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· CALL ME OUT (AUTUMN) ·

🎃 AUTUMN

it's a highway
highway to the dark
and a neon medusa
has got YOUR HEART

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I will do my utmost to remember the compliment from such an esteemed hero when I am in need of guidance.

[ Despite the words sounding as if they are mere pleasantries? The Crystal Exarch is quite serious with them. Many rough roads lie ahead of him as he attempts to find the right time in which to contact her properly. Many lives and many decisions bar his path, but he shall not be stopped. Not when much rests on the outcome of what he must achieve.

His musings pause as he realizes where her gaze has landed. Ah... of course. He should have known it would have been a curiosity. Who else walks the lands with parts of their body as translucent as crystal? Simply because it is just that. Crystal. ]

You wonder of the state of my hand, I reckon. [ A nod despite his smile turning rather ... old. ] There are many magicks in this realm that require beyond what my body can give. As such, I rely on... something very old and very precious to aid me. Yet, with all things, one must consider the equilibrium and what certain things cost. In exchange for the aether and additional aid required for magicks that are of the most import... that very precious thing takes from me.

Or, in simpler terms, the more I might borrow from it, the more of me it requires. It is a price I am more than willing to pay and decided to pay a very long time ago.

[ She laughs quietly because while he has already told her why it is that he and others admire her so much, it always briefly surprises her to hear such admiration so plainly stated. Truthfully, she considers herself no hero, only someone who does what must be done, because she cannot, in any circumstance, turn a blind eye when someone needs help. ]

I see. [ She listens to him explain what it is that is happening to him and why that is, and while she understands, she cannot keep a frown from forming. ] You are not the first that I have met who has spoken this way. [ Except she has yet to see anyone experiencing such a strange and somewhat disturbing phenomenon. Until now, that is. ]

Is that not the way the world works? There are always exchanges to be made, and some would say sacrifices.

[ Which, from her limited understanding of what is happening to him, this whole affair seems to be a fairly significant sacrifice on his part. ]

Are you not worried about how this all might end? [ Because if his entire hand is crystallized, what else might gradually become so? ]

[ And that is what in itself makes her such a hero. There are those that glory seek and want nothing more than that. However, she and her sister have a depth to them. They want more and want to do more for those around them. A hero is second in their minds while doing the right thing is first. It is... admirable to say the least, and inspiring to say the most. ]

I suppose one might liken it to when one pulls the aether from around them. As opposed to draining the land, I give myself, and the more compensation I need? The more it will take in the inevitable end.

[ Although, he has every intention of ending his own mission before that might happen. ]

Many will take without compensation. I am certain you can see how that has ended simply here in Isghard. [ A crystalized finger raises to the ceiling of the inn to make his point. ] As to the progression... I suppose it is something I came to terms with many years ago. Somethings are greater than oneself.

[ She has never put much thought into the hero people hail her as and the individual that she knows that she is, beneath all the trappings of said hero and the title of Warrior of Light. She just wants to be herself, as much as she can, and as far as she is concerned, that just means helping those who need help and even managing to find a little enjoyment in it all. Nothing about what she and her sister do is an idle lark, but there are moments of levity mixed in with the tragedy, and of course, it is impossible to go through life with only one and not the other. ]

Of course. I have heard of this from others much more knowledgeable than I am, but- I have to say that I do not like it. And yes, I know that it does not matter what I like or dislike.

[ It is the way the world turns, and none of them can prevent that from happening, not even a Warrior of Light.

If she were standing, she would place her hands upon her hips and give him a look that is both disapproving and reluctantly understanding all at once. ]

I understand that some things must be done, and of course, I am often the first to run headlong at a problem or a fight, but- [ Here, her eyebrows draw together and she frowns. ]

I do not intend to throw all of myself into the fight and come out of it with nothing left.

[ Why she is so unsettled by his resolution, she is not sure, but it troubles her nonetheless. There is a part of her that expects him to respond with annoyance because of her tone; it is not her place to take him to task for his decision, and the only one who ultimately has to live with it is him.

