need certain reassurances? Why must she continue to be a disappointment when it is her who begs that he stay with her?

What a selfish person she must truly be.

Lantaa's hands curl into thr fabric of the simple shirt when he finally speaks. Her eyes widen and a certain sparkle seems to come to her eyes at the request. It was something they did for one another long ago, was it not? Something that both enjoyed immensely ad it showed a care for one another that no one else could show...

Her hands drop to the edge of his shirt where they curl. A slight tug is given to communicate that she will be more than willing. She easily helps him undress, then pulls the bedding back for him. She quickly tends to the candles and gently stokes the fire once before finding her way into the side of the bed she has quite rather claimed. Then, she curls up in that spot, eyes on him, waiting go see if he might request something else. ]

[ He wishes he were more in tune with his own thoughts and feelings. At times, they seem within reach, only to escape before he can begin to make sense of them. Perhaps if he knew what he felt and thought, maybe Lantaa would be able to understand as well, and there would not be what feels like a strange gap between them. All he wants is to be with her, to not be separated, but circumstances seem to be conspiring to do just that.

A small smile crosses his face at the sight of the sparkle in her eyes, and for just a moment, he feels as though he has done something right for both of them. Once he has undressed with her assistance, he moves to the bed to lie beside her. ]

I am happy that you are here. [ He hesitates, because he would ask if she is also happy to be here, but what if her answer is no? What if he has neglected a need of hers? ] I wish that I did not have to depart, as that is hardly fair to you. [ Perhaps he will return only to find her gone. Gone where, he does not know, but perhaps she might find somewhere more suited to her than here. ]

[ A hand reaches out to curl into his nightshirt as she lays on her side beside him. While she may not say the words, the gentle warmth in her eyes says that she is indeed happy to be where she is. His home, even if broken in some places, is far better than the cave she had grown up in. Even the room he had offered before both seemed to simply gravitate to sharing a room had been better. She truly is happy to be in his home at his side, regardless of the emotions that always seem to pull her down. ]

Wars don't care if they are fair or unfair. You're a knight... a protector. You always have been. [ A glance to the side before she looks down slightly. She reminds herself not to bring up specifics, despite the need inside her to speak of them. He is not as connected as she is to their ancient past and should not always be reminded of it. ] You--you will have Estinien with you; he is truly your friend, and, he will keep you company while I and Meteion are unable to.

[ Her gaze drops once more. ] Was there anything you wished to speak of? Anything at all.

[ He nods in agreement with her statement about wars, but he goes on to ask: ] Am I a protector if I am leaving you here on your own? [ He realizes now that that seems to be what he doubts most. Reid might stop in when he can, and of course, Meteion will still be present, but it still feels as though he is failing to protect them both. ]

Tell me something that you recall about us. [ He knows she will know what he means, as she is more in tune with their previous lives, but he hopes that by hearing her speak about it, he might join her there. ] Even if it is only a feeling, or a brief thought, I would like to hear it. [ He pauses, and then he adds: ]

Please.

You have always strive to protect your people and your homeland. [ She gently nudges her nose to the side of his chest. Then, she pauses, glancing up to see if he has approved of the gesture. ] Sometimes... you have to go far away to protect me.

[ Even if that meant him not returning. ]

There are several things I can remember. [ Several things, at any time, and perhaps that is not at all a good thing. She glances down to the side and curls up against him slightly. ] I... I doubt there were many lives were we... are like we are now. Not as many as we hoped for.

[ Lantaa closes her eyes. ] I think we have been here--in Ishgard before. We looked different. You were a knight, and had standing, and an important family. Mine, we ran a tavern, or an inn...? [ So many of the minor details are lost to time. ] I don't know if you ever realized we were... but I knew. I wanted to tell you that I was in love, that you were my one and only.

