[ Perhaps his determination to shower her with as much love as he can is just another attempt on his part to distract him from the horror and disgust directed at himself that he feels nearly every day, and every hour as well. He may well be beyond saving and redeeming, but if he can show love to another, at least that fills up his thoughts and feelings with something other than revulsion. He is certain thoughts of that nature would not make sense to anyone else, but it is all he has to hold onto, or so he tells himself.

He certainly would not be lying if he said that he desires her. He truly does, and he wishes he could hold her and make love to her and fill up all of his senses (except for one) with her. He would do all that and more, but of course he draws the line at drinking her blood. Perhaps that will be a point of contention between them, but treating one as a source of food is hardly loving them. ]

Yes, why would you? Why would anyone? [ None but the two he named have come close. Well, that may be unfair to the faithful steward and house maid that have remained with him. But aside from those four, he still believes that no one else could ever care for him in any fashion. ] I am- astonished that I do not detest you or cause you disgust. If it is truly as you say and who I am now is not who I am in every life... [ His words trail off, because truthfully, while he believes they belong together, to comprehend it all with his limited thinking feels like quite the impossible task.

But then she brushes her lips against his, and against his better judgment, he leans in just a fraction. ]

I will say it again: I do not deserve you. I do not deserve any of this. [ But like hers, his instincts are making themselves known, and he chooses to follow them by pressing his lips against hers once more. ]