Still, she knows that she did not hold back her opinion, and she most likely would not if given another chance to state it. ]

If this offends you, I- Well, I am sorry. [ But she still means what she said and most likely will not take it back, unless he truly does become offended. ]

[ One day he hopes to ask her how and why she started her journey. Very little is said when it comes to how the Warriors of Light became what they were. They simply seemed to be in the right place at the right time; appearing when needed most in defense of the star.

There are always whispers of how one should not meet their heroes. He, however, finds it a blessing and an honor he has managed to meet her as such. She is still relatively young in her days of being the Warrior of Light, but, he can see what makes her who she is has long been set in stone. It brings a warmth to his chest to see that those traits continue heavensward and through the storm of blood...

Her chiding--disapproval even--catches him off guard. Underneath the hood that shrouds his face, his eyes widen. She cannot see the expression on his face save the disappearance of the smile. There is a yearning to tell her everything then. How he has come to be how he is, what he is, who he is.... why he has done what he has. He must quell the feelings he had as a younger man and put all else first. The security of their star is paramount and must come first.

Even if, deep down, he wishes nothing more than the approval of one of his heroes. He seeks their approval and to be told that in the end, every sacrifice, every step was worth it. It is a dream he knows he will not have if all plays out as he has planned it to. What small moments he can receive of their attention or their ire is to be treasured and kept close where none might see it.

The Crystal Exarch's head lowers as the scolding continues. The crystalline hand gently settles once more on the table. Of course... why would she say anything other? So determined, is she, not to lose another... especially now...

The reaction she certainly expects is not one she will ever receive. There is no argument for defending his choices or actions. Merely a quietness that settles between them; an acceptance that they might not see eye-to-eye on this matter. The understanding that she may never approve of his methods or what he has done to himself.

What could be more crushing of a boyhood dream than have one of the very people he admired say in so many words that she is disapproving--perhaps even disappointed?

His hand still made of flesh settles on his chest once she has finished. ]

The people whom have entrusted their lives to my care call me the Crystal Exarch. Those that entrusted their dreams and hopes of a better morrow wish for a world better than that they grew up in. [ His voice is soft, as if he were a young man again, desperately seeking for his peers to understand.

Then, his head raises once more. His eyes meet hers even if she cannot see them through the hood that obscures his identity. They search hers for an approval or understanding he knows she might never give. There is no answer she might give him that he has not already pondered a thousand times over. ]

Naught else remains but their hopes and their dreams. All of them are entrusted to me to make certain that they come true. If it takes all of what I am to see those promises fulfilled, then, my friend, I will do just that. Even if it does not meet your approval or if I fall from your standards.

[ His gaze drops. ] Do not apologize for your opinion. Regardless if it sets my heart alight or causes my very soul to ace... I welcome it with open arms.

[ Little does he know that no sooner than those words had left her mouth, she began to chastise herself for speaking too bluntly. She has been told she does that, and that she should learn to control herself and her tongue, but somehow, she has never fully mastered the art of knowing when to keep silent.

She may not be able to see all of him and thus his expression, but she can tell from the way he is holding himself that she has upset him. ]

Listen, I- Everyone tells me that I need to learn when to be quiet, or at least, to not say everything that comes to mind.

[ Her tail droops just slightly and her ears lie a little flatter against her head. ]

I should not have said anything. [ She thinks back to the lectures she has received because she let her mouth run away from her. ] I misspoke, and I will not do it again.

[ At least, as far as she can help it. ]

Are you and I really so different? [ She gives him another brief appraising look. Of course, she is not becoming increasingly covered by crystal, but his words have her thinking that they are more similar than they are different. ]

You want to help, and that has always been what I have wanted to do.

[ She just wants to survive and live to tell the tale, alongside the ones she has helped or saved. ]

I'm sorry. [ She looks properly abashed, even as she goes on: ] And you have no reason to look for my approval, or to even use me as an example of standards.

[ She laughs a little bit wryly then. ] I might be a Warrior of Light, but I have often been told that I need to be more like my sister. Calmer, and not so quick to rush into things.

