skies of rust || ❝ d'you breathe the name of your saviour in your hour of need. ❞

[spicetrance]

SKIES OF RUST

I hope to never fall, where enough is not the same it was before.

Come feed the rain
'Cause without your love my life
Ain't nothing but this carnival of rust CODE BY TESSISAMESS

Comments

[battlemeditation]

[ If not for the fact that Jessica was very much like her second mother, Bastila would eye her with distrust. Out of respect for her being her second mother, if not her mother, she limits that to mere wariness. Still, sometimes that feeling that she cannot trust the other woman rises up despite her best efforts to push it aside. Now is one of those moments.

She may not be privy to everything that Jessica knows, but even Bastila can recognize that all of them are pieces on a chessboard, subject to plans within plans that change at the slightest blow of wind. And when Bastila thinks of it in that way, she could also see that perhaps Jessica is not in control of every plan either. ]

Emotionless? Sometimes. Heartless? Never. If I might say it, I can tell the difference between when you must act a certain way, not letting your emotions through and someone who is heartless, without emotions at all. I know that is not you. [ She feels as though she can say that with confidence, because from what she knows of Jessica, she is anything but heartless. If she were, she would not have made the choices that she has. Paul would not be here, for one. And, of course, Bastila would have to be blind to not see that Jessica loves Leto very much. ]

But you do disapprove of what I might feel for Paul. [ It is not a question but rather a statement. Jessica might attempt to deny it and she might not, but Bastila believes it to be true. There is no room for romantic entanglements, not where Paul is concerned. ] I suppose I should also temper my own feelings, should I not?

[ Perhaps she is incorrect, and perhaps she is reading things into Jessica's words that are not there, but she imagines that is also on Jessica's mind, even if she leaves it unsaid. ]

Plans within plans, yes? [ Bastila shakes her head once. She dislikes the meddling and manipulation of the Bene Gesserit, even as someone who has received some level of training in the Bene Gesserit way. I do not wish to become like one of them, not entirely. If I do, I feel as though I will lose myself- what makes me myself. ]

The Reverend Mother Superior wishes to speak with me? Why? For what purpose?

[ The answer seems to come moments after Bastila's question, but it hardly clears things up for her. ]

Why speak with me if she is here for Paul? Is it necessary for her to test him? [ She can tell from Jessica's reactions and movements that the test waiting for Paul is not going to be an easy one. Jessica's hand shakes, and Bastila's echoes the movement although she is quick to clench her fists to try and hide it. ] Why is this necessary?

[ She knows she is skirting the line of propriety and she should be reprimanded for questioning Jessica in this way, but she finds that she can hardly help herself. ]

[weirdingways]

[ Distrust and weariness come with the association of being a Bene Gesserit. Jessica is used to such accusations. Many within Leto's court still doubt her alliegences even after bearing the heir. They do not know she betrayed her order by producing a son. They will never know. She is forbidden to speak of it outside of the circles the Bene Gesserit deem. If the situation moves to the direction that she hopes? Bastila will soon be apart of that circle. It had been a condition if the Shan House that their daughter receive training of the Bene Gesserit. They had perhaps hoped for a Truthsayer, but, Bastila's natural talents lay elsewhere.

She is merely in control of herself and the fact she bore a son. I swore to myself that I would never regret. ]

I should be touched you are able to tell... and worry that perhaps my own training is not what it once was. [ Jessica offers a smile in slight jest at herself. Raising two teenagers has not been easy. ] What I am to tell you will remain only between us, Bastila. No one may know. Not even Paul.

As you already know, your parents had the desire for you to be trained in the Bene Gesserit way. It is an honor for any house of any standing to have a daughter trained in their ways. A great boost of power and stature as well. [ A deep breath is taken, exhaled. Hands moved to her lap. ] The Mother Superior wishes to speak to you of bringing you into ranks formally. You have passed all tests, Bastila, even the Gom Jabbar when you were of age.

