synthneon | FF PSL | ❝ two-toned echoes tumbling through time. ❞

[ She would not stand for him to offer his life in place of hers. While she too would take any manner of wound or hurt for him? She refuses to allow either one of them to die now. Once they have grown old, and have spent a lifetime together. The very idea of losing him now...

Her gaze lifts to his once more, water filling her eyes. It is not that he says she is beautiful inside or out, for that part has never truly mattered much to her. It is the fact that he still sees her as her. She bites down on her lip and raises a hand to brush the tears away from her face. That truly was what she had feared: he being unable to see her through all that her adventures might do to her person.

She does wish her sister might be here to hold, even for a brief moment. Though that is an entirely selfish notion. She is the one that needs the comfort and reassurances, not K'thisru.

Alkaid melts into his hold with little direction. Her head rests between his neck and shoulder, eyes closed, a few more tears finding their way down her face. Part of her does not understand why she is acting the way she is. The rational side moves to point out everything that is true in what he says and that Aymeric would not lie to her; not about this. So then, why is it, she feels that all of her is falling apart? She has seen war and death... so why...

The door creaks open and the steward indeed does step inside. Alkaid spares him a glance wrapped in apologies before turning her face into his neck once more. She does not focus on the conversation he and Aymeric have. Instead, her attention goes entirely into listening to the sound of Aymeric's voice and his breathing. ]

[ To grow old with her is something he desires very much, but he is keenly aware of how dangerous her life is and how there are threats at nearly every turn. He would give his life for hers because she deserves the chance to live. But a part of him knows that she might find a life without him difficult, if not impossible. He does not mean to sound self-absorbed by having that thought; far from it. He has every confidence that she could find the strength to continue on without him, but could he knowingly put her through that kind of pain?

Even as he exchanges words with the steward, offering his thanks for his help as always, and quietly indicating that he may not venture from this room again until morning, simply because Alkaid has need of him and he is reluctant to be parted from her. Naturally, the steward nods with understanding, and is quick to reassure Aymeric that he will see to any tasks that remain and that he is not to worry. There are no pressing matters concerning the house that require Aymeric's attention, and if any arise, they can certainly wait.

They share a few more words, and the steward points out the covered bowls containing a warm soup, a fresh loaf of bread, a teapot filled with tea and the teacups to go along with it, and beside all of this, a small cake that was specially made for the two of them. From what the steward says, the head maid hoped that the tea and cake would lift Alkaid's spirits and let her know that she is so very, very loved.

Shortly after this, the steward offers a brief bow to Aymeric and then takes his leave. Aymeric remains quiet at first, one hand moving to lightly stroke one of Alkaid's ears, waiting to see what she wishes to do now. If all she wants to do is rest with him, then that is enough for him. ]

[ The very notion that she might continue on this star without him is not one to even be considered in her mind. She would go to the very ends of creation and fight whatever she must if it meant keeping him alive and at her side. Oh, she very well could continue on without him, but it would hardly be her. She would move forward as some form of Alkaid Mercedes, but as Lantaa? No, that she very much doubts.

She wishes to speak with Aymeric as they might normally. There are so many things to tell him of about the First. The people, the places, the differences between the worlds while still being the same. How the Scions fair, and why K'thisru has elected to stay behind on the First for now. Yet, all those words seem liked away in her mind, unable to spring forward, as they would most certainly bring the memories of sin eaters and Light wardens with them as well. Instead, all she wishes to do is lean into him and be one with him again; to be able to think only of one another and their lives together.

However, such things must wait, as it would be rude to not eat or drink of what was brought for her.

She shifts against him, head tilting down to look at the food brought to them. Her ears still remain in a way that he can continue to stroke them. The small notion causes her eyes to close again and her tail to sway slightly. He is far more skilled at comforting her than perhaps he realizes. ]

We should finish taking off your armor. [ Alkaid still speaks in soft tones. Her eyes move back to his to seek his thoughts on the matter. ] Why are you wearing it...? Has something happened while I've been away?

[ No doubt it is simply habit for him. Even though there is no need to wear it within Ishgard or even as the Lord Speaker. ]

[ Well then, it would seem as though any who intend to separate the two of them will find themselves facing quite the fight indeed, because neither of them seem to be inclined to let the other go so easily.