[ The Crystal Exarch remains quiet as she speaks. The lack of smile still haunts his features as she continues. How young she is. While the Warriors of Light are human and surely fret, worry, and doubt themselves time to time... it is oh-so-clear to him in this very moment how young she is. If only he could do more, say more, be more to help her in this moment.

He stands then, quietly, without drawing much attention to himself. That is not hard to do as he is technically not even physically present. Regardless, he walks to the side of the table they have sat at. The crystalline hand that must offend her raises and finds a resting place atop her head. She might notice then, for the first time, he holds no physical form, nor one comprised of aether. ]

You can be none other than who you are, my friend. I pray that you do not need the words of those who would insist you are other than yourself. You and your sister are two sides of one like minded coin. Your faults and your strengths balance one another.

[ A pause then. ] A Warrior of Light is none other than the chosen of Hydaelyn Herself. It does not make you, as you are, any different in soul. You might burn brighter and Her Blessing guide and keep you from harm... but it does not change you, K'thisru Pahsh.

As for your judgement on my actions... I will take your words of wisdom to heart.

[ She opens her mouth to say something, to further express an apology for speaking out of turn, but she stops when she notices him stand and move to one side of the table. Her surprise only increases when he places his crystal hand on her head. The gesture itself is surprising, but so is the realization that somehow, his form is different: not solid nor solely made of aether but somewhere in the middle.

Still, his gesture is comforting, and she focuses on that for a moment. Her ears lift just slightly, but her tail remains drooped as she tries to sort through her complicated thoughts while also internalizing his advice. ]

I think... [ She has something she wants to say, but part of her is telling her she has already said enough, so she changes tactics, opting to say instead: ]

And I will do the same with what you have told me. [ She still feels as though she could attempt to be more in line with Alkaid, but there are some things that just can't be repressed. Evidently, her somewhat impulsive nature is one of those, but she can at least recognize solid counsel and do her best to listen to it.

She can at least say this, however. ]

I think that you should do what you have decided is right, because who else is going to know that except for you? [ She has no way of knowing what difficulties he is currently facing, and so she has no right to tell him what he should or should not do with his time, and more importantly, with his own life. ]

[ The raise of her ears brings a smile to his face. He would tilt his hand to give a brush of her hair if he thought it would matter. However, given he is not truly present, there is probably little point to it. Perhaps one day. Then again, when that day they truly meet comes, she may have no need for such gestures. ]

Please, continue your thought. I would not have you shy your opinion away for fear of my reaction. [ His smile remains as a way to encourage her. ] I believe that you will do that and more. So, much, more.

[ The Crystal Exarch hesitates for a moment then--caught between what he ought to and what he would like to do. He settles on the illusion of gently pressing his hand to her head once more. ]

Many will have their opinions on what I have done and what I will do. Even you will, my friend. I hope, when that time comes, you might understand me just a bit more. Though, I hope you do not stop sharing your opinion with me.

[ She supposes that there might be a time when she no longer appreciates gestures like the one Exarch gave her, but there is another part of her that cannot quite imagine why. A pat on the head is meant to be comforting, and as far as she can tell, everyone needs that at one point or another. ]

Did it upset you when I said that? [ She still feels badly about that, because she did what she has always been told not to do: let her mouth run away from her and hurt people in the process.

Then she laughs and shakes her head, mostly because she knows how ridiculous she will sound. ]

I wish that I could understand you now, and not some unknown point in the future.

[ Petulant? Perhaps. That seems to be another one of her shortcomings revealing itself. ]

[ How to put the answer to her query... ]

It was not the words that caused me pause. More so, who they were from. [ Thank the Twelve for his hood, otherwise he might come undone that very moment. ] For years have the sister Warriors of Light inspired me and acted as a beacon when nothing else could. I had simply forgotten how blunt and honest the pair of you are. However, again, I stress that it is not unwelcome.

[ Gods, will it be this difficult to refrain from things once they've properly met? He must steel himself further. They know not the horrors that await them, and he will only be able to so much until the time is right. He hopes that even then his convictions will not fail. It will be easier if she knows not his identity.

