synthneon | echoes of truth | ❝ tales of loss and fire and flame. ❞

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echoes of truth | ❝ tales of loss and fire and flame. ❞

song of hope

BOOK 3.5: EVER HEAVENSWARD

Tales of loss and fire and faith
Every word on our hearts engraved
In the dark you will not stray
Forge ahead, till the end, we prayCODE BY TESSISAMESS

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Of course, then I will remain right here. It is, after all, where I wish to be most. [ But a part of him still is very much concerned with her well-being and her need for rest, but at the same time, he wonders if she might rest easier if he were with her. And so he concludes that remaining here is truly the best course of action for both of them.

He very nearly sits up when he feels her hand begin to shake, but he has to fight with his desire to comfort her and the exhaustion that is settling in in order to do so, and in the end, said exhaustion wins. ]

I remain hopeful and ever optimistic, but I cannot help but fear for those who still remain out there.

[ And then, feeling as though perhaps he spoke wrongly by proposing that she remain behind and rest, a statement that may have only caused her anxieties to rise, he adds: ]

I will stay with you tonight and as many nights as you wish. [ His lips turn up into a small smile and his eyes turn upwards slightly so that he might see what he can of her from his vantage point. ] And I mean to remain with you for as many nights as we have granted to us. [ For the rest of our lives. Again, he leaves that unsaid, but it ought to be a foregone conclusion by now that he intends to hold onto her as tightly as he can, as often as he can. ]

What I wish for, Lantaa, is to be together with you as we have not had the opportunity for, and to hear whatever it is you wish to tell me. And lest you worry, so long as you are present, I am certain that my rest will be more than enough.

[ If he could, he would choose this moment to press a kiss onto her hand or her cheek, but there will be time enough for both. ]

[ She nods. The pull to help his people, to find them and bring them home, most certainly must pull at every fiber of his being. That is the reason why she will never ask him to leave his city or his people. Should he chose to, then it is his right and choice. She will not ask him to abandon them for her. If he needs her at his side in leading them or guiding them? She will be there at a moment's notice. While not of Ishgard by birth, Alkaid sees herself as apart of their people.

The tremor in her hand remains even as she continues to brush his hair and gently rubbing his side. As many nights as she wishes? She would have it be every night for the rest of their lives. Another nod is given where her words fail her. She reaches for his hand, raising it to her lips for a kiss as bending down to kiss him seems impossible at the moment. ]

I need to get something.

[ She squeezes his hand before slipping from underneath him. Alkaid moves to the backpack she brought with her for provisions. After a few moments, she returns and sits at his side. In her hands rests a small notepad and a pencil.

She releases a shaky exhale and tucks her legs underneath her. Her gaze drops to her hands as a brief silence falls between them. Where to begin? There is so much he might need to know in order to understand it. With an inhale, her eyes raise to meet his once he sits up. She scoots closer to sit against him. ]

You read the report from the Scions of what we learned on the First... why the Ascians have been doing what they've been doing. [ She frowns. ] Each calamity causes a Rejoining of the other shards to the Source. But, they were doing it because they wanted to fix the world in their eyes.

[ Her head leans against him then as a familiar source of exhaustion takes her. ]

There were no shards or Source before, only one world. A world that was becoming undone at the seems for unknown reasons. The Ancients tried to save their world in so many ways, but in the end, resulted to summoning. They brought forth a primal named Zodiark... and it took the lives of half their people. [ Her hands curl around the sketch book as she knows the topic will be sensitive to him at this moment. ] A portion of the population did not agree with the course of action and summoned another primal: Hydaelyn. The two clashed, and in the end, Hydaelyn's attack sundered their world. It broke into fourteen pieces: the Source and its reflections. Doing so broke Zodiark as well, as he kept the world together... which means every time a shard is rejoined and a Calamity happens, Zodiark is one step completed, and Hydaelyn grows weaker.

[ She pauses long enough to let it all sit in his mind. Then, Alkaid raises her head once more to look at him. ]

W-when we chased Emet-Selch to bring back the Crystal Exarch, we found that he had used aether to recreate the city that oversaw the unsundered world. It was called Amaurot. [ Alkaid opens the sketchbook and begins to draw a crude outline of the cityscape that they had seen. Her art skills are pathetic compared to Alphinaud's, but, she is certain it will suffice for her explanation. ] He recreated the city before it was destroyed, and recreated aetheric copies of the people that lived there...

[ Then, she holds the sketchbook up for him to see properly. her eyes peek over the edge of the book. It certainly looks like nothing found in Eorzea or the Far East. Nothing in their world looks like that city, and, she doubts nothing will ever look like it again. ]

T-they wanted to bring this back... with all the people that were sacrificed to Zodiark...

[ It still does not sit well with him that he is here in relative safety and warmth with the woman he loves by his side, when he knows full well that families have most certainly been torn apart by these events. They have no way of knowing if their loved ones even still live, and to even think about how they must be feeling saddens him greatly. In this moment, he knows that he cannot abandon his people. His duty to them is as great as the duty he has to Alkaid, and in his mind, both duties hold equal weight. He does not know as yet how he will manage to serve both, but he is determined to do so, whatever it takes.

If she consents to remain by his side as his lady-wife and as one who lends her aid to the people of Ishgard, then he will be beyond grateful to her.

He knows that tension is mounting even higher in his shoulders and neck, as is typical when he is feeling apprehensive about something, but when he feels her lips brush against his hand, he cannot hold back the exhale of breath nor the smile that crosses his face. The tension remains, but a goodly portion of it has been siphoned away by that simple act.

When she announces that she needs to retrieve something and slips away from him, he is quick to sit up, not because he fears that she will leave, but simply because he wishes to watch and see where she might be going. Perhaps he does need to be assured that she will return from whatever it is she is doing. Of course, she returns quickly enough, and he lightly chastises himself for being worried.

To him, it seems clear that something is on her mind and so he remains silent but no less attentive to her words. She is right that he did read the report, but it was very factual and direct, as reports ought to be. He imagines that what she is about to relate will be far more winding and turning than that report was.

And true to form, as she begins to explain the state of the world so very long ago, Aymeric's tension only continues to rise. She paints a dire picture, and he believes he can understand to an extent the desperation of the Ascians, even if he cannot agree with their measures nor with what they have done.