As for what he desires, he merely wishes to be close to her, and if she should happen to tell him about the First and what she experienced there, he would listen with rapt attention. And, yes, of course he wonders what became of the Scions and what her sister is presently doing. His interest in the Scions is twofold: one, because Alkaid is a Scion herself, and two, because as an Alliance leader, he ought to be aware of their movements and their well-being. But yes, all of this can wait for the moment.

He intends to see her well-fed and cared for, and thus, that is where his priorities lie. ]

Ah, yes. I have been told that it seems strange for the Lord Speaker to be armored in such a way, and yet... It is something of an old habit, I suppose. Thankfully, nothing has occurred that would require me to take up arms once more, just someone who is a bit stuck in his ways.

[ He cannot help the halfway amused smile that crosses his face then, because if he might be bold enough to say so, there are others within Ishgard and without who are more stuck in their ways than him. ]

[ A gentle smile takes her face then. Old habits? He truly is a soldier and knight deep in his heart, regardless of the titles or positions that may change around him. Her shaking fingers reach out to rest on his hands even as her head tilts towards him. The fact that all remains as well as it can in Ishgard means more than he might think. ]

"Old habits" for the most forward moving man in all of Ishgard. [ Alkaid leans forward and gently nudges his chin with her nose. ] You have no idea what a relief it is to hear that all is well at home...

[ At those words, his reaction is immediate. His head tips forward just slightly and the barest hint of red appears on his neck. He does not believe that he is any better or even more forward-thinking than any other man or woman in Ishgard, and perhaps his thoughts concerning his own people are in poor taste. ]

I do not think that designation belongs only to me. [ He has led several charges towards change and adapting, but he would not call himself anything in such certain terms. ] Others have longed to move forward as well but lacked the impetus to do so; all I did was provide an example for them to follow.

[ And he truly does not believe that he has done more than anyone else. But returning to the matter at hand, he merely inclines his head in agreement with her statement. ]

For the time being, fortune is with us, as all continues to be well within our borders. I hope that this will continue so that we might also continue reforging alliances and partnerships with the other city-states.

[ The smile on her face spreads just a bit more at his embarrassment. While he may not be the most forward thinking, he certainly made the way for those who are to walk. However, she has learned that he very simply sees his acts as his duty and therefore nothing special. Aymeric de Borel, in her eyes, is one of the brightest souls on their star. While she and K'thisru very may well inspire others? He is one that gathers others around him to lead forward. ]

Sometimes an example is all we need. [ Her tail gently sways under her white robes as if to illustrate how much she needs him. ] What of with Hraesvalgr's brood, and the other dragons? How are things with the allies closer to home?

Indeed, and if I might say so, there is one such example in this room with me. [ His smile is wide and fond as his gaze settles upon her. ]

Ah, Hraesvelgr. I must admit that I hold both him and his children in high regard. I must make time for another visit with Vidofnir, at the very least, so that I might inquire into her well-being and that of Hraesvelgr as well. Relations with our closest allies remain favorable.

I do not take our position within the Eorzean Alliance lightly, but I find that I do enjoy lending our support and assistance when it is required. With how long Ishgard has been closed off from the rest of Eorzea, it is high time, of course, but I find the company to be had within the Alliance to be an added benefit as well.

[ A deep blush comes to her cheeks and she glances to the side, ears bent, tail flicking lightly. Alkaid has never seen herself as much of an example. Oh, she is very aware that those around her do. She understands their reasoning and simply does not see it all the time. Especially in this moment. A Warrior of Light should not break as she has. They are heroes... ]

I can go with you if you'd like! [ Her answer is rushed and almost pleading, hands immediately going to the fabric on his leg between his armor. ] Although, I doubt you'd need me to see an audience with Vidofnir now...

[ Alkaid closes her eyes before attempting to push the emotions down once more. Then, she turns to finally address the food that has been brought for the pair of them. Her shaking hands reach out to take one of the bowls. ]

[ His eyebrows lift, first in response to the blush that takes her cheeks and then again because of the quickness of her response. The way she latches onto the fabric between his armor also surprises him. ]

I can think of no one else who I would rather have accompany me. And it is not difficult for me to conceive that Vidofnir would be glad to see you as well.

