[ He doesn’t answer at first, not because he doesn't want to, but because he can't. His breaths come in tight, shallow gasps, and his hands flex into fists, like he wants to punch something. But he can't do that either; the things he's seeing, the things he's remembering... they're bigger than him. They're even bigger than his suits; even if he made the most powerful suit yet, it wouldn't be enough. No one likes being confronted with their own mortality, their own shortfalls, but as far as Tony is concerned, he had that reality shoved in his face, and it woke him up like a person wakes up when a bucket of ice water is thrown on them.
He hears the whisper as she says his name quietly. Of course he knows that voice; of course he knows the sound of her walk, of her moving around. At some point, he memorized it, even though it hasn't been long since they met. Something about that quietness of her voice makes him want to recoil. Not push her away; he'd never do that. But he's never been good at being seen. Sure, he can be seen when he's performing, when he's acting like Tony Stark, genius billionaire playboy philanthropist, or whatever the hell he said once.
When he's not playing that part? Being seen is the last thing he wants. Well, actually, that's not true. He still likes being seen even when he's supposed to be "off".
This... this situation is not that.
You shouldn't see me like this. You shouldn't see me at all. No one should.
Tony doesn't speak out loud because his teeth are clenched too tightly right now to allow for speech. But he can still think, and God, he wishes he couldn't.
I know what this is. This isn't the part they put in the papers, on the headlines. Genius Tony Stark- that's easy. This... this is what makes people leave.
He leans his head back against the cold surface of the work table, eyes shifting to look up at the ceiling. That really doesn't help either, but he wasn't expecting it to.
It takes a second for him to find his voice, and a few more seconds to at least try to make it not sound so strained. ]
no subject
He hears the whisper as she says his name quietly. Of course he knows that voice; of course he knows the sound of her walk, of her moving around. At some point, he memorized it, even though it hasn't been long since they met. Something about that quietness of her voice makes him want to recoil. Not push her away; he'd never do that. But he's never been good at being seen. Sure, he can be seen when he's performing, when he's acting like Tony Stark, genius billionaire playboy philanthropist, or whatever the hell he said once.
When he's not playing that part? Being seen is the last thing he wants. Well, actually, that's not true. He still likes being seen even when he's supposed to be "off".
This... this situation is not that.
You shouldn't see me like this. You shouldn't see me at all. No one should.
Tony doesn't speak out loud because his teeth are clenched too tightly right now to allow for speech. But he can still think, and God, he wishes he couldn't.
I know what this is. This isn't the part they put in the papers, on the headlines. Genius Tony Stark- that's easy. This... this is what makes people leave.
He leans his head back against the cold surface of the work table, eyes shifting to look up at the ceiling. That really doesn't help either, but he wasn't expecting it to.
It takes a second for him to find his voice, and a few more seconds to at least try to make it not sound so strained. ]
Hey, Ariel. Let me guess, I woke you up. Figures.
... Sorry.