But when he hears her speak those words, saying that the summoning of Zodiark took the lives of half of the Ancients, Aymeric's face falls. Any loss of life is unforgivable; he knows that if half of all who live in Ishgard perished for any reason, that would be a blow that he might not recover from. With that in mind, he realizes he does feel some small amount of sympathy for the Ascians: not to the point that he would be able to forgive them, but he does understand what drove them.

It is not easy for him to overlook that lives were sacrificed, but when he focuses upon the knowledge that their world was in difficulty and in danger of coming apart, he can somewhat understand. Somewhat.

Alkaid's explanation continues, moving on to speak of Hydaelyn's creation and the conflict between her and Zodiark. It comes as quite the surprise that Hydaelyn is a primal, but at the same time, he admits that he does not know very much about her.

His gaze travels then to the drawn sketch of the city that she speaks of. He imagines her depiction does not do the city, or the recreation of it, justice, but it does help him to picture the place she describes. ]

I see. [ A thoughtful, almost pensive expression has taken his face, because she has given him a lot to think about and attempt to process. ] I suppose, in light of all this, I might be able to understand some- some, mind you, of the actions of these Ascians.

But others... Others, I find quite unforgivable. [ It is not his place to have an opinion, as he well knows, and it would have no bearing anyway, but he cannot help but state his feelings on the matter regardless. ]

[ She would offer her aid to the people of Ishgard even if she was not to be his lady-wife. However, she will be, and that makes the service to Ishgard's people all that more powerful in her mind. As much as she knows he wishes to dart out to save those lost in the metaphorical storm? He is in no condition to, and in honesty, neither is she. They both must find some sort of rest this night in order to continue the fight and bring those at Monument Tower to the base camp. At least, she presumes that is the plan that Aymeric and Handeloup came to the conclusion of.

There is every intention to return to his aches and his strains once she is done sharing what she wishes to. The injuries act up in the cold and Corethas is colder than she remembers it to be. Her own feelings of being cold or aches can wait until he is capable of seeing to them. Perhaps he would not wish to see to them? Alkaid shifts her weight from one hip to the other for a moment of vulnerability.

His face falls and her gaze softens. Water gathers within her eyes. She agrees entirely with the thoughts that his expressions share. While she understood the emotion and duty that drove Emet-Selch? The reality is that their reality changed. There was no guarantee that the lives fed to Zodiark would be restored. There was no guarantee that those who had been sundered would be able to return as they would. So much was placed on hopes and dreams without the proof that it would work. At least they had an idea and enough pieces to make the cure to tempering a reality. They had enough power and strength to free Doma and Gyr Abania, to bring an end to the Dragonsong War. There must be proof of conviction and the possibility that it might work in the end... not only hopes and dreams.

Her head tilts as she watches the thoughts flicker across his face. She does not intend to rush him through conclusions or understandings. Hearing of these places and being unable to see them must seem like myths and fairytales. ]

I can understand as well. But, the cost of it all? The lives on each of the reflections, and the Source, regardless of being reborn in the aetheric sea... Emet-Selch did not see us as living beings. Not in the way that you and I do. [ Her gaze falls to the image in her hands. ] Everything to him was broken from how it should have been. He justified that it did not matter what happened to the world or the lives around him in our current state because it was not how it ought to be. Just pale reflections of what once was.

[ She lowers the notebook to her lap then. Eyebrows knit upwards once more as she struggles with saying what she truly wishes to ask him. ]

It was not just the world that Hydaelyn sundered. Every living thing on the star was broken into fourteen pieces as well. Animals, creatures, plants... us.

[ Alkaid frowns as her hands begin to shake uncontrollably. What if he rejects the notion she has wondered for so long? Of course, her time in Amaurot made her expand on her initial idea. She had thought that perhaps she and Aymeric may have had several lives together--or perhaps none and that is why the need to be with him is so strong. The idea has stuck with her since then as it expanded to the concept that perhaps it was not life after life due to Calamities, but a life in the ancient world. One cut short when the world started to come undone and Zodiark and Hydaelyn had their confrontation that led to the Sundering. Perhaps that is why... they are seven times rejoined...

She raises her gaze to him once more. Deep down, she knows it is not an idea, but something she truly believes. Something in her soul pushes the idea into the realm of truth. She has searched for him for so long...and she does not think this but she knows this to be true. Whoever they were before has echoed throughout their many lives reborn. The only thing she wishes she knew is if this was the first life since those ancient days that they have been able to be together. ]

E-every soul on our star existed as a whole one in the days of Amaurot. A piece of our souls went to each reflection when Hydaelyn made it. A-and every time a Rejoining happens due to a Calamity? That piece of our souls returns... bringing us one step closer to who we were before... but at the cost of everything those reflections became and grew to be in with their own right. Seven calamities means our souls have been rejoined seven times.

[ Then, her throat clenches around the words. She holds the notebook up between them once more even if she can barely hold onto it now. Their ancient names and lives may be lost to time, but the love she feels for him runs so very deep into her soul. That must be why she fears the idea that he may reject her now. ]

...you and I, Aymeric... the pair of us... we... we could have...

[ Gods, she prays that he might understand her meaning by the expression on her face. The words will not come forward no matter how hard she tries. There is no doubt in her mind he is her soulmate. Why else would she wish for only one mate despite every notion of her clan? What else could it be when she knew she loved him from the moment they first met at Camp Dragonhead? Far too much of it makes sense in her mind even before the strong notion in her soul that it is true. ]

Edited 2022-05-14 18:03 (UTC)

[ Aymeric's thoughts and emotions seem to be churning and swirling the longer he listens to Alkaid speak. It is clear that he sympathizes with Emet-Selch to an extent, but as Alkaid has already pointed out, the Ascian crossed a line. And everything after that line is everything that Aymeric cannot agree with nor condone.

He has become so engrossed in Alkaid's explanations that the chill and his aches have all but been forgotten. In time, they will make themselves known once more, but for the moment, all of his attention is on her and what she is saying. ]

That is all but unacceptable to me. Are all of us not alive and breathing? And what of thinking and feeling? As difficult as it is for me to comprehend, I do not dispute your account concerning the reflections and the sundering. What I do take issue with is Emet-Selch's belief that those of us who call this world- the Source home are not truly living. I cannot imagine that the good people that I have had the privilege of knowing and working alongside are merely broken pieces of who they ought to be.

Well, I suppose that we may very well be broken, but we are no less alive. You are no less alive.