[ He watches as she reaches for one of the bowls that have been brought for them, and his expression shifts to one of concern as he notes the way her hands shake. ]

Lantaa, are you certain that all is well? If something is amiss, I would hear of it.

[ There is considerable effort placed into her hands in order to steady the bowl in her lap. They still shake, but the concentration has caused her body to tense. It almost feels as if she must will herself to make the motions when all of her feels numb. She inhales sharply, glancing up at him through her light pink bangs.

The thought comes to mind once again that she was helping remove his armor. It feels as if she cannot focus on one thing. If she lingers, vivid images may return, and her body shakes at the thought. But, she cannot simply go from task to task unfinished. That truly is a sign of her being unwell. Alkaid swallow before lowering her head. ]

N-no. It's not. [ Alkaid shuts her eyes to keep the memories of sounds and images at bay. ] I... it... the First is saved... b-but it was a dying world. F-far beyond what the Seventh Umbral Calamity did to our world, here, the Source. It...

[ Her throat closes around the words again and a pitiful sound escapes her. One that says she is frustrated she cannot speak, but is also afraid to relive all that she had seen. She had become a monster, despite the reassurances of all those around her. Ardbert had been the only one to be honest with her and K'thisru.

I'm not a monster. Thisru isnt a monster. We're heroes. ]

... I was so terrified... h-horrified... all those people and...

[ Try as she might, she cannot force the words to come forward.]

Edited 2022-05-29 09:32 (UTC)

[ His reaction upon seeing how her hands shake is immediate. He reaches for her with both of his hands, wrapping them around hers and the bowl she holds as well. His grip is firm but still gentle, as is the look in his eyes as he surveys her, his beloved. All he wishes is to do what he can to make her well again, to assist her along that path, but a part of him wonders if he is even equipped to do such a thing.

Still, nothing else matters to him except for seeing her whole and happy once more, and he intends to put in every effort to doing just that. ]

You saved the First, you and your sister. It- Perhaps I ought not to speak about its future, but knowing what the two of you are capable of, I am certain that the people who call the First home will recover and thrive thanks to your efforts.

Now it is your turn to rest, recover, and heal.

[ He is not privy to the thoughts that turn in her mind, but it does not take a genius to see how shaken she is and scarred by what happened to her on the First.

He feels as though any words of comfort he could give might sound woefully trite, regardless of his convictions behind them, and so he opts for a different tactic. ]

Whatever it is that continues to hurt you, you do not have to shoulder alone. I am right here, Lantaa. [ He moves his hands from where he wrapped them around hers and wraps his arms around her smaller frame, pulling her in and holding her close. ]

[ A gentle "thank you" comes from her as his hands wrap around hers. The bowl steadies. She nods along with his statements. Yes, they certainly will, especially as her sister remains on the First. No doubt that whatever Urianger and Ryne are up to will be a task her sister sets her mind to. As for Alkaid? All she wishes to do is be at the side of her betrothed and tend to the hurts of the city that has taken her in.

Her gaze asks if he might help her with those burdens and needing to be healed. He answers it, as he would, and her ears lower. A look of relief passes her face and she seemingly deflates in place. She attempts to stop holding herself to be well and fine, letting the exhaustion, hurt, and trauma all rest on her body and face. It would normally only be like this when she is alone, but their room is not the one she shares with her sister. It is their place, and he has asked before that she hide nothing from him.

If only the words would come. ]

I... only want to be here. With you. [ She leans into his hold more, mindful of the food in her lap. ] I fought so hard to come home to you...

Then here is where you shall remain. [ There is nowhere else that he would rather be than right here, even if there is not very much that he can do except to hold her and offer what words of comfort and reassurance that he can. ] You are home. You have made it home, and I mean to see to it that- [ He cannot make promises stating that she will never have to leave again, because that is not up to him to decide. And so he changes tactics. ]

I mean to see to it that I, as well as your home, will always be here for you whenever your path leads you here once more.