Paul... remains another matter entirely. [ Another exhale. Attempting to calm herself. ] Men rarely receive the training of a Bene Gesserit. She is here to test that training ... and his humanity.

[ Her hands wring. She will know the meaning. She was also tested to see if she was human--the Gom Jabbar. ]

I would tell you to temper your expectations with him. However, I am certain both of you are very aware of your stations, your positions. Duties. The answers you give to the Mother Superior will determine if your family will approve of your appointment to Arrakis with us. [ A thin smile. Politics. ] I would very much imagine your family would benefit of a representative to the House that controls the spice production.

[battlemeditation]

[ Of course, by virtue of the fact that Bastila herself has been trained as a Bene Gesserit, she ought to be subject to the same distrust and wariness, and thus she does not have the right to view Jessica through that lens. Still, there are secrets within secrets and plans behind plans and she finds that even though she does not want to eye Jessica questioningly, she also realizes she cannot entirely help it.

But perhaps it is not simply about questioning Jessica, the Bene Gesserit; perhaps it is that Bastila wonders about her intentions and decisions concerning Paul. Of course, it is hardly Bastila's place to question what Jessica does about her own son.

Still, in a world where everyone has their own secrets built upon secrets, a part of Bastila wishes that such delicate dances were not required to attain one's goals. ]

No one knows the skills of the Bene Gesserit better than you. [ Bastila is quick to reply, because she believes what she says. ] I have never liked keeping secrets from anyone, but I am sure that if this is something Paul is not to know, there is a reason for it.

[ She falls silent then, to allow Jessica to speak uninterrupted. As she continues, a knowing expression takes Bastila's face, and she finds that she does not like the knowledge that she has. She knows exactly what Jessica is talking about and why she does not want her saying anything to Paul before the time is right. ]

I see why you said to not say anything, why you waited until we were alone. But Paul will pass this test, this training. I am sure of it.

[ If there is one thing she is sure of, it is that Paul will pass any test that is put to him. To consider otherwise is unthinkable. ]

Would you rather have me withdraw from him, present a cold exterior? [ She feels herself shaking her head at the suggestion. Such a thing would not be easy for her to do, but if it is an order, what choice does she have? ]

So I should ensure that my answers are satisfactory, then.

[ Politics, indeed. ]

[weirdingways]

Plenty know better than me. [ Jessica corrects her gently. ] Far more have the skills honed better than I. Those are the women who become the Truthsayers and Reverend Mothers. I was designated to be a concubine--and therefore a Sister in rank.

[ Far more may cause me to leave Leto's side. Paul's side. ]

I am forbidden to tell him just as you are. [ A tremble in her voice betraying her emotions. Paul will conquer the test. He must. ] Men are not trained in our ways... and any who have and tried the test have died. There are reasons why he is to be tested, beyond just that fact, but I am not in the position to speak of them. Not unless the Supreme Reverend Mother demands it be shared. Or, unless, you join the ranks of the Sisterhood. Formally.

[ A sharp inhale to attempt once more to calm herself. She had guided and trained Bastila to pass the Gom Jabbar. Paul will most certainly. Fear is not needed nor trepidation. I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. ]

I would rather you conduct yourself a woman of court and help remind Paul that his place is not one of simply following his heart. [ Jessica levels a distinct look at her would be adopted daughter. ] If you were to ask Paul to follow you into the desert? The ocean? He would. You have a power over his heart, Bastila. One that you may not fully realize or utilize. One that I hope you would not need to... but the Sisterhood has the demands of all of us.

Ones we do not always wish to act on.

[battlemeditation]

Plenty others are knowledgeable, but do they truly know more than you? Call it a strange sense of loyalty, but I would maintain that you are the most knowledgeable person that I know. And, well, I am not familiar with the skills of others, but I am rather familiar with yours.