[ His resolve and his belief is clear in his voice and in the look on his face, but there is still no small amount of regret concerning all the living things that were broken when the sundering occurred. Still, he imagines that no one would have truly known of it and so, they would not have experienced any ill effects. He would not have known had Alkaid not shared all of this with him. And so he supposes that those who lived their lives on those fourteen pieces were not any the wiser. ]

Something about this troubles you, does it not? Or rather, troubles you further.

[ He can see how her hands shake and the fear that seems to grip her. He has tried his best to ease her fears, to be as comforting as he can, but there is still something more that he has not yet found a way to soothe. When she speaks again, he falls silent so that he might listen and let what she says truly sink in. ]

Ah. [ Her words are halting, even uncertain, and his gaze travels to rest upon the notebook that she holds up between them. ]

We might have known each other on this Amaurot when all was whole. And what is more, we may well have continued to know each other through all of these Rejoinings. But our true selves, or rather, our selves that were whole and unsundered could have been acquainted even so long ago.

[ Then he smiles, believing that he has done his best to follow along with her and to understand everything she is telling him. ]

Perhaps that is why I feel... I feel as though I have known you for far longer than it has been since we first met that day at Camp Dragonhead. At first, I believed it to be a mere flight of fancy, an idle thought, but now... I cannot help but wonder if there might be some truth to it after all.

[ And having said that, he reaches to take hold of both her hands so that he might give them a warm squeeze. ]

I suppose he saw it as we are not alive as we ought to be. As we should be. S-so, it matters not if the lives we have now or our thoughts and feelings are as they are. He was blinded by what was to the point he could not see what is.

W-we ended his life. [ Her gaze drops for a brief moment. ] We had the help of the Warrior of Light from the First... the only one left. He was a ghost, b-but was able to give us the ability to stop Emet-Selch's plans. A-and all he did in the end was ask that we remember that Amaurot once was... and the people and way life once was...

[ Alkaid raises her gaze back to him. As it is difficult for me to comprehend. Could, then, the idea of them once being together in that ancient life too far fetched for him? Nerves rise in her once more and her ears lower to her head. What if he rebukes the idea? What if he would rather only have this life with her and none in the future? Is she truly enough for him in this life and all others?

The fear has caused a sort of chain reaction that must surely play on her face as he states they are alive. Yes, they are, and she has never once doubted or been caused pause on it. It was the realization that perhaps she and Aymeric had been as they are now in the ancient city that gave her pause. Standing in the streets next to buildings far larger than any mortal race would have need for, the realization came to her. Perhaps that is why she fears losing him so much... she had lost him once... perhaps many times before...

Her ears raise as he continues on. Acquainted. Something inside her disagrees that it was merely that. How could she love him so much if they merely knew of one another? At the very least, she knows that she loved him and still loves him deeply. So much it feels as if it is apart of her being, and she had no idea how much of her had been missing until they came together.

Her hands flex underneath his own before she must bite her lip to keep it from quivering. A surge of emotions find her way up into her. How much and how deeply she loves him, how relieved she is to hear that he at least agrees they must have known one another. How much she has missed him. Not merely through a sundered life, but the times she must be far away from him, and the time he spent buried underneath a primal.

An errant thought comes to mind then: can she truly call him hers in all things?

Alkaid gently puts the sketch to the side. Then, in a moments breath, her arms are around his neck. She buries her face between them to hug him but also to pull him close to her. Tears begin to fall from her fave from the relief of it all, even if he may not fully agree... ]

I love you, [ Alkaid says it despite the tears and shakes that have consumed her person. Her hands curl into his shirt in a familiar way and she presses her front to his. An overwhelming sense of emotions take her. She must tell him it at the very least. ] I love you. I-I always have--the moment we met... I miss you so much when we are away from another... I've missed you.

[ Truth be told, she is not sure if it's merely in this life she speaks of or their ancient life so many eons ago. It may not have mattered either way, if not for the surge of emotions that rise in her and desperately try to reach out to him. Emotions that come from so very deep inside her that she must find a way to express to Aymeric when she is so terrible at expressing them. ]

Edited 2022-05-16 05:08 (UTC)

[ He shakes his head. To him, that seems like splitting hairs. ]

Is that not only focusing on nuance? I expect that it was important for him, but I do not see how our lives now and everything that makes us who we are ceases to matter or renders us not alive according to his standards.

[ Whatever those standards are. At her next words, his voice hardens with resolve. Taking a life is never an easy decision, and he knows that it is not one that either of the Warriors of Light take lightly. Although he does not mention it aloud, his thoughts have strayed to think about his father. But his thoughts concerning him are brief and he focuses back on Alkaid, meeting her gaze. ]

Lantaa, what can I do? It seems clear that everything that you have seen about these days long past has left a mark upon you, and I would venture as far as to say it has become a weight upon your shoulders. How might I help remove it?

[ He barely finishes speaking those words before she begins speaking again herself, and what she says causess his grip upon her hands to tighten just a fraction. He knows that she loves and misses him, and he has seen just how deeply both of those things run. They run as deeply as his own love for her and longing when she is far away from him. ]

I have never doubted that for a moment, simply because the amount of love I have for you is just as great. And you have seen quite clearly that I miss you greatly when you are away.

[ He is having to reframe his thoughts in light of the information he has been given. ]

If I have understood your words correctly, we lack a way to discern whether or not we were together in those days long gone and just how deeply that togetherness went. But I- [ His lips turn up once again into a smile. ] I choose to believe that we were every bit as close as we are now.

[ And then, naturally, that raises the question of what happened to them when that ancient world was sundered. But he decides they can address one thing at a time. ]

I think... that might be the difference in perspectives... a-and he was tempered to Zodiark's will. That will wad to keep the star as it was... so maybe...

[ She shakes her head, unsure of truly how much she should guess. Emet-Selch and the other Ascians were unable to see a world that was not their own. Nothing changed his mind, no matter the lives he saw or lived among them. In the end it came down to the battle of worlds and, his was lost. A weight does rest upon her shoulders for it.

Her eyes close as she further moves to sit in his hold. Her arms are still wrapped around his neck and face still hiding in between his shoulder and neck. A hand leaves his shirt at the mention of how much he misses her. It rests upon the back of his head with fingers entwining in the ends to give him comfort. Her tail sways ever so slightly at his words to show she has heard him and it makes a new wave of love seemingly blossom in her chest.

Alkaid lifts her head, exhaustion and tears plain to see on her face. Her eyebrows raise at his conclusion. A fresh wave of tears come, but again from relief and joy that he at least believes the same. A hitch in her breathing comes and goes as she tries to calm herself to some degree.