Now... [ He eyes the bowl of food that she still holds. ] Would you like to finish eating, or shall we retire? [ If she still feels the need to eat, of course he will not stop her. His desire to lie down with her and hold and comfort her is strong, but ensuring that she has had her other needs met first is of greater importance. ]

[ Her gaze raises at his words. It softens, for his words act as a confirmation to what had happened. She is home, they saved the First, and now she should rest. Tears gather in her eyes, but she straightens her shoulders to keep them from falling. Relief is written over her expression. Even so, she has cried far too much already, and she finds herself more exhausted from that then all else at the moment.

She wishes her path would lead her nowhere else. She is exhausted, broken, and heavy hearted. K'thisru and her have saved two worlds--why can they not stop now? Surely the world can handle its own affairs with the Ascians plots fooled...

Her gaze drops to her food once he mentions it. ]

We should eat... [ She nods slowly as if to confirm the idea to herself out loud. The staff prepared such a fine meal after all. ] Then. I'll help with the rest of your armor...

[ And she will see to her own white robes after that. ]

[ If it was in his power to see to it that no one bothered her with orders or with requests from people needing her assistance, he would do so without a second's hesitation. It is all too clear to him that she needs to rest, and what is more, she has earned a rest, a very long one.

Perhaps he might use what influence he has to give her a reprieve, knowing that it could never be long enough, but even a short one is better than none at all. ]

Yes, of course. [ His smile returns, and it is as warm and gentle as always, especially when he is looking at her. ] To both things, but if you are too tired for the latter, I can manage on my own.

[ He might even insist on helping her with her own attire. ]

[ Alkaid nods once more. Once he has his own meal, she begins eating her own. While she can certainly taste the meal? She feels so very far removed from it all. An odd sort of numbness takes her and she is not certain how to remove it or feel in touch with herself once more. Perhaps all she needs is sleep.

Dinner passes along quietly. Once completed, Alkaid slowly stands to move the cart to the side after collecting the dishes. Then, she turns back to Aymeric. Her hands move to help him from his armor, only fumbling as the exhaustion is evident on her. That hardly stops her from aiding him with it all, as she refuses to let what happened on the First keep her from tending to the man she considers her foundation.

With all armor and merely his undershirt remaining, Alkaid stands in front of him. Her ears tilt to her head and she twists her fingers. Should she ask for help in removing her own? She is capable of it, of course, but it is quite obvious how he wishes to care for her. Underneath the white robes that mimic those of white mages of eld is garb that was created for the Warrior of Darkness. Blacks, greys, purples and golds, with blue gems on the boots. Not to mention the robe itself gives way to reveal her legs.

It dawns on her then that perhaps the outfit would be too revealing for Ishgardian customs, and then, perhaps it might be offensive in some nature. She frowns, closing her eyes. The tail that normally sways curls up along her leg underneath the white robes he can see. Everything about her person feels so foreign, and she cannot help but worry that in the end he will not see her as his Lantaa anymore. ]

... m-my nightgowns, are they in the same place as before? [ Her voice is barely above a whisper as she feels part of her curl in on herself once more. Nothing of her feels like her, and she's not quite certain how to feel as herself again. ] Or...

[ Or were they moved to keep you from feeling my absence? ]

[ For him, there is no turning off the worry that he feels for her, and he knows that his concern shows itself plainly in his gaze even as he watches her. He does not mean to stare, and yet he finds himself unable to refrain from glancing at her every now and then.

Eventually, they finish their dinner and move on to preparing for sleep. She assists with removing his armor, and when her hands fumble, he is quick to assist as best as he can. For him, it is very obvious that he intends to care for her, and that extends to assisting her with removing her own attire. With that in mind, he gives the sleeve of her robes a light tug as if asking if she minds if he assists.

At her question, he nods. ] They are, in a manner of speaking. I took the liberty of making room for your articles of clothing next to mine. [ He had to shift some things around, of course, but he wished to make room for her belongings as well. Perhaps in time, he might obtain a wardrobe for her own things, but a part of him likes the notion of seeing her clothes hanging beside his. ]

I do hope that that is all right with you.

You did?

[ The question is immediate and her tone filled with surprise. The emotion is not directed at him, but clearly at herself and the thoughts in her own mind. Of course, he would have moved them in expecting Lantaa to return home. She's not certain she is even the same woman he fell in love with... and in the end he may turn her away outright.

