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synthneon2025-02-23 09:21 pm
spicetrance) wrote in synthneon2025-02-23 09:21 pm
Entry tags:
skies of rust || ❝ d'you breathe the name of your saviour in your hour of need. ❞
'Cause without your love my life
Ain't nothing but this carnival of rust
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And now more than ever, Bastila wants to find a moment to sneak away with Paul so it can be just the two of them talking over these recent developments and trying to lay their own plans, even if nothing ever comes of them. ]
Of course. [ She still thinks of her family as her family, but the members of House Atreides are like her family as well. Perhaps they might even be more than "like family". ] If they refuse, where will I go?
[ She knows the answer but she wants to hear it out loud, at least once more. ]
I wonder why all of this is happening now. I know it must not be sudden, as the plans must have been discussed, but it feels like it is sudden.
[ She pauses long enough to take a bite of the breakfast portioned out for her, and as she does so, she steals a glance in Paul's direction, wishing she could reach for his hand. ]
Arrakis is a nice-sounding name, even if the place itself is quite different.
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[ Paul remains quiet. His attention is on the conversation, however, it would appear he has disengaged to a person who hasn't been trained to read another. He weighs the conversation. Bastila's path remains undecided due to the Shan Family, the new feifdom, and perhaps even the Sisterhood. His hand remains on the spoon as brown eyes trained on the food in front of him.
The gentle sea breeze passes over the windows of the room.
He stares intently at breakfast before him. Soon, the sound of the sea will be a memory. The gentle breeze off the waves. The feeling of waves against his ankles. Water and storms he will be leaving behind with Bastila, should she be unable to come to Arrakis with them.
Storms brought us together when we were little.
It's almost poetic.
Jessica takes quick note of her son before turning her attention back to the young woman who has been like a daughter to her and her beloved duke. ] "It's a harsh desert world that bears two moons. Water is scarce to open world. Large sandworms roam the desert, but, I am assured the shield wall protects the main polar city of Arrakeen. That is where House Atreides will rule the planet from."
[ Paul leans back away from his food. ]
"The venture will increase the wealth of our house in CHOAM... and now doubt make more enemies than allies. Should you remain here, Bastila, you will want to steel yourself with the knowledge and training given to you. No doubt you will be a target as you have lived with us there years."
A threat no matter where we go.
[ Jessica turns her attention to her son once more. ] "It is bound to happen with the popularity of your father in the Landsraad."
Hmm.
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[ She goes quiet then, pondering over the impending decision and what this means for them as a family. If they can continue to be a family, that is; of course she knows that she won't cease to be a ward of their house if she has to remain behind, but the separation will be hard to overlook. ]
I know that you said spice is valuable, and it is a good move for us, but- [ The way Jessica describes Arrakis makes it sound dangerous, perhaps even threatening. It is certainly not the comfortable environment of Caladan. ]
"Should I remain here"... I do not want to remain here. If there is danger involved, if there will be enemies, I should be there with you. Not because I think that I make any difference at all, but I do not wish to be separated.
[ She would not wish to be on another planet in relative safety while the rest of the family deals with threats and danger. If something happened to them- if the worst happened to them and she was not there, guilt is the very least of the things she would feel. ]
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Politics. [ Paul mutters out loud, tone flat and also somehow layered with an annoyance. ] Isn't that the reason why we're moving to Arrakis to begin with? Politics.
"Yes. The Emperor commands it and House Atreides must answer, or lose power within the Landsraad. What this House owns in CHOAM."
[ Paul shares a quick glance at Jessica before looking once more at Bastila. He does not move nor speak, but she should be able to read the expression on his face: This sounds like a trap.
Jessica catches the unsaid expression and sighs. ] "There is little any can change of the situation. That is why we focus on what we can change. Full dress, for one. Then, final meetings with teachers before we must finish packing."