Eventually, her hands move to cup his face. ]

N-no. Not that I know of.

[ She smiles at him despite the exhaustion and tears. Her thumbs brush along his cheeks. There is a sense of peace amongst it all--that they've truly found one another and kept one another despite the odds.

He had asked her a question, had he not?

Alkaid shifts to sit properly in his lap. A leg is one either side of him. She leans all her weight against him, chin on his collarbone to gaze upwards. ]

... they have. Taking Emet-Selch's life wasn't just an end to his plans as an Ascian. It was the end of his dream, the world he fought so hard for... a world we came from. [ Alkaid tilts her head to nudge his chest gently. ] B-but I couldn't let him take my world: this star, the people on it, my sister... you. I couldn't-I can't lose you. Not to a seemingly endless war, the Empire's Black Rose, Ascians, o-or a primal that'd taken our home.

[ She closes her eyes and rubs her cheek against his chest. ] How can you help lift it? You already do, my love. You listen to my stories, take care of me when my nightmares become too much. You've given me a home, a-and still desire me... not only romantically but as your wife.

[ Alkaid shifts her gaze to him once more, brushing her hand down his cheek and jawline. Then, she sits up to press her forehead to his. ]

Ishgard's strong walls give you the foundation to keep moving forward. Everything you've done is because of the security it gives you. [ She smiles at him. ] You are the foundation for me to move onward. My security, my strength, my knight.

[ He is doing his best to follow along, to understand the depth of meaning behind all of this, not to mention the repercussions of Emet-Selch's actions. It isn't so much that it is difficult to follow, but there is so much to unpack here that he scarcely knows where to start.

The revelation that Hydaelyn is a primal, and so is- or was, this Zodiark, still comes as a surprise to him. Granted, with the primal activity that they have had thus far, it is not a complete shock, but still, it is something he was not prepared for.

If he were capable of it, he would press a finger to his lips while he thought all this over, but with how he is holding her, he does not wish to move nor break their connection.

When her hands move to cup his face, his eyes close momentarily, as if he is drinking in the feel of her hands on him. He knows some time has passed since he last said anything in reply, but he is still trying to sort through his thoughts... thoughts that only grow more convoluted as she goes on to say that by stopping Emet-Selch, they put an end to his dream of restoring the world that he knew.

And if what he has learned in the course of this conversation, that world was one that they knew as well. Her words have not gone unheard, and he reaches out for her, placing a hand upon her forearm and giving it a firm but gentle squeeze. He loves her more than he can ever recall loving anyone, and he cannot help but feel that there is more he could do to help shoulder her burdens.

But in a way, it eases his mind to know that she thinks he is doing just that for her, regardless of what he might personally think. His eyes remain open, yet his head tips downward just a fraction as he continues to mull everything he has learned over.

But in light of all this, there still is just one thing that he wants to say: ]

Ishgard may very well be my foundation, but you- you are what inspires me every day.

[ Alkaid watches the expressions move across his face. She understands that the information is all so much to give to another. Being on the First and learning it while still struggling with the sin eaters and Lightwardens had been a struggle within itself. Yet, she and K'thisru had the Scions there. All Aymeric has to guide his understanding is her, and perhaps she is not the person that should have shared it. Perhaps her explanations are not enough or not devoid of emotion to represent mere facts. Perhaps Alphinaud is better left to explain it, or even Y'shtola. Someone who is not driven by the emotion of the discovery.

She blinks a few times through the silence as his mind tries to comprehend it all. There had been one time she attempted to reach out in this manner before, but did not expect him to quite understand her meaning. She feels that while he may understand it in his mind, the part she reaches for may not be able to respond. The desire, the need, for him to look at her and see her shakes her very soul. Not as only Lantaa, but as the woman that loves him above all else. They cannot see each other as they once were or even know their names. Those lives had been so very long ago, and now they are what remains. Incomplete souls, yes, but enough of who they were to find one another despite the many lives they surely must have lived.

For the first time, she feels she might finally understand the pain that Emet-Selch felt. Except he truly did remember all of them as they once were. He had lived through every Calamity--that he of course helped cause--but every person he spoke to could never remember what he did. If he had at once ever tried to reach out as she is... how many times had he tried until he found it utterly pointless? Perhaps that was the source of his apathy and his malice. They could not truly be alive if they did not know him as they should...

Alkaid raises her gaze as he squeezes her arm. It pulls her from her own thoughts. Despite the folded ears and still tail, she offers him a smile the brightest she can. Regardless of their possible ancient past or connection, he is still the man she loves entirely in this life and any life after. She presses her forehead to his once more and nudges his nose with hers. ]

I could think of far better inspirations. [ She forces her tone to be light and to lift the spirit of their conversation. She can sort through her own emotions once he has drifted to sleep. ] Certainly ones that do not try to inspire you to act with her in such a very improper way.

I imagine that there is much you wish to hear from me in light of everything you have just related to me, and I would give you an answer, and it most likely would be a lengthy one. But for the moment, I only have this to say: it seems quite clear to me that you and I have had quite the history, whether or not we can recall it, and fate or fortune or both has seen fit to bring us together once more.

And I for one have no intentions of being parted from you for any reason. You are to be my wife, but more than that, you are the woman that I love greatly and cannot imagine a future without you in it.

[ He hopes that his words are reassuring and what she wishes to hear. If he needs to repeat himself, then he will, as many times as it takes. ]

Far better inspirations? Who could be a better inspiration than you? I can think of no one. I will have you as you are, improper encouragements and all.

[ And as he did once, he does again, sticking his nose rather pompously into the air for the sole purpose of making her laugh. ]

[ Alkaid pauses, if only long enough to swallow the sudden emotions that spring to her throat. It is clear that his words have struck their mark. A sense of peace comes to her then. She gently rubs her cheek into his chest and closes her eyes to keep the tears at bay. The way her ears twitch and her tail settles should be the insight he needs to how deeply she feels his answer. Her knight and love. Somehow, regardless of what strife ails her heart, he knows how to soothe it.

A gentle laugh comes from her at his playful attempt at being pompous. By far it is the one thing that Aymeric is not.

She gently rolls from him to lay at his side. Her hands slide from behind his neck to his shirt and give a soft tug for him to lay with her. Once he has, no time is wasted before she moves back into his arms and pressed against his frame. She supposes they ought to lay underneath the blankets as well. ]

I... would like to hear your lengthy answer. [ Her ears bend down once more, as if embarrassed or ashamed of what she will say next. ] I've missed speaking with you like this... being beside you in bed...