Still, she nods at the tug on the sleeve. She excuses herself for only a moment to grab the first nightgown of hers she sees. She selfishly prefers to sleep in his shirts, but, that was allowed for how she was before the First. Before her and her sister's souls were broken and healed back together. Before her hair was turned forever a lighter shade and her eye turned the color of the man who shared the same color of soul as theirs...

« You won't know for sure until he sees. So, go on then. You can stare down monsters and creatures from other worlds. This can't be that hard. Not after all those glowing stories K'thisru gave about this knight. »

Alkaid's hands curl slightly into the nightgown as she hears that familiar voice in her mind. She must have pulled him away from K'thisru with her own emotional state. There is a pang of guilt that strikes her then before she crosses over back to Aymeric. She places the nightgown beside him.

Then, she raises her hand to gesture how to untie the white robes. She moves with his direction, slipping out of the robes to reveal the garb created for her as the Warrior of Darkness. She shifts her weight from hip to hip, her fingers raising to begin to twist one another. Her ears tip down again and her tail further curls under the opening of her robes. Despite Ardbert's reassurances, she can't imagine it would be received well. ]

I did indeed. I hope that you do not mind, and that my decision to do so meets with your approval. This house is now your home as well, and I see no reason why you should not have your own space to store your things. [ He made room beside his own belongings in order to place hers there, and the action seemed right to him at the time.

If only he knew that she wished to sleep in one of his shirts. He would gladly give her free rein to choose whichever one she wished to wear.

Her lengthy pause gives him pause as well, and his eyebrows draw together in concern. But before he can ask if something is amiss, she points to how to untie the robes, and once that is done, she slips out of them entirely, revealing a set of attire he has not seen before.

He is surprised, yes, but he sees no reason why the sight before him ought to upset him. Naturally, the colors are a bit different from what he recalls seeing her wear previously, but he imagines there is a reason for this. ]

Ah... Trying out a different look? [ He wonders to himself if her time away and everything she experienced in that time led to this change. ] Would you like my assistance in removing these pieces as well?

[ She smiles fondly at his decision, clearly approving, even if the smile does not reach her face fully as it might usually. For some reason, she had thought that he might wish to keep things separate--a space for himself where she does not occupy. Perhaps her time at the First has caused her to misconceptionalize much more than she thought. ]

N-no, they made it for me, on the First. [ She lightly picks at the embellishments on the sleeve. Her tail remains curled up in the folds of the open skirt, attempting to silence the doubt her mind gives. ] They wanted to thank their heroes, a-and made something for Thisru and I. The Warriors of Darkness.

[ Her gaze shifts to the side. ] The balance of aether shifted... it was so charged with light... you could feel it. [ Or, at least, she and Y'shtola could.] There was so much that e-everything was bathed in eternal daylight... t-they hadn't seen the night sky in a hundred years... s-so when Thisru and I worked to rebalance everything, we...

[ She gestures to her outfit. The Warriors of Darkness, heroes to the First. ]

Edited 2022-06-23 18:00 (UTC)

[ He sees the way her smile does not entirely reach her eyes, but he understands why it might not. Her time on the First has changed her, and while she is still the woman he loves (a fact that has not changed nor will it), he knows full well that there are some things that do not heal easily or at all. ]

It seems to me that the people who call the First home are quite kind and gracious indeed. [ Not to mention resilient and strong in their own way. ]

I can scarcely imagine what you speak of, but one thing I do know: you and K'thisru faced challenges that most would shy away from or refer to as insurmountable. The two of you came out on top, so it is no surprise to me that you earned the admiration of the people there.

[ Privately, he muses if it all was worth the toll that it took on both Alkaid and her sister, but in a way, he already knows the answer. ]

You are heroes to them and to those of us on this star.

... at what cost?

[ Her gaze falls entirely to the floor then. Fingers dig into the black and gray colored coat, picking at threads that have gone loose in battle. How many people has she been able to save? Or course, one healer cannot save them all, regardless of her strength in white magic. The knowledge and fact is hardly a comfort as she has seen so many of Eorzea fall, Haurchefaunt, and now so many people on the First. Lives saved and souls saved to be reborn in the aetheric sea, and yet, she feels as if she is no hero at all. In fact, she rather feels as if she merely is a cutout of their beloved Warrior of Light. While inside is not hollow, she cannot help but wonder how much more of Lantaa Pahsh will be stripped away for the heroic Warrior of Light.