[ Given the time she spent learning from Jessica, after all. And she imagines there is still more she can learn from her, if given the chance. ] If my skills can become even half as honed as yours, I will have learned much indeed.

[ She gives Jessica a considering glance as if trying to determine something about her. ] Sometimes, I think that you know more than a mere Sister would.

Forbidden... [ She can easily imagine what might happen if she even said a word about any of this to Paul, but she finds she does not like the idea of having to keep him in the dark. ] Paul won't die. He can't. [ She says the words confidently, but inside, she fears that the worst will end up happening if Paul does not pass the test. ]

So I suppose that I must also join the Sisterhood. Is that my responsibility and my duty? [ She is unsure if she would embrace that duty or not, but something tells her she may not have a choice. ]

I see. [ She hears Jessica's words and understands them, and she says nothing to voice her displeasure, but she knows the look on her face surely says enough on its own. ]

What if I tell Paul as much and he chooses another path entirely? [ Paul is a good son, but he has his own mind as well. Would he disregard the wishes of his parents and go off on another path different from the one meant for him? Bastila's expression turns thoughtful and just the slightest bit worried. ]

[weirdingways]

A Reverend Mother would. [ Jessica corrects her gently as a teacher not a parent. ] She is open to a wealth of knowledge that we are not. Years of training must be done to prepare one to become a Reverend Mother. Part of why she is here is to assess where you might fit into our ranks. The path that would benefit you, your house, and the Sisterhood.

[ The Sisterhood most of all. ]

You are on your way to doing just as such, Bastila. Do not sell yourself short. [ A glance downwards. ] If only I might convince Paul of the same thing. For a man, he is learning at an exceptional rate on most things. But, I fear that he feels he will always lack in that training, and thus feel as if he has disappointed me.

[ Such a statement could not be farther from the truth. She is so very proud of her son. So much so that the urge to be prideful and gloat to the Supreme Reverend Mother. The fact that she not only trained one potential sister, but a man in their ways as well. It is a complex emotion. She loves her son dearly, and yet, her mind also sees it within the scope of her Bene Gesserit conditioning. ]

He won't die. It will still be dangerous. Perilous.

[ Her eyebrows raise. ] That is what the interview with our Supreme Reverend Mother will determine. [ She slides a cup full of water over towards Bastila. ] We both know that Paul would not chose a path without you if you were to present him with the option of your feelings. He is Leto's son. He will find a way to keep you with him if you share what you consider closest to your heart. Such things can't be made known... at least now. Not before things are to be considered.

[battlemeditation]

Of course. Of course I am aware that a Reverend Mother possesses greater knowledge than you or I have, but- call it a childish thought. If someone were to ask me who is the most knowledgeable person that I know, I would say that it is you, without a second's thought. Perhaps you do not posssess that great wealth of knowledge, but in our world... in our circles here, you are that person.

[ She does not bother to conceal the admiration she has for Jessica as she speaks. ]

Where do you think that I will fit? [ Did I do enough? Did I train enough to even earn a place in the ranks?

Suddenly, Bastila finds herself worrying about where she will end up, and what her fate will be if she does not measure up. ]

I appreciate your confidence, but I do not wish to disappoint you, not after everything you have done, after the time you have put into my instruction. [ In that way, I know how Paul must feel. ]

You sound confident that he will survive. [ Confident, but she must be worried too. I know I am worried. ]

How soon will these meetings occur? [ Bastila would rather have them over and done with than sit around waiting and dreading what might be said and done during them. It is easy for her to imagine that Paul would feel the same way if he knew what was waiting for him: what tests he must go through. ]

[weirdingways]

I am truly happy you think of me in such praise. [ Jessica allows the smile to show on her face. ] The Supreme Reverend Mother may not think in such a way... but at least one of mu students sees me in a positive light. She was my teacher when I was at the Bene Gesserit school on Wallach IX.

