ᴇsᴛɪɴɪᴇɴ ᴠᴀʀʟɪɴᴇᴀᴜ. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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synthneon2022-02-11 05:36 pm
dragonssung) wrote in synthneon2022-02-11 05:36 pm
Entry tags:
echoes of truth | ❝ tales of loss and fire and flame. ❞
Every word on our hearts engraved
In the dark you will not stray
Forge ahead, till the end, we pray
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[ Then, he raises his eyes once more to the ceiling. ] As I mentioned once before. Those that built the Crystal Tower had done so to reach the heavens--to embody the hopes and dreams of a people. It was only later, once their civilization faced decline, did they change the purpose of it. To be the trusted, nay blessed, to hold those hopes and bring them to another people? I feel rather unworthy, in a way, I suppose.
[ He raises his crystal hand and gestures for her to sit down. ] Please, Thisru. Sit. We can speak of whatever comes to mind. Does something trouble you? I would hear of it, if you do not mind sharing. For all that you have done for me and the people of Norvrandt? Listening to any troubles or enjoyment is the least I might do.
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I think that you and the people who built it, and the people who call the Crystarium home, are the real heroes. It's... Well, it's easy to just march into a fight and try bringing down whatever the next threat is, but to do what you do? I know it sounds strange, but it feels like you have the harder task.
[ Never mind that she has been told over and over that she and her sister bring hope to people through what they do. It just feels like it pales in comparison somehow. ]
And I really don't see how you would be unworthy. [ In her mind, he is just as brave, if not even braver than she is. And at times, she doesn't even feel all that brave.
But she does as he has requested and she moves to sit down beside him. The temptation to just rest her head on his shoulder springs to mind, but she is quick to push it away, thinking he would not want her to get so close. ]
So much happened when we were there in Norvrandt, and it felt like we barely had time to process it all before the next problem came up. [ Of course she knows that when dire situations arise, there isn't time to stop and think about things, and that isn't how she operates anyway. It just felt like there was a giant boulder rolling down a mountain and it was all she could do to keep it from flattening everything in its path. ]
I really didn't want you or anyone else thinking I couldn't handle it.
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[ He laughs quietly then. ] There was a great exodus of people from my homeland to avoid being enslaved. It was merely the idea my father placed inside me to live up to the promise of our red eye that drove my studies to the Allagan Empire. Humble beginnings, I suppose, but I am a far cry from one that ought to be entrusted with something so sacred and precious as the hopes of those that came before me. And, yet, that is precisely what happened.
[ A moment passes. Then, the Exarch raises his hand that remains his own to rest over hers. A distant look crosses his ruby eyes and it is quite evident how old he is in that moment. The things he has seen, the things he has done... to ensure that the Calamity had been avoided... ]
If I had not thought you up to the task, I would not have reached out across space as I had. I knew it would be a monumental task... and I knew it would push you to extreme limits. Yet, I also knew, you and your sister could achieve what none other could, for the pair of you have Her blessing. While many with the Echo can be shielded from tempering? The Blessing is unique to the pair of you...
Still, I feel I must once again apologize for the tremendous strain it placed upon the pair of you. [ His eyes finally move from the ceiling down to her. They comb over the platinum blonde hair speckled with streaks of blue. ] I... had not known all the pain that it would cause. None can truly know what their plan may set in motion... and I fear that it has hurt you and your sister in ways I could never fathom. Ways that I may never begin to find ways to heal... even if I have learned something of the healing arts.
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[ Simply put, she feels like her job isn't all that hard in the grand scheme of things. It isn't as simple as a walk outside, but she feels as though others deserve the title of "hero" more. ]
Well, I think in that case, then you were meant to have that responsibility. [ And she thinks he's done well with it, but she suddenly feels that perhaps she is saying too much again.
She looks down at where their hands are resting, his on top of hers, and she smiles at the sight. Part of her still marvels that he looks at her at all, given how much he has seen. She must look like small potatoes to him.
As for his apology, she looks away from him for just a moment. It certainly was not easy, and both she and her sister had a hard time dealing with the aftermath. But just as quickly as she looked away, she straightens back up again, a determined look masking the one of lingering fears that still haunt her. ]
It's our responsibility to help wherever we're needed, and you and the First needed us. More than that, we were needed to stop the Calamity.
[ She knows she has to frame it that way to remind herself that it was all worth it. Everything they went through had a purpose, even if both of them still have some difficult times even now. Of course, she knows that she puts on a brave face about it, especially around others who are looking to her to be the strong one, and she isn't even sure why she does that around him, of all people.
Perhaps it is because she knows he sees her as a hero that she feels she has to look and act like one. ]
I think... [ She hesitates for a moment, but she feels she needs to say what's on her mind. ] I think that it's time you had someone to... To look after you.
[ The words leave her all in a rush as if she's afraid she won't say them at all if she waits too long. As it is, a blush of red creeps up her neck and she finds herself looking down at their hands again. ]
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[ He smiles just a bit. ] Yes, perhaps I was. Fate is certainly something of an enigma.
