FF PSL | ❝ for those we can yet save. ❞

[hobbitholmes]

AFTERGLOW

— hear, feel think. —

❄️ HEAVENSWARD

★ Ever Heavensward (3.0)
    — Ishgard Meetings, Part 2

★ As Goes Light, So Goes Darkness (3.1)
    — Unfleeting Emotions

★ The Gears of Change (3.2)
    — Heavy Hearts, Part 2

★ Revenge of the Horde (3.3)
    — Starlight Festival (Alkaid)
    — Starlight Festival (KP)

🔥 STORMBLOOD

★ IC Permission
★ IC Permission
★ IC Permission
★ IC Permission
★ IC Permission

BEYOND

CODE BY TESSISAMESS

Comments

[shepherdtostars]

[ There are times when she wonders if she truly is enough. Not as a wife or as a Warrior of Light, but as her, K'Lantaa Pahsh. It is usually an idle thought that crosses her mind when she first awakens. More so when last she was home in Ishgard, opening her eyes to find him beside her. Seeing him there filled her heart with a quiet joy that she truly had not realized how much she grew used to it until it was no longer there. Without her various titles and deeds, she is still just a Miqo'te who is gifted in healing. Can she be truly enough even once she is stripped of even her gifted magicks?

Her eyes widen slightly at his proposal. No rejection or disgust is in her gaze, only surprise. Her ears lift up slightly and she moves to simply place her hands against his. She would hold them, but, she would rather he not move his hands unless utterly necessary. Alkaid tilts her head slightly to the side once again. ]

Are you certain? [ Alkaid's voice is quiet gentle, despite their intimate positioning. The teasing and alluring tone has melted away to something far more vulnerable and, even more so, quieter. ] I-I don't mind waiting. If you feel we must to make me happy or to keep me with you...

[ She glances to the side with her ears lowering. ] Of course I want to. I wish to be as close to you as possible. But, I... I don't want you to feel it is necessary, or that I would be unhappy if we wait... [ Her tail sways side to side for a moment as she bites her lip. Then, even quieter: ] I don't want anything you experience with me to be something you regret.

[thewayforpeace]

[ Well, then in that respect, they make quite a pair, because he fears that he is not enough for her. What does he have to offer her except for his family home and a never-ending swirl of reports to be read and meetings to preside over? He imagines that his is quite a dull life in comparison to hers. Still, his wants are simple; in his mind's eye, he sees the two of them sharing cups of tea by the fireplace, or her sitting on the couch, legs tucked beneath her as she reads a book and he peruses more reports. Or better yet, they converse with each other until both of them feel the need to retire to their bed.

Already she is a part of his life and he cannot imagine not having her there with him to share his home and whatever may come for them in the future.

That is why, to his surprise, he is willing to consider crossing this particular line even before they are finally joined. ]

I will always want to make you happy and to keep you with me, but more than that... It seems as though my mind and my heart are in agreement on this: you are a part of my life now, and part of my family as well, and I would withhold nothing from you, not even my own self.

But then, at the same time, I realize that confessing this to you may well place you in a position of obligation, which is not at all what I desire. My only aim in telling you this is so that you know my thoughts and my heart as well. I have no expectations for you other than that you know the depths of my regard for you, Lantaa.

[shepherdtostars]

[ She had never wanted a life full of excitement and danger at every turn. Simply to travel and heal the woes of those around her. It had changed very much the moment she received Hydaelyn's blessing and was reunited with her sister. She does not begrudge traveling with he sister as they wanted as small kittens. She... simply wishes it were not as heroes.

A life filled with children and simply being a his side, intimate as they are now, or by the fire with drinks and reports is a life she would love to have.

Is it truly withholding if he simply wishes to wait? She has never thought so, even if there had been disappointment here and there. Her fingers idly run along his hands as she weighs the moment. Of course, she yearns to touch him and to be touched. Yet, she worries he might wake one morning, and realize perhaps they should have waited. Why would he change his mind from his stance but a few months ago...?

Alkaid turns her gaze to him once more. She leans forward, hovering over him, with her hands on either side of his face. A gentle kiss is placed to his chin before resting her forehead to his. Only one thing comes to mind in her ponderings as to why his mind changed. ]

I see. [ Her voice is soft and barely above a whisper. Another kiss is placed to his cheek, then the corner of his mouth. If he truly wishes to go this one last step? She will need to see to seducing him utterly then. Despite how the nervous butterflies twist in her stomach. ] Did you truly miss me that much, my lord?

[thewayforpeace]

[ He so wishes they could have that life, the life that both of them seem to long for more than anything else. If only he could give it to her, or at least give them a reprieve from their responsibilities.

But for the moment, they have a small one at least, and he means to not waste a second of it. He, too, wishes to touch her and be touched in return, that they might finally cross that boundary between those most intimate touches. Even now, the feel of her hands on his face and the way she gently kisses him causes a swell of emotions and a mist to form in his eyes, because he truly missed her while she was gone.

It does feel as though half of him has left whenever she leaves, and he only feels whole again when she has returned. ]

When you are gone, even though I know that you are serving a greater purpose, I feel entirely incomplete without you.

[shepherdtostars]

[ Alkaid quietly watches for his reactions and listens to the words he uses. He, of course, had mentioned and said something similar in their conversation already. Something she agreed wholesale to. She wonders if that feeling reaches deeper than he is expressing if he has said it twice. A longing, perhaps not a need, to be with her in all ways to feel complete.