[ As well as giving birth to Paul. ]

Leto's inner circle respects us, but they will most certainly always question our motives as being trained in the ways of the Sisterhood. The other schools always suspect our motives and beliefs we attempt to guide the Imperium into a better light. [ A shake of her head. ] Still, we press on. Who else would guide humanity if not us?

You have not disappointed me, Bastila. Far from it. You are like the daughter I never had. You will fit in where the Sisterhood best believes it. Which, frankly, could still be within the House Atreides court.

I am... confident. Yet, fear still clings to me. We cannot let fear dictate what we do. Fear is the mind-killer. We must allow it to pass through us and so that only we remain. Otherwise? We are no different than animals. Something not even human.

[ Jessica stands then. ] Once the Herald of the Change departs? Your meeting will happen. Paul's... will be at night where no prying eyes might see.

So, it is best if we both prepare ourselves and dress as Leto has requested. They will be calling for our presence shortly. I've had the house staff prepared your full gown already. It should be in your room.

[battlemeditation]

I think that you do not receive praise often enough. You are appreciated, yes, but how often are you told that you are appreciated? [ Bastila chooses her words carefully, knowing that she does not have to worry about being perceived as grasping or false, not when Jessica can decipher her tells through watching her expressions and her movements, but still, she does not wish to speak thoughtlessly. ] If it means anything at all, I appreciate you, and the Supreme Reverend Mother may be who she is, but I do not like how she speaks to you.

[ There, Bastila pauses and catches her breath lest she become too heated and speak out of turn. ]

I suppose that is how most teachers speak to their students, but you are more than just her student now. [ She realizes that she is treading the line between propriety and disrespect, and she braces herself for some form of chastisement. ]

I hope to never disappoint you; that would be a fine way of repaying you for taking me in as you have, and for treating me as your own daughter. [ She wonders what it would have been like if she had been Jessica's blood daughter. She would have been married off by now, she imagines. Still, there is nothing saying she will not still be married off to someone, and that thought makes her wrinkle her nose in protest. ]

I wish that I could see into the future just long enough to see what will happen to Paul and to me. What will happen during this meeting? [ She gets the feeling that whatever is said during this meeting may very well decide their fates, at least to a degree. Not that her fate is of particular consequence; Paul, it seems, has a greater destiny before him.

Not for the first time, Bastila allows herself a moment of petulance and wishing that she and Paul could simply run away. Of course, that is impossible. They would be found and brought back, and that would surely bring disgrace to the Atreides name.

In the interest of attempting to bring some levity to them both, Bastila actually wrinkles her nose this time, exaggerating the expression, and pretending to be put out at the idea of having to wear a dress. ]

Full gown? I hope that I do not trip on the hem when walking in. Dresses and I do not go well together one bit.

[ Truthfully, she would rather not wear a dress, but she can tolerate it if the situation calls for it. And most situations do, in fact, call for it. Still, she can act the part of someone who despises dresses with a passion. ]

[weirdingways]

[ Jessica does not answer the question with words. Instead a tight smile is given. Leto, of course, says such things. Paul and Bastila say such things in their own ways. The rest of House Atreides remains ever uncertain of her. A fair judgement as the Bene Gesserit say one thing and yet act another in closed doors. She, however, is faithful to her Duke. Her son. The woman before her that she thinks of as a daughter. ]

I will always be a student, as you will be. There will always be something to learn and something to achieve. Something to master. [ Her red eyebrows raise as if to make the point that such a conversation should not be held in the presence of the Supreme Reverend Mother. ] As for the future? Prescience is something that many are known to have. Even Reverend Mothers have it to a limited extent. I would imagine that you would know the basics of where your path for the future will lay after speaking with the Supreme Reverend Mother.

Paul... will eventually lead House Atreides and succeed his father. That much we all know.

[ She affords a smile and stands. ] Please, Bastila. You have more grace than many in the Landsraad. Now, go, get ready. I will see you at the ceremony.

[ She gestures for the woman to leave and folds her hands together.

They shake. ]