[ He blinks slowly as he measures what she has said. He is certain it is obvious to those that can see the pair as more than just heroes. Something of what happened on their journey on the First still deeply troubles K'thisru. He would know of it, if she allows. He had done the most he felt he could do in th3 guise of the Crystal Exarch. Oh, how he yearned to take her hands in his and hold her as their struggle continued. That would have given his identity away to most certainly the elder of the Warriors of Darkness.
Visiting her several times and leaving food had never been enough to show his affection. Something he knows quiet well. ]
If I might be so bold to place this request, in light of all that had happened... [ The Exarch glances away with his ears folding down slightly in embarrassment. ] I would ask that you feel as if you do not need to be only a hero in my presence. As we are now. We have shared adventures together, and I would see to mending the damage that was inflicted upon you. Damage that I certainly played a part in.
[ The Exarch pauses then and focuses his attention back to her. The part of him that remains a young man practically leaps at the idea. Yet, surely, she would not mean to me such a person. Not after all that has transpired.
His gaze then moves to his crystal hand. He raises it, and not for the first time, gazes through it. ]
There was a time, oh so very long ago now, that I had believed I found someone to fit the role. [ Crystal fingers flex and move at the memories he remembers clearly as if they had just happened. ] I had desired to be as heroes of eld in the songs and tales my clan had. Thus, when I had the chance to explore ancient ruins, I all but ran into the adventure head first. So eager was I to prove that I could be an adventurer and save others as stories did, that I had overlooked the qualities of what made them heroes to begin with.
[ His smile turns sad then, yet his eyes sparkle in joy. The memories are certainly bittersweet. ]
One such hero that agreed to aid our expedition left quite and impression on me, you see. For she was as strong headed and filled with a wanderlust that I was. Yet, she had learned to temper such things and prioritize why things had to be saved. Not just to simply save them for the recognition. Try as I might to garner her attention for even a night, I was never successful. I had most likely given such a poor reputation that it mattered not what I did, it would not change it.
And so, I had decided to pour the affection and awe I had for this hero into my tasks. Perhaps, by following her example, she might see the profound change she left on me. Nothing of the sort happened, of course, but I decided to stay on the path nonetheless. If I could not care for her and travel at her side? Then, at the very least, I might care for the world she loved so very much.
And while I gained a love and care for the world? I have never forgotten the fondness I had for her, for it has been my guiding light on the path I've walked since.
[ The Exarch chuckles then. ] I had often dreamed of nights I shared with her and the others underneath the gleaming Crystal Tower. Nights that most certainly meant more to me... nonetheless, I hope she cherishes those memories as well. If anything as a friend.
Which, I'm afraid, means it is rather hard to find someone on the First to care for in such a manner. My heart remains utterly taken by her.
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If you were arrogant, then clearly I was too. [ Once. Or perhaps even now, she still is. But she's trying to grow and move past that.
As for what troubles her, she is having difficulty putting it into words. Of course, she knows that she was scared, especially as the effects of having absorbed the light from the lightwardens became more pronounced and difficult to ignore. The times the effects became nearly overpowering were terrifying, and although Ardbert did his best to be a comforting presence, she still found herself incredibly shaken by them.
And, of course, there were some things that she still cannot forget about: Tesleen becoming a sin eater, for one. Ardbert's forced penance, if it can be called that, for another.
But above all of that, she feared that she would become a sin eater or lightwarden and would never be able to go home. Someone would have to cut her down too. And, of course, she feared what would happen to her sister. If both of them turned, that's bad enough. But if she turned and Alkaid didn't, or the opposite? She's certain neither of them would be the same again. ]
But... I don't know if I can do that. [ Her ears flatten even further and her tail droops until it is nearly touching the ground. ]
You are so... [ She pauses, trying to find the right words to describe him. ] You seem so wise, and you know so much. You're every bit a leader, and I suppose I don't know why you would even look twice at me, or want to help.
[ She doesn't blame him for everything that happened, even though her more impulsive side might have at one point.
But she goes silent again as she listens to him talk, laying out his feelings for this hero who caught his eye and evidently his heart.
Something inside her leaps up with excitement, with the possibility that maybe he is describing her, but then she is quick to push that possibility aside. She is too young and too foolish compared to him.
Whoever this hero is, she must be someone great and inspiring, and... Then her eyes widen as she makes a realization. Is it possible that the hero he is talking about is none other than her own sister?
Of course, Alkaid only has eyes for Aymeric, but perhaps the Exarch has quietly held affection for her this whole time.
The thought she had that she would make a confession of sorts to him all but fades from her mind then. If he has thoughts or feelings for Alkaid, or even if he doesn't, but has an eye on someone else, she will not make things uncomfortable by telling him how she feels. ]
Oh, I see. [ She finally says, tilting her head slightly to look at him. ] Well, if you talk to her and sound as persuasive as you did just now, I'm sure she wouldn't be able to look anywhere else but at you.
[ She ignores how her heart feels like it's sinking; even if whoever this person is never looks at him the way he apparently wants her to, the least she can do is try encouraging him to keep reaching out. ]
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