[ Paul once more looks down to his breakfast. Hands fold together in front of him. The feeling of time slipping through is hands takes him again. The need to act before the moment is lost like the foam taken out by the high tide. Lips press together in thought. Should he? Does a point to it exist? In his mind, Bastila has chosen a path set forward by an example. One that could give true benefits and station to a woman of her situation.
Things he could not promise by needing to keep his hand open to marriage, as his mother and father consistently point out to him. ]
Basi...
[ Jessica clears her throat. ] "Paul. Best to start getting ready. In case your father needs you before the ceremony."
[ Paul once more gives a pointed look to his mother. The stare lingers. Then, he stands. His hands push from the table and he leaves the room quickly. The door behind him slams. Jessica swallows before letting out a tight breath. Her attention turns fully to Bastila. ]
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[ Alliances, connections, marriages for political reasons... That seems to be the way of life among houses like House Atreides. It must be even worse the higher up in rank people go. ] I don't like it, but it doesn't matter what I like. It doesn't matter what any of us like.
[ Bastila is rarely petulant, and only the barest hint of that sounds in her voice, but she really does not like the direction things are taking.
Paul thinks that this may be a trap, and she would have to agree with him, but as far as she can tell, they have no choice but to keep walking forward. House Atreides can't afford to lose power any more than it can afford to lose what it has in CHOAM. Bastila knows this, and she knows Paul does too, but that does not mean that they have to like it.
She really would roll her eyes at the notion that the things they can change include what they wear, if not for the fact that it would be poor manners. To her, such a thing is not all that significant, but then again, it all comes down to keeping up appearances. And, of course, she can hardly defy Jessica so blatantly. She would not, because she does respect her, and she listens to her when she gives directions.
Sometimes the directions lean more towards orders, and still Bastila chooses to listen rather than be defiant. She keeps the defiance inside, only letting it out when she feels as though she is not being observed or examined.
Perhaps later, when there is time- if there is time, some of her defiance concerning this situation will work itself out. She hears Paul say her name and she turns to look at him, but Jessica intervenes first, sending Paul on his way and causing Bastila to feel as though that separation between them has just grown a little bit wider.
Is that what Jessica wants? Bastila wonders to herself even as Paul leaves the table and his footsteps fade into the distance as he goes to do as he was told. Once she can no longer hear him, she looks back at Jessica finally, waiting for her to give her orders. ]
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There were... other orders as well.
Orders she was never given great detail. Such is the way of the Bene Gesserit Sisterhood. One is not always given insight into why they are told to do such things. Obedience is expected. Sisterhood above all. Except, she had broken that vow for her beloved duke. She bore a son and not a daughter. A son that could potentially be far more than he might be at this moment. A fact she cannot share with the ward of the family. Not until oaths are taken.
Jessica lets out a breath once Paul has left. Her hands settle on the table. Her head cants to the side as she meets Bastila's gaze evenly. ]
You must think me emotionless or heartless, Bastila. Perhaps even blind to what is surely in front of me. [ A faint shake of her head. ] I am aware you care for Paul. Deeply. Perhaps even deeper than you realize. I am also aware that he is my son. Leto's son. His heart will dictate much of what he wishes to do... and he must learn to put a cooler mind before that heart.
[ The corners of her mouth turn into a strained smile. ] However, the dismissal was not because of that. We must discuss things that he cannot hear. Things I have been forbidden to tell him. [ Uncomfortableness settles on her. Her training attempts to reign in the emotion. ] The Emperor's Truthsayer is the Reverend Mother Superior. The leader of the Sisterhood. She is not only here to oversee the Herald of the Change. She is here to speak with you.
[ A deep breath in order to still the fear that is suddenly so quite obvious. A shake of her hands. Jessica pulls them back to press them into her lap. She had lived through this test. Bastila had lived through it. Surely, her son can as well. He will. he must. ]
She is here to test Paul.