Alkaid's shoulders curl upwards and her hands ball into tight fists. She can feel the short nails push against the skin, but is not enough go break or damage it. The near crippling loneliness she felt on the First returns like a tidal wave, and she the rock that it breaks against. The tears well under her closed eyes and she does not let them fall. Aymeric surely must be tired of seeing her cry now. ]

How much of me must be lost... h-how much more of myself am I expected to sacrifice for it all? [ Her voice breaks despite her best attempts. A sad sound forces it's way from her throat. Gods, no. Please. She does not need to cry in front of him again. ] I...

[ I never wanted to be a hero. I never wanted this life.

Her hands begin to shake once more, yet she reaches out for him. They share the same space, but he feels so far away. She only wants to go home. Home is him, with him, and the city he loves so very much.

Why will the First not relenquish it's hold on her? Why can she not put it all behind her as she had with so many other things? She had seen death before, and malformed beings. So, why...

Alkaid takes the half step needed to be in front of him. Then, unceremoniously, she crumbles to her knees. Her forehead rests against his knees as she refuses to let the sob that builds in her out. ]

I missed you... so much... [ Surely the parting only hurt her this deeply. Aymeric is stronger than her and he always has been. Especially now, in this moment. He is her foundation, and yet she is falling to pieces in front of him. ] My knight who can always find me... a-and care for me... and I couldn't even write a letter to you as I had before. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...

[ She inhales, trying her damnedest not to cry. ] I don't want to be a Warrior of Darkness, or of Light. I don't want to be a Scion... I only want to be your wife... at your side. T-they keep taking me away: all of them. Until I'm ... I'm...

[ Only a hero; their mend to fix the world. Their soldier. Their weapon. ]

You deserve so much more than me... whatever of me they haven't taken away...

Edited 2022-06-26 10:58 (UTC)

[ His heart aches to see her so distraught, knowing there is little he can do but speak comforting words and offer equally comforting touches, if she will accept them. Once again, he feels as though his efforts are not good enough, that he cannot truly help her. Perhaps another healer might be able to, but he is more a soldier and a would-be leader than anything else.

His words feel so inadequate in the face of her worries and her sadness. What can he say that would ease the weight she is carrying? For once, his ability to weave words together has failed him. And the very moment that she drops to her knees, he is quick to bend over just slightly, being mindful of how her head now rests against his knees. He wraps his long arms around her and pulls her in as close as he can given her position on the floor. ]

I will not allow them to take any more from you than they already have. Lantaa, in my eyes, you are still you: Lantaa Pahsh, lady of my house, and the only one I have ever loved.

[ He retains his hold upon her but he squares his shoulders in a resolute posture. ]

I will fight anyone who tries to take you away, in every possible meaning of those words.

[ Her place is here with him, and as for the other meaning, whether or not he believes that she is still very much herself, if she believes bits and pieces of her identity are being taken away, he will fight to prevent that from continuing, regardless of the cost.

And in the interest of comforting her, he reaches for her ear to give it a series of calming strokes. ]

They will never take you away from me, as long as I still draw breath.

[ What might a healer do for her? Give comforting words and soothing her? Alkaid finds she does not need such things. What she needs is what he offers, his arms wrapped around her and pulling her into his protective hold. She leans into him entirely, practically melting into him. She shakes, but, the touches to her ear do seem to calm her.

A gentle cry comes from her at his words. There is so much she wishes to say in return so that he knows his words have not fallen on deaf ears. The words will not come, no matter how much she wills otherwise. Instead, she reaches for his hand and places it where the ties for the back of the robes sit. She leans her head into his hand at her ear. ]

I'm sorry... I don't know why... I shouldn't be like this.

[ She is a Warrior of Light, do they not rise above traumas and embody the path forward for others? If so, then why is she still like this? Even K'thisru has handled it all so much better..

Alkaid closes her eyes. ]

You protect the most important thing that no one else could. [ My heart. ] I should be stronger... better than this for you. My knight who has waited so long for me to come home... a-and I...

[ I feel broken and as if I can't be put back together. ]

BOOK 3: TWO-TONED ECHOES

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