Her eyes close briefly as she allows the weight of all that he has said and leaves unsaid to rest upon her. He had mentioned the way the Manor feels without her presence as well. The idea she could bring so much into his life is almost staggering. Truly, she's never felt as if she brings such change outside of being a Warrior of Light. An ear lifts as thunder rumbles once more to remind them of where they are and what awaits them in the morning. ]

If only I could express how deeply sorry I am to you; that this life chosen for me takes me away. I would give all the apologies I could find in every language for causing such a deep ache, Aymeric. Maybe... maybe they would ring hollow and seem shallow after so many of them. Even my attempts to mend that hurt to your heart may seem half-hearted in time.

[ A hand leaves his face to rest on the scar of the familiar stab wound. Gone, for the moment, are her endearing names of affcetion for him. She wishes him to hear the words directed to him by name so there is no room left to doubt. Her fingers gently trace its size and pattern. Another wound she could never properly heal that's been afflicted on him. What a poor healer she must truly be.

Alkaid kisses his lips gently, but pulls away before he can return it. In fact, she not only sits up, but pulls her leg over him so she sits beside him. She sits with her legs tucked at her side. Then, she raises her hands up and out to him. Her black hair settles around her face as she smiles at him. ]

If being with you as a wife would be with her husband helps heal that hurt, and will give you all you seek to feel whole? Then, even more so, I am yours. [ And I have been since the moment we met. ] I am already yours in all other ways but by law and under the eyes of your Goddess. So, please, let me be yours in this manner too, so I might heal your heart.

[ Alkaid shifts slightly to sit beside him with her posture more open to him. Her hands remain outstretched with the smile on her face. Oh, she is most certainly nervous, but she wishes far more to give him a time in which he feels nothing but content, pleasure, happiness, and feeling as if he has all he might need. ]

[thewayforpeace]

[ He presses his hands to his lips as he tries to process his thoughts and sort through the swirling storm of emotions that his words and hers have stirred up in him. She would be correct in her guess that his feelings extend deeper than what he has said, but now he fears that he has placed too much of his inner worries and fears upon her. They are his burdens to carry, and although he welcomes her comfort, he does not wish to drag her down as well.

His eyes slide closed as well and his head lowers slightly as he wrestles with the own hurt he has been keeping inside, and the thought that she does not need to apologize, for she has not wronged him in any way. ]

Lantaa, there is nothing for you to apologize for. If anything, it should be me who is offering you apologies, for I have placed so many of my burdens upon you simply by speaking of them when that was never my intent. I welcome your support and your listening ear, but I do not wish to weigh you down as well.

[ And having said that, he does his best to push aside the hurt he still feels so that he might smile for her benefit. ]

I will gladly wait for you to return, however many times you are called away from Ishgard and from me. At the very least, when you are able to return, your home will be here waiting. [ He is certain that he has expressed similar sentiments before, but he only wishes to reiterate that she will always have a home with him.

As always, when she places her hand on his scar, his shoulders curl inward just a fraction, responding as if the area is still sensitive. In some ways, it is, particularly when the temperatures drastically drop, but a good portion of his responses to being touched there are only in his mind. ]

Please, do not trouble yourself so much because of the duties that both of us hold.

[ His emotions threaten to choke him once more, but he pushes past them once again, even though his voice lowers in tone as emotion rises. ]

That you are here with me at all means more than I can say, and I will not... I cannot turn you away.

[ And having said that, he reaches for her hands, taking them in his and giving them a firm squeeze. Now, his resolve is clear as are his intentions, and he has just one more thing to say: ]

Lie down beside me.

[shepherdtostars]

[ She smiles at him. Oh, but she does need to apologize. She is the one who goes whenever they call. Duty calls, and while she must, it stands obvious now how much her leaving makes him ache. His heart hurts as much as hers. With the hurt so obvious on his face, how can she simply brush the matter aside?

He may gladly wait for her and accept that role, yet that does not change the pain he is in. Pain that perhaps she might be able to give relief to, when so many of his wounds she cannot heal. Some too old to heal, some too deep, and some too new and not healed properly the first time. The least she can do is heal the ones she has inflicted on him.

Her smile grows, yet softens at the same time. He has never turned her away, merely requested she waits on her advances. While there are times she hurts due to it? She has never felt unwanted or unappreciated by him.

Her hands encircle around his. Alkaid lays down as requested, her eyes never once leaving his. Her tail drapes over the edge of the bed once her fingers slip between his. A brief moment of silence passes before she leans forward to press her forehead to his. ]

Even so, I would ask you allow me to help remove the pain of longing we both harbor so very much. In whatever you see fit. [ She presses her nose to the side of his affectionately. ] Have whatever of me you need to feel whole again, Aymeric. Ask of me and I will follow and give all I might be able to.

[thewayforpeace]

[ When she lies down beside him, he smiles, and as soon as he does, he feels some of the hurt and sadness he has felt because he misses her melt away. Even if their time together now is short and she will be called away again soon, just having her with him again is already healing some of the pain he feels. The wounds may open again and he will have to live with them, but he can hold onto the knowledge that she will always do her best to come back.

Rather than answer right away, he completes the action and presses his lips against hers in a deep kiss, pouring all the love he has for her into the gesture. ]

I believe without a doubt that I am yours and will remain yours no matter how many times our duties see us separated from one another. And if I might, I will give you all that I have, because it is yours already.

[ And having said that, he moves his hands so that they are holding onto her forearms, and although his touch is light, he gives a careful tug, as if asking her to position herself in whichever way she pleases and is most comfortable for her. ]