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She may not be privy to everything that Jessica knows, but even Bastila can recognize that all of them are pieces on a chessboard, subject to plans within plans that change at the slightest blow of wind. And when Bastila thinks of it in that way, she could also see that perhaps Jessica is not in control of every plan either. ]
Emotionless? Sometimes. Heartless? Never. If I might say it, I can tell the difference between when you must act a certain way, not letting your emotions through and someone who is heartless, without emotions at all. I know that is not you. [ She feels as though she can say that with confidence, because from what she knows of Jessica, she is anything but heartless. If she were, she would not have made the choices that she has. Paul would not be here, for one. And, of course, Bastila would have to be blind to not see that Jessica loves Leto very much. ]
But you do disapprove of what I might feel for Paul. [ It is not a question but rather a statement. Jessica might attempt to deny it and she might not, but Bastila believes it to be true. There is no room for romantic entanglements, not where Paul is concerned. ] I suppose I should also temper my own feelings, should I not?
[ Perhaps she is incorrect, and perhaps she is reading things into Jessica's words that are not there, but she imagines that is also on Jessica's mind, even if she leaves it unsaid. ]
Plans within plans, yes? [ Bastila shakes her head once. She dislikes the meddling and manipulation of the Bene Gesserit, even as someone who has received some level of training in the Bene Gesserit way. I do not wish to become like one of them, not entirely. If I do, I feel as though I will lose myself- what makes me myself. ]
The Reverend Mother Superior wishes to speak with me? Why? For what purpose?
[ The answer seems to come moments after Bastila's question, but it hardly clears things up for her. ]
Why speak with me if she is here for Paul? Is it necessary for her to test him? [ She can tell from Jessica's reactions and movements that the test waiting for Paul is not going to be an easy one. Jessica's hand shakes, and Bastila's echoes the movement although she is quick to clench her fists to try and hide it. ] Why is this necessary?
[ She knows she is skirting the line of propriety and she should be reprimanded for questioning Jessica in this way, but she finds that she can hardly help herself. ]
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She is merely in control of herself and the fact she bore a son. I swore to myself that I would never regret. ]
I should be touched you are able to tell... and worry that perhaps my own training is not what it once was. [ Jessica offers a smile in slight jest at herself. Raising two teenagers has not been easy. ] What I am to tell you will remain only between us, Bastila. No one may know. Not even Paul.
As you already know, your parents had the desire for you to be trained in the Bene Gesserit way. It is an honor for any house of any standing to have a daughter trained in their ways. A great boost of power and stature as well. [ A deep breath is taken, exhaled. Hands moved to her lap. ] The Mother Superior wishes to speak to you of bringing you into ranks formally. You have passed all tests, Bastila, even the Gom Jabbar when you were of age.
Paul... remains another matter entirely. [ Another exhale. Attempting to calm herself. ] Men rarely receive the training of a Bene Gesserit. She is here to test that training ... and his humanity.
[ Her hands wring. She will know the meaning. She was also tested to see if she was human--the Gom Jabbar. ]
I would tell you to temper your expectations with him. However, I am certain both of you are very aware of your stations, your positions. Duties. The answers you give to the Mother Superior will determine if your family will approve of your appointment to Arrakis with us. [ A thin smile. Politics. ] I would very much imagine your family would benefit of a representative to the House that controls the spice production.
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But perhaps it is not simply about questioning Jessica, the Bene Gesserit; perhaps it is that Bastila wonders about her intentions and decisions concerning Paul. Of course, it is hardly Bastila's place to question what Jessica does about her own son.
Still, in a world where everyone has their own secrets built upon secrets, a part of Bastila wishes that such delicate dances were not required to attain one's goals. ]
No one knows the skills of the Bene Gesserit better than you. [ Bastila is quick to reply, because she believes what she says. ] I have never liked keeping secrets from anyone, but I am sure that if this is something Paul is not to know, there is a reason for it.