[ Alkaid quickly glances away in order to bury the pain once more. The pain and heartache that his tempering brought. She does not blame him--not for one moment. Yet, how deeply she feared losing him is something she cannot entirely shake. Memories of the assassination attempt dare to spring to mind once more, but she refuses to give them a second thought.

She raises her gaze to his once more. ] Thisru is far better a Warrior of Light and an example of one than I am.

[ He slides an arm around her, intending to pull her closer, because all he really wants in this moment is to have her be as close to him as is comfortable for her. He wishes to hold her, to touch her, to have the light but pleasant scent he associates with her sweeping over his senses. A small smile takes his face as he sees her ears twitch and her tail finally settle down into stillness. Perhaps she can finally rest and be at peace, and if not, then perhaps she is on her way to reaching that state of being.

When she rolls away from him, moving so that she is lying at his side, he simply watches, but before he knows it, her hands have slid from around his neck to take hold of his shirt, which she begins tugging on. Of course he does as requested, moving to lie with her as she wishes. Once they are still again, his arms slide around her once more, as if he intends to never let go. ]

I would ask if you are certain, because I believe any answer I might give you would be long and winding, and far from purposeful or direct. [ In short, it would be the exact opposite of his usual speeches.

His smile fades slightly when he sees her look away, and the worry and fears that he has for her rise once more. He is only a man, not even a healer, and although he knows he will try again and again to help shoulder her burdens or even remove them completely by offering his support, such as it is, he wonders if her hurts run too deep to ever heal. ]

Your sister may face battles and danger head on, but you have a difficult job as well, Lantaa. To heal those who need it is no small matter, but what of those that...

[ His voice trails off, because perhaps it would be unkind to finish that sentence. He is certain she does not need to be reminded that not all can be healed or saved. ]

I believe that you are every bit an example as your sister. You both are Warriors of Light, and you fight in your own ways. We could not have one without the other, nor would anyone ever wish to.

[ She presses the side of her face into his chest, gently rubbing her cheek there as if to comfort the both of them. This latest trial--this return of ghosts from Ishgard's past--has done much more damage than any other than them might know. She is certain his heart is just as wounded as hers, and that it aches and hurts the same. There had been no intentions of sharing the idea of their shared history until she saw the white and blue light removed from his eyes.

She had almost lost him again.

Her hands curl tighter in his shirt for but a moment. Then, they move to circle around him. They tug his shirt up in order to slip underneath the fabric and rest on his scared back. The motion is not meant to inspire or awaken passions of any sort--not this time. She merely wishes to touch him, to be close to him. It will reaffirm in her mind he is truly with her once more. That she will not wake up in a cell or a delegate's room with him barely responsive and not himself. ]

Yes, I'm certain. [ Alkaid turns her head to press her forehead to his chest. The hands on his back curl slightly, but not to a point where nails might press against his skin.Her voice cracks and hitches before finally lowering into something barely audible: ] I've missed you...

[ Herself, in this life, Lantaa. She's aware that it is a phrase repeated over and over--perhaps it may even lose it's meaning or impact. Yet, she feels she cannot state it enough to express the emotions behind it. She's missed how he speaks and the way his voice sounds, the manner in how he holds her that feels as if he can shelter her from the world. ]

I can't save them all... there's been so many who... [ Alkaid shakes her head. ] I feel as if Thisru could save more than I ever could. She is the one who is needed the most... maybe even the one who wants to be the adventurer or Warrior of Light more...

[ The words that he would say are right there in his mind and on the tip of his tongue, and yet when it comes to actually voicing them, he finds the part of him that simply wants to lie here like this with her is warring with the part of him that would spill out all the thoughts he has about everything he has learned about their ancient past.

In the end, he reaches a compromise of sorts. He can lie with her and hold her while he speaks about what she has told him. As always, when her hands circle around him, coming to rest upon the scarred portion of his back, a shiver creeps up his spine and travels out to the rest of him. Those particular scars do not hurt anymore, nor are they overly sensitive, and yet small explosions form wherever her hands go, and that is a reaction he cannot help. Nor does he want to, as it is not an unpleasant one by any means. ]

It is not difficult for me to imagine that you and I could have had a longer history than the one that seemingly began at Camp Dragonhead. Mayhap the seeds of my realization had already been planted, only I had yet to recognize them, but there is a part of me that is wholly unsurprised by this notion and instead, welcomes it gladly.

[ Her forehead is pressed against his chest, and he places one hand on top of her head in what he hopes is a comforting gesture. Whether he would state it aloud or not, he also missed her far more than he can put into mere words. ]

I am in no position to speak for your sister, but it is not difficult for me to imagine that she would insist upon needing and wanting you at her side. No one can save everyone who is in harm's way, and I have certainly wished that I could do that very thing. And yet- All we can do is simply try.

[ For those we can yet save... ]

Even if a time should come (and I doubt very much that it will) that your sister no longer needs you, that she has decided to venture forth as the Warrior of Light alone-

[ His gaze tips downwards, eyes searching to meet with hers. ]

I have need of you.

[ And there, the tone of his voice deepens, pointing to how much he means those words and how much he wishes to keep her by his side always. ]

[ Her nose gently nudges his chest at his shiver. Normally, she could tell the difference between a reaction of pleasure or if he is chilled. In this very moment, however, she is wrapped in the emotions of the moment. They swirl and churn as they threaten to surface after so long of keeping them to herself. She still attempts to press them down for his benefit at this very time. He needs her strong until they can free Ishgard...

Her head tilts into his hand to encourage the movements in her hair. Another nudge is given at his statement. A gentle sound escapes her, one of happiness and also longing. His confession is hardly as long as she had envisioned. Her fingers gently brush against one of the scars on his back.

A nod follows his next statement. Not all can be saved, but they must still try to save who they can. Otherwise, what is the point of it all? For those that she has been unable to save, there have been many she has been able to. As many who turned into Sin Eaters, there are those who have lived, and will see those souls reborn a new free from being the malformed beasts. The knowledge does little to aid her wounded heart, but, it is better than nothing.

Alkaid tilts her head back enough to raise her eyes to meet his. She presses herself against him, eyebrows tilting upwards at his words. ]

Who else will ease the tension in your side and shoulders?