[ She can remember the dress she had worn, the way her hair was done. The inn was abuzz that night with a party, but that had hardly mattered to her. All she had been focused on was hoping he would be there that night and that she could tell him. Even if he didn't return it, or couldn't, that would be fine. At least he would have known they had found one another again. She thought she was ready, she thought she was prepared. She should have realized that something else was going on. ]

But, the night I was going to... it was a party. And, I didn't realize until I saw you, that it was a party for your engagement announcement.

[ And, I wasn't the one to be your bride. ]

Edited 2023-05-16 07:03 (UTC)

[ Of course he knows that her words are true, and while he can hardly begin resenting his duties and responsibilities, and the realities of life that must separate them, he knows that in his private thoughts, he does resent those things. And on top of that, he believes all of this to be quite unfair. Believing that does not alter the situation, but he cannot help how he feels. ]

But you must know that I do not wish to go far away and leave you here. I am- Well, I am doing it willingly, because I do not feel forced, but I am hardly doing so gladly.

[ He hopes that she understands the distinction there. He goes because duty says he must, and he does not mind doing his duty, but he is not happy about it.

He falls silent so that he might hear her explanation, as he feels it is quite important. ]

A knight with standing? I can hardly envision such a thing. You, however: I could see you being a noble lady with quite a lot of standing.

[ But again, he quiets so that she can finish. ]

Even then, there was a connection? That does not surprise me. I wonder- [ What was I feeling at that time? ] I wonder if neither of us were pleased that I was engaged to another.

[ She has not said that in so many words, that that was the purpose of the party, but he can read between the lines. ]

[ Her hands curl into his nightshade as she pulls herself closer to him. A simple nod is given to his statement, followed by pressing her nose into his chest. Yes, she does understand the difference. That is why she has always admired him so very much. He will rise above his own feelings for greater callings and good. While it seems she is the selfish one.

She shakes her head. ] N-No, I was of less social standing. We simply owned the tavern and inn. There was no noble titles or names. Respected, but, we didn't have the lineage.

[ Not much has changed in this life, has it?

Her hands clench onto him then. Of course there was a connection. They bound their souls together for as many lifetimes as they would want. They are meant to be together in any life. The connection is always there. Will life allow them to realize and act on it is another thing entirely.]

I wasn't. [ Her answer is immediate and spoken louder than she has the other pieces of her tale. ] I wasn't at all...

[ Lantaa lowers her head and hides her face in his shirt from shame. He will most certainly think less of her for such things. He, the proper guardian of his people. Yet, she is the one who cannot seem to let him go. She is the one who clings to him and their binding promise. She is the one who cannot embrace new lives and chances without the worst assumptions.

She was the one who lay at the bottom of the aetheric sea, refusing to let go of past hurts, and refusing to live another life. Not him, not her Costas. How she, Althea, must have fallen in his eyes.

She tilts her head further to hide her face more. ]

It didn't matter if I was or wasn't... Ishgard needed it. Everyone needed it. It was a good match. You looked perfect together, just as a noble couple should look.

[ Her knees curl as well as her dark large tail curling around her. ] And I had to let you go.

[ The words bring forth another memory, as their phrasing is of the same cadence. Had she said them or had he? Him, in her arms, as she desperately tried to heal his mortal wound. As she tried to mend flesh, bone, and muscle quickly to save what little life remained in him. The sky burned, stars fell, people tan past in horror, screaming and sobbing. She was one of those sobbing and begging him not to leave her.

She could save him. They could live their life together far away. Their city was doomed, they could move to another... but, no, it was not to be. She knew it and refused to accept it. They promised one another. Even as the light was leaving his eyes, she tried so desperately to keep him with her.

She had to let him go.

Lantaa flinches harshly, feeling tears spring to her closed eyes. She desperately tries to keep them inside. Even if she feels as if she's been struck, and she--her ancient heart--seems to bend and recoil at the pain, he doesn't need to know. The burden does not need to weigh him down as it does her in all her lives. The pain that is truly at the root of it all. ]

I had to let you go...

Edited 2023-05-21 18:33 (UTC)

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