[ She falls silent then, to allow Jessica to speak uninterrupted. As she continues, a knowing expression takes Bastila's face, and she finds that she does not like the knowledge that she has. She knows exactly what Jessica is talking about and why she does not want her saying anything to Paul before the time is right. ]
I see why you said to not say anything, why you waited until we were alone. But Paul will pass this test, this training. I am sure of it.
[ If there is one thing she is sure of, it is that Paul will pass any test that is put to him. To consider otherwise is unthinkable. ]
Would you rather have me withdraw from him, present a cold exterior? [ She feels herself shaking her head at the suggestion. Such a thing would not be easy for her to do, but if it is an order, what choice does she have? ]
So I should ensure that my answers are satisfactory, then.
[ Politics, indeed. ]
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[ Far more may cause me to leave Leto's side. Paul's side. ]
I am forbidden to tell him just as you are. [ A tremble in her voice betraying her emotions. Paul will conquer the test. He must. ] Men are not trained in our ways... and any who have and tried the test have died. There are reasons why he is to be tested, beyond just that fact, but I am not in the position to speak of them. Not unless the Supreme Reverend Mother demands it be shared. Or, unless, you join the ranks of the Sisterhood. Formally.
[ A sharp inhale to attempt once more to calm herself. She had guided and trained Bastila to pass the Gom Jabbar. Paul will most certainly. Fear is not needed nor trepidation. I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. ]
I would rather you conduct yourself a woman of court and help remind Paul that his place is not one of simply following his heart. [ Jessica levels a distinct look at her would be adopted daughter. ] If you were to ask Paul to follow you into the desert? The ocean? He would. You have a power over his heart, Bastila. One that you may not fully realize or utilize. One that I hope you would not need to... but the Sisterhood has the demands of all of us.
Ones we do not always wish to act on.
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[ Given the time she spent learning from Jessica, after all. And she imagines there is still more she can learn from her, if given the chance. ] If my skills can become even half as honed as yours, I will have learned much indeed.
[ She gives Jessica a considering glance as if trying to determine something about her. ] Sometimes, I think that you know more than a mere Sister would.
Forbidden... [ She can easily imagine what might happen if she even said a word about any of this to Paul, but she finds she does not like the idea of having to keep him in the dark. ] Paul won't die. He can't. [ She says the words confidently, but inside, she fears that the worst will end up happening if Paul does not pass the test. ]
So I suppose that I must also join the Sisterhood. Is that my responsibility and my duty? [ She is unsure if she would embrace that duty or not, but something tells her she may not have a choice. ]
I see. [ She hears Jessica's words and understands them, and she says nothing to voice her displeasure, but she knows the look on her face surely says enough on its own. ]
What if I tell Paul as much and he chooses another path entirely? [ Paul is a good son, but he has his own mind as well. Would he disregard the wishes of his parents and go off on another path different from the one meant for him? Bastila's expression turns thoughtful and just the slightest bit worried. ]
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[ The Sisterhood most of all. ]
You are on your way to doing just as such, Bastila. Do not sell yourself short. [ A glance downwards. ] If only I might convince Paul of the same thing. For a man, he is learning at an exceptional rate on most things. But, I fear that he feels he will always lack in that training, and thus feel as if he has disappointed me.
[ Such a statement could not be farther from the truth. She is so very proud of her son. So much so that the urge to be prideful and gloat to the Supreme Reverend Mother. The fact that she not only trained one potential sister, but a man in their ways as well. It is a complex emotion. She loves her son dearly, and yet, her mind also sees it within the scope of her Bene Gesserit conditioning. ]
He won't die. It will still be dangerous. Perilous.
[ Her eyebrows raise. ] That is what the interview with our Supreme Reverend Mother will determine. [ She slides a cup full of water over towards Bastila. ] We both know that Paul would not chose a path without you if you were to present him with the option of your feelings. He is Leto's son. He will find a way to keep you with him if you share what you consider closest to your heart. Such things can't be made known... at least now. Not before things are to be considered.