[ A jest, of course, but a serious meaning is behind her words. She doubts he may trust another to do such an act. She instead means it to encourage him to continue to say anything else he feels he might struggle giving voice to. ]

[ There is more that he wants to say, more that he wants to express about how he wishes there was a way for them to know what sort of life they might have had in those ancient days. But he is finding it difficult to focus on putting his thoughts into words with Alkaid being so attentive and loving as she always is. Still, he knows she is waiting to hear his thoughts, and so he adds: ]

If only documents or records existed from that time. Certainly, I would not expect to see mention of myself- or rather, my past self in any of those, as I imagine he would pale considerably in comparison to you, even if the position that you held was a slightly different one.

[ His lips turn up into a smile as he ponders this. ] Your star shines far too brightly for you to be a mere footnote on the pages of history in any timeline.

[ His smile remains at her question, but his gaze intensifies just slightly, because as she has guessed, he would trust no other to care for him in the way that she has. ]

None, because no other could do it as skillfully as you.

[ Her ears perk at his statement. Perhaps the recreation of Amaurot has documents that truly existed there. The city had the people that ran it as well as those who lived in it to some degree. She could even try asking the shade of Hytholodaeus if he knew anything. After all, he referred to her and K'thisru as "my old new friends." He might have an idea... ]

Maybe I can find out something... [ she pauses then at his next statement. Her eyes widen and she hakes her head quickly. ] N-no. Don't say that. I'm... I'm only able to do these things because of Thisru and you. Please, don't belittle how important you are...

[ Alkaid presses her forehead to his chest once more as if to back up what she said. ]

I think, in truth, it is more you allow me to be so close.

[ Truthfully, part of him wishes that he could journey with her, to see the places that she has spoken of, including the recreation of Amaurot, but that seems rather impossible and not only because his duties will not allow it. ]

Do you think it possible? [ He finds his curiosity has been piqued by all this, and a part of him very keenly wants to learn more. But then, when her words turn to ones almost pleading with him to not speak about himself in such a way, his posture stiffens for a moment before releasing itself once more.

He had not meant to say those exact words, words that reflect his inner thoughts concerning himself. As a rule, he does not speak overly much about his accomplishments and achievements, but neither does he outright tell people of his reticence to think highly of himself... or rather, to think higher of himself than he ought to. Truthfully, he believes he has done nothing of note, and what he has done was only because others paved the way for him.

Perhaps that is why he is so determined to do what he can to see that Ishgard finally reaches a period of peace and restoration. He will pave the way for those who would move forward as others have done for him.

He shakes his head once, indicating a mild disagreement with what she has said. ]

I believe that you are able to do the things that you have done because you possess a wealth of strength inside you. You and your sister both are most remarkable in your own right, and I... Well, I am merely someone who once commanded soldiers and now works as an overseer of meetings and proceedings who also strives to offer you what encouragement and support I can.

[ He does not say it, but it feels to him that while he might be somewhat important, especially to her, he still feels as though he does not rank very highly (if there were rankings), and he certainly is not more important than her sister. ]

There was one aetheric recreation there... a-a shade who had awareness entirely. He recognized Thisru and I by the color of our soul. He called us "my old new friends." I-if anyone might know where to look, or have information, perhaps it is Hytholodaeus... if I return to the First, I will be certain to ask.

[ She does not know who she and her sister were before hand, other than apparently a connection to the shade and Emet-Selch. Those facts and that of knowing she is tied to Aymeric. Learning anything would mean she must leave his side and home once more. A feat that she honestly does not wish perform more than she must.

His words cause her arms to shake once more. How can she be so horrible at expressing things to him? Why can her words never seem to be enough to have him understand and believe just how much she needs him; how much he matters to her? How much so many in Ishgard look to him as their leader? He saw them through ending the Dragonsong War. He made the military choices needed to see it through when none others in a thousand years could. He is not only so very much needed, but so deeply loved...

Alkaid remains quiet for a moment as she wrestles with what to say or do. He quite obviously does not remember much--if anything--of the time he spent just days ago as a thrall to King Thordan. She had told him something during that time, even made a request of him. Part of her is glad he seemingly does not remember that she did or why she did...

Alkaid pushes herself up so she might lean over him. Both of her shaking hands cup his face, fingertips moving into the hair that sits in front of her ears. Tears gave already gathered in her eyes and begun to fall. ]

I might ... I might have continued to do amazing things even if we did not meet in this life. M-maybe Thisru and I would be war heroes... but... but... [ Her ears press down to her head once her eyes have close in an attempt to stop her tears. ] I-I don't know how much of me would be the Warrior of Light and how much would be Lantaa. If I lost you... I... I don't know much of Lantaa would remain. I don't--I don't wish to be on any star where you are not.

[ Her head lowers a fraction before she leans forward to nudge his jaw with her nose. A silent request he not be angry or disappointed in her for not being the strong and impenetrable Warrior of Light they all think she and her sister are. Her whole person begins to shake and she's aware she cannot stop not that she has started. ]

I couldn't have survived what I did on the First without you. W-without knowing that I had someone I had to return to at all costs. Someone who needs me, n-not just the Warrior of Light. Someone who sees the person underneath all the titles and accolades, who just wishes to be with me... the person I love more than anything else on this star...

[ Alkaid reaches for his hand with her own. She presses then to her chest, above her heart. Her nose nudges his chin once more as her tears continue. ]

The man that I wish I could properly explain how much I love and need him. The man I need to feel whole and complete, regardless of how my soul might still be spread across the reflections. The man who... who... I was so afraid that I would lose, despite all that I tried to do... [ Alkaid tilts her head down and presses back the cry that wishes to burst through her. ] The man w-who I loved since the moment I saw him at a diplomatic meeting, who if he asked me to jump into a ravine to stop a war that plagued his people, I would. Simply because he asked me...

[ Her hand curls around his tightly. ] My knight that I was so terrified I'd lose after his countrymen tried to take his life. He wasn't mine to lose then... I thought he wouldn't love a Warrior of Light beyond her titles and deeds, or have any interest in me... s-so I had settled on loving him from afar, doing whatever he would ask of me, in a way to show the love I had for him and his people. B-but, when I learned they tried to kill him...t-to take him away... a-and refused to let me help heal him...

I couldn't bear the thought of living on this star without being able to see him smile again. I still can't--even moreso now. [ A gentle sob finally breaks through and she presses her nose once more to his jaw. Please, don't think less of me. ] about are so very loved, Aymeric de Borel. Your countrymen love and admire you. You are their inspiration...