Not that he expects her to ever remember him period. ]

For now, know that I lead many who are in dire need of hope and peace. People who have seen how horrifying the world can be. You will be a ray of hope to them - your sister too - even if you do not know it.

[ Then, a tilt of his head. He could have sworn that her hair at one point... ]

Was your hair not longer and... blonde?

[ Perhaps he misremembers and that is the color her sister bore. It was many, many years ago he first saw them. ]

[ Oddly, that doesn't do very much to settle the feeling that she wronged him by speaking her mind. Of course, it isn't up to him to soothe her feelings; she managed to upset him and herself with her bluntness, and despite being told that she ought to bite her tongue, she still forgets that from time to time. ]

Well, I'm still sorry. I would not want to be the one who took that inspiration away.

[ Except it seems as though that's exactly what she's done. Still, there's no taking it back now, and all she can do is just apologize as she's already done.

And she's already made a mental note to keep an eye out for anyone like him as she goes on her various adventures and duties. Of course, she is reasonably certain he has tried to hold some things back, but it is always possible to read between the lines.

His latest response has her narrowing her eyes, not because of anger but more because of worry and concern. Whatever happens in his time, it certainly does not sound good.

But he's posed a question about her hair, and that is one she can answer easily enough. ]

Yes, it was, at one point. I thought that I would attempt something different, and I kept it that way for a little while.

[ Until certain things happened and it felt no longer fitting. ]

Believe me when I say this, K'thisru. Any opinion that you might have will not tarnish the inspiration you and your sister have left me.

[ He finally removes his hand from the top of her head and lets it rest against his side. The staff remains on his back, tucked away unneeded for now. Yet, he can start to feel the strain on his person for the magicks needed to project himself as he has. His crystal hand quivers slightly, but he is keen to hide it. ]

Ah, I see... so you are naturally dark haired like your sister. [ The Crystal Exarch tilts his head back in thought. Hm. One can never truly know ones hero if they have only met them once. ] Regardless, this look suits you more, I think. If I am not too bold to say so.

Edited 2021-12-13 06:15 (UTC)

[ She is about to respond, both to his first statement and to his remarks on her appearance, when she hears the familiar sound of the linkpearl announcing someone is attempting to reach her. ]

I'm sorry, someone is trying to contact me. [ Most likely, it is her sister or one of the Scions, and it would be remiss of her not to answer. ]

She talks with them for a moment, before she turns her attentions back to Exarch. But instead of seeing him, all she sees is the empty space where he was standing. Looking around, it's clear that he is no longer present. Where he went, she cannot say, but evidently, their meeting has now concluded.

With no reason to remain here, she heads off to meet with the Scions, because a new problem has come up, and they require her help again. ]

[ He nods, his hand of flesh motioning for her to continue. ]

Of course, please, do not let me be a hindrance or burden to what must be done.

[ There had been every intent to stay and wait for her conversation to end. It would be, frankly, rude to leave without a parting of words. It would seem that fate had a different design in mind. He was too soon to contact them and therefore had pushed limits more than he ought to have. Time is not an exact science nor is it well known by even those who fore-fronted the idea.

He disappears from her side without any one notice. In reality, he had sunk down to one knee in his room which he looked out from to guide and shelter his people. The crystal room glistens with the light pouring in from the inside. The Exarch himself moves to sit properly, one hand still holding onto the staff to keep him upright.

He must try again once his strength has returned. No matter how many times it takes, he must find the Warriors of Light at the proper time. Only then can they truly know what must happen... what they must do...

The Crystal Exarch's hood slips off his head as he tilts it back. It's relieving in a way to no longer need to hide who he is within the walls of the room. His hand made of crystal flexes at the words that flow in his mind.

'I do not intend to throw all of myself into the fight and come out of it with nothing left..'

He smiles to himself. There is a gentle wisdom in her statement. ]

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· CALL ME OUT (AUTUMN) ·

🎃 AUTUMN

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