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[ She does not bother to conceal the admiration she has for Jessica as she speaks. ]
Where do you think that I will fit? [ Did I do enough? Did I train enough to even earn a place in the ranks?
Suddenly, Bastila finds herself worrying about where she will end up, and what her fate will be if she does not measure up. ]
I appreciate your confidence, but I do not wish to disappoint you, not after everything you have done, after the time you have put into my instruction. [ In that way, I know how Paul must feel. ]
You sound confident that he will survive. [ Confident, but she must be worried too. I know I am worried. ]
How soon will these meetings occur? [ Bastila would rather have them over and done with than sit around waiting and dreading what might be said and done during them. It is easy for her to imagine that Paul would feel the same way if he knew what was waiting for him: what tests he must go through. ]
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[ As well as giving birth to Paul. ]
Leto's inner circle respects us, but they will most certainly always question our motives as being trained in the ways of the Sisterhood. The other schools always suspect our motives and beliefs we attempt to guide the Imperium into a better light. [ A shake of her head. ] Still, we press on. Who else would guide humanity if not us?
You have not disappointed me, Bastila. Far from it. You are like the daughter I never had. You will fit in where the Sisterhood best believes it. Which, frankly, could still be within the House Atreides court.
I am... confident. Yet, fear still clings to me. We cannot let fear dictate what we do. Fear is the mind-killer. We must allow it to pass through us and so that only we remain. Otherwise? We are no different than animals. Something not even human.
[ Jessica stands then. ] Once the Herald of the Change departs? Your meeting will happen. Paul's... will be at night where no prying eyes might see.
So, it is best if we both prepare ourselves and dress as Leto has requested. They will be calling for our presence shortly. I've had the house staff prepared your full gown already. It should be in your room.
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[ There, Bastila pauses and catches her breath lest she become too heated and speak out of turn. ]
I suppose that is how most teachers speak to their students, but you are more than just her student now. [ She realizes that she is treading the line between propriety and disrespect, and she braces herself for some form of chastisement. ]
I hope to never disappoint you; that would be a fine way of repaying you for taking me in as you have, and for treating me as your own daughter. [ She wonders what it would have been like if she had been Jessica's blood daughter. She would have been married off by now, she imagines. Still, there is nothing saying she will not still be married off to someone, and that thought makes her wrinkle her nose in protest. ]
I wish that I could see into the future just long enough to see what will happen to Paul and to me. What will happen during this meeting? [ She gets the feeling that whatever is said during this meeting may very well decide their fates, at least to a degree. Not that her fate is of particular consequence; Paul, it seems, has a greater destiny before him.
Not for the first time, Bastila allows herself a moment of petulance and wishing that she and Paul could simply run away. Of course, that is impossible. They would be found and brought back, and that would surely bring disgrace to the Atreides name.
In the interest of attempting to bring some levity to them both, Bastila actually wrinkles her nose this time, exaggerating the expression, and pretending to be put out at the idea of having to wear a dress. ]
Full gown? I hope that I do not trip on the hem when walking in. Dresses and I do not go well together one bit.
[ Truthfully, she would rather not wear a dress, but she can tolerate it if the situation calls for it. And most situations do, in fact, call for it. Still, she can act the part of someone who despises dresses with a passion. ]
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I will always be a student, as you will be. There will always be something to learn and something to achieve. Something to master. [ Her red eyebrows raise as if to make the point that such a conversation should not be held in the presence of the Supreme Reverend Mother. ] As for the future? Prescience is something that many are known to have. Even Reverend Mothers have it to a limited extent. I would imagine that you would know the basics of where your path for the future will lay after speaking with the Supreme Reverend Mother.
Paul... will eventually lead House Atreides and succeed his father. That much we all know.
[ She affords a smile and stands. ] Please, Bastila. You have more grace than many in the Landsraad. Now, go, get ready. I will see you at the ceremony.
[ She gestures for the woman to leave and folds her hands together.
They shake. ]