B-but none love you as much as I, and I cannot even express how much I love you. What can I do to show you? Maybe it is not enough to heal the hurt your father gave you...but, I wish to at least try to...

Edited 2022-05-26 17:55 (UTC)

I see. [ He still finds it difficult to visualize all the things she has told him about this ancient city and the people who once lived there and were recreated as shades of themselves. ] If this person has information that might turn out to be useful, perhaps... Perhaps you should make a return trip there. Never mind how reluctant I am to let you go.

[ He has no ownership over her, although he thinks of her as his lady and his dearest, but the fact remains that she is free to go where she wills, if that is what she decides to do. As has already been established many times before now, he misses her when she is away, but that is simply the lot that has been cast for them.

But as far as his doubts concerning himself and his worth... Those are not so easily put aside, as she has also seen several times before now. That people love him and need him, he does not dispute, but he simply maintains that he is no more important than anyone else. Anyone else could have led Ishgard as he did, if they possessed similar motivations. His were, and are, not unique in any fashion, and neither is the path that he has chosen to walk.

A part of him believes that the life that he leads could just as easily have been someone else's, if fate decided to weave things differently. Another man could have stood at Alkaid's side, and perhaps that man would have inspired her to do even greater things than she already has done. And perhaps that man would not seem to upset her as much as he, Aymeric, does.

Oh, they have had many happy moments together, and moments in which both of them held and comforted the other and brought each other to a peaceful, relaxed state. But he fears that all he does is bring her hurt and disappointment more than he brings her joy and happiness. And perhaps if another man were here in his stead, she would have more of those moments and less of ones that bring her distress.

But he voices none of this, because he is certain that even giving a hint of what he is thinking would hurt her even further, and that is the last thing he intends. Even so, his shoulders curl forward as the weight of his thoughts presses down on him once more. He cannot help the reaction, but he does not wish to place the burden of his twisting thoughts upon her when it is clear to him that she is still very much wrestling with her own burdens and worries.

He is listening to every word she says, because how can he not? Her voice draws him in, as does every move she makes. It is his own voice he does not trust at the moment, and so he merely listens, but his entire being is focused upon her and what she says.

When she nudges her nose against his jaw, his eyes slide closed for a fraction of a second, and he leans into that slight touch almost reflexively.

The more she speaks, the more his emotions begin to churn and rise, but he desperately tries to press them back down again lest the dam break and everything he has worked to keep inside comes spilling out. He already believes he does not deserve her love or her care, and yet she offers both to him willingly.

And to hear her speak of how much she loves and needs him, although he does not need the verbal reminder, further causes his heart to ache. Simply put, he loves her more than he has ever loved anyone, and yet he still feels wholly inadequate and undeserving of her.

Her words turn to describing her reactions to the assassination attempt that occurred on the city streets, and for a moment, he freezes in place. Some of those events are little better than blurs in his mind, but he can distinctly recall the attack and being carried from the street to the healers and the mingled pain and fear he felt, knowing that his own people attacked him. Enmeshed in all of that was a feeling that he had not acted in the best interests of his people, and that was why they felt they needed to remove him from the picture.

Even now, he still has not fully come to terms with everything he felt during and after the attack, but so much has happened that he had to push that to the side, but more importantly... a good portion of his thoughts and feelings have been devoted to being there for Alkaid as much as he can. And if he is being honest, it is the happiness that he has when he is with her that keeps his darker thoughts at bay. There are times when those thoughts manage to slip through, but overall, he knows that he is the happiest he has been in some time.

And knowing he has been silent for too long while she spoke and he listened, he squeezes her hand firmly but gently, and with his other hand, he lightly touches her face so that he might wipe away the tears that are falling there.

He has long thought about how he might move forward with the wounds that he still carries and the love that she offers him, and, well... the answer seems clear enough to him. Putting aside the hurts from the past is not an easy task, but he can do it with her by his side.

His hand moves from brushing away her tears to gently caress her cheek, and he finally finds his voice once more. ]

You already have begun doing just that, Lantaa. And... lest there be any doubt, none love you as much as I do. [ He says that, knowing that there are those who love her, including her own sister, and he would not usurp those positions, especially not K'thisru's, but he loves her with the entirety of his being.

And having said that, he leans in slightly so that he might press a kiss to her lips. ]

Edited 2022-05-27 00:53 (UTC)

[ Alkaid falls quiet at his suggestion. Her gaze drops before she bites her lower lip ever so slightly. ] ...I don't want to leave.

[ Of course, there will come a time she is forced to leave. Politics, war, a need on the First. That aside, she does not want to leave of her own choice. She wishes to spend all the time with him that she can. First, they must take care of the primal that has gripped their home, and then she will spend every waking moment with him that allows. She will only leave his side if he asks her to care for something specific to aid his people.

Alkaid leaves a gentle kiss at where his jaw and neck meet when she feels him tense. There is so much he has to process, understand, and come to terms with. It seems as if it never ends. His father becoming a primal and betraying their city, his father raised as a primal once more, where to take his city. The last thing she wishes him to be confused or uncertain of is their relationship and how she loves him.

She squeezes his hand in return. Her head tilts into the hand on her face and gently nudges the fingers there. For a moment she remains still, then, she opens her eyes to meet his gaze. The question in her gaze is not one of asking for validation of what he says. The question is more of one asking if he truly is well now... when it seems that neither of them truly are.

Alkaid tilts into his kiss so he may not need to reach so far. The kiss is returned in earnest; a desire to pour all she feels into the one motion so he might feel it as well. Her kiss is not hungry or full as desire as it might normally be, instead driven by emotions and a need for him to feel loved.

While she cannot truly understand the depths of his pain, she believes she might understand something of it in her mind. Aymeric had not only been abandoned by Thordan, but his own mother. How it must feel knowing that both parents did not wish to have you... and even more seeing one neigh daily as he was the leader of Ishgard.

The Borels had taken him in as their own, raised him, and saved him. While not for her sake alone, she cannot thank them enough for saving him so she might one day find him. It is a thought she will not share as it feels entirely selfish to think. ]

I know I can never heal it entirely... that some wounds will never heal. [ She presses a kiss to his lips again. ] A-and none love you as much as I. That is why I... I want to do all I can to aid you, and help you where life has been so cruel to hurt you...

And I do not wish to see you go. I would accompany you, but of course that is quite impossible. [ And admitting that aloud makes his heart ache more than he cares to admit. In fact, the entirety of this conversation is bringing everything he has tried so hard to suppress to the forefront of it all, which is the last thing that he wants.

Already he can feel the ripples of things he has left unsettled and unaddressed beginning to swirl about, and he tries his best to push them away once more. Knowing that she can detect things from people's aether, even if she is not presently tending to his own, he tries his best to remain calm around her so that she may not pick up any distress coming from him. Knowing that that is not how her gifts function, it might seem like a foolish gesture, but it seems to help keep him slightly more even-keeled, even in the face of upheaval.

No matter how much hurt and unresolved issues he still carries with him, they are his to sort out and he would not trouble her or anyone else with them more than he already has. The only problem is that the list of issues he needs to address appears to be growing longer almost every day.

When she presses that kiss against the place where his jaw and neck meet, he all but forces the rising tension away, hoping that her soothing touch will be enough to calm the storm inside him. Even so, the fact remains that there is still so much he has yet to fully understand and come to terms with, but the one thing he understands without a doubt is that she loves him just as much as he loves her. That has never been a question, and it is one certainty in a sea full of uncertainties that he has come to rely upon.

The nudge of her face against his fingers further draws his attention, and his eyes lock with hers. He believes he knows the unspoken question that her eyes are asking, and while he would quickly answer in the affirmative, he is certain she would see right through it.

But the moment that she joins him in the kiss, all thoughts flee from his mind and all he can think about is his love for her and how he wishes they could have moments like this every day. When he is with her, it is somehow easier to look towards a future that is not so wrought with conflict, unrest, and uncertainty. One day, there might be more days of peace and fewer occasions in which she and her sister have to travel to the farthest parts of their star. That really is all he could ever ask for.

At her next words, he tilts his head to one side as if pondering them carefully. ]

Has it? [ He will not deny that the road he is walking has had its difficulties, and some of those still remain. What is more, he has sustained some hurts along the way, but so have many others, and to a far greater extent than his own, or so he chooses to believe.

He realizes once he has asked that question that it could be misinterpreted if he continues expressing the thoughts that came to him, and so he changes tactics. ]

I would never refuse your aid, nor your love or anything else that you chose to offer me. All I ask is that you allow me to show you the same kindness that you have given me, that I might aid and assist with anything that troubles you and weighs you down.

[ And having said that, he leans in again so that he might kiss her once more. ]

Edited 2022-05-27 06:50 (UTC)

Then, you must come with me next time I travel. As long as it is not to the First... anywhere else on our star. [ She gently nudges her nose to his jaw once more before pressing a kiss there. ] I'll steal you away if I must.

[ Of course, as soon as she says it, a part of her knows he will not abandon Ishgard. Not after all that has happened with King Thordan's return, and most certainly, the rebuilding efforts that will take place once she and K'thisru slay the primal again. Still, she longs to hear him say "Yes." She wishes he will give her the permission to steal him a way. He has said so many times that they should--and she as well--but they never have. She presses her nose to his jaw again as if to express how much she truly wishes to take him away.

Her fingers slip between his on the hand she holds, affording it a gentle squeeze in an attempt to ease the tension she can feel in his neck. She is certain his aether is churning, but hers is still far to low to attempt any sort of healing in such a way. She is certain she could push herself, but Aymeric would certainly scold her for doing so. Instead, she hopes her touch is enough as her fingers run along his.

Her eyebrows raise gently at his question with a look of uncertainty in her eyes. Yes, life has been extremely cruel to him and harsh. While others may certainly have different struggles that seem so obvious? That does not change how his life has been. Parents that threw him to the side, a near endless war, the loss of the parents that did raise him, the near loss of his best friend that may as well be his brother, an assassination attempt, and now his birth father raised and attempted to make him a mindless thrall. His hurts are so very deep, even if he will not truly acknowledge them out loud. ]

O-of course. I... I... when I tried to speak of what happened at Norvrandt, I couldn't. Everything froze, the words wouldn't come. It was not that I did not wish to share what happened... save hurting you more with the fact you could not be there.

[ Alkaid forces herself to smile, but it is a sad one with tears still in her eyes. Before she can continue he kisses her again. The two-toned eyes fall shut before she leans entirely into his kiss once again, half resting against him and half on the bed. ]

Surely you must know how much I long for that very thing. [ His eyes slide closed for a moment when she nudges his jaw with her nose, and he allows those feelings of longing, as poignant as they are, to sweep over him. He does not begrudge his duty, nor will he ever, but he so very much desires to have the freedom to travel alongside her, his beloved and his dearest.

One might not think him capable of such deep longings, given the way he keeps his mask of stoicism firmly in place, but for someone like Alkaid who has seen him in vulnerable states before... He imagines she is no longer fooled by said mask. Nevertheless, he clings to that as much as possible, especially when his emotions threaten to break through as they are presently doing.

He does not consider himself bound or trapped by his responsibilities, and his service to Ishgard has never chafed, not even once over the years. But now he so desperately longs for a short period of reprieve, just long enough to take a trip away with her that something begins to burn in his eyes, and he quickly dips his head to try and obscure any unseemly display that might occur. Never mind that he has shed tears in front of her before, but the memory of that seems to have slipped to the back of his mind along with most of what transpired while he was enthralled by Thordan.

When she squeezes his hand, his fingers tighten around hers too, as if still very much clinging onto her as if she is his only support and lifeline when his emotions threaten to spin out of control. However, that only makes his guilt and regret worse, because does she not have enough to shoulder without him adding his own troubles? He should not feel as upset as he does, and yet it feels to him that something inside him has broken and will take time to fully heal.

Or perhaps an injury already existed and has only been exacerbated by recent events. Either way, he deems these displays of weakness as unfitting for someone in his position, and an apology to her that she has to see it is once again lingering on his tongue.

But one thing is clear: however hurt he might be, he needs to be strong for her as well, and to that end, he straightens his shoulders but he does not break their kiss. ]

There is no need for any sort of haste. If there is something you would say, I would hear of it, but you do not need to push yourself to speak if you feel you are not ready. And... you do not have to fear about hurting me, particularly when the reasons why I cannot accompany you are largely of my own making. I realize that I could not accompany you there, but regardless of whether the barriers preventing such a thing are mine or designed by others-

That we must be deprived of each other's company is because of me, and for that, I apologize.

[ Aymeric then reaches for her other hand so that both of their hands might be joined together, and he gives that one a gentle squeeze as well even as he presses yet another kiss against her lips. ]

BOOK 3.5: EVER HEAVENSWARD

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