[ She watches him quietly as he very visibly turns her words over in her mind. Well, perhaps it is not truly visible; she only sees it that way because of how well she believes she knows Paul. She knows his expressions and how he looks when he's thinking something over, just as he is now. It is easy enough for her to see that Paul is thinking more than one thing over; several trains of thought must be going through his mind, and so she resolves to simply wait until he's navigated each one and reached a conclusion, or at least the beginnings of one. ]
A show of strength? A duel, or... Well, I imagine I would not be tasked with riding a sandworm, but I suppose that anything is possible. I do not wish to become a Fremen leader, of course, unless you decided that was necessary.
Only a fool would not respect the Fremen's ways or the ways of the desert. [ Maybe it's arrogant of her to think so, but she does not think of herself as arrogant. The last thing she intends is to come in acting like she knows better than the Fremen do; she readily admits that she does not, and the last thing she intends is to provoke anyone. ]
Your mother always has had plans, and plans for her plans. What do you think about your sister? [ She finds it difficult to wrap her mind around the notion that Paul and his sister are seeing each other in dreams and finding a way to speak to each other, but at the same time, Paul is no ordinary person. ] Do you dislike her because of what she is telling you, because you do not agree with it?
[ A part of Bastila would say that she believes she knows what Paul needs: he needs to simply stop for a moment. Stop thinking, stop worrying... He needs to simply stop and lie there and let himself be held by someone he cares about. If he cares about her. Maybe he does not care about her anymore, at least not in that way.
Still, Bastila does not believe that to be the case; she may not be skilled at reading another's mind, but she can observe and draw conclusions, and her conclusion is that Paul does care. If not, she would not be where she is now, nor would he be speaking to her like this. Her breath catches in her throat when he speaks again, and his tone of voice and the words he uses only adds to her state of breathlessness. ]
You- [ She has to pause to clear her throat before she can continue. ] You really intended to do that? Not only the walk, but what you intended... [ And as luck or misfortune would have it, that talk never happened. What would have happened if it had? How would things have been different? Would they have been different at all? ]
Paul, I... [ She finds she needs a moment to properly explain herself. ] I did not start out wanting the training from the Bene Gesserit. [ She had ambition and the desire to prove herself, but she did not have lofty aspirations such as becoming a Truthsayer or a Reverend Mother or anyone of great importance. The lessons she was learning challenged her thinking and appealed to her interest in learning, but that was as far as it went. ]
Did you know that once I started learning from your mother, she... [ Here, Bastila pauses, wondering if she should continue to finish that sentence. The last thing she wishes is to disrespect Jessica, which might offend Paul. ] Never mind, it does not matter.
But you would have asked me that? Me, who would have no standing at all if not for your family and your house. Surely you could choose any woman you wished to have, any woman that you laid eyes on. [ Her fingers curl slightly against Paul's hands as she stares at him, as if she is finding it difficult to believe what he is saying. She wants to believe it, because she has hoped for something like this, but she decided that it was impossible. Paul would marry a princess, or a lady of actual significant rank, and she would simply have to watch from the sidelines and be content with whichever way events occurred. ]
... You wish to court me? [ She finds she can't bring herself to ask for confirmation if he really does wish to love her; she believes she has already received her answer, so the need for confirmation is unnecessary, but she never imagined that she would hear these words from Paul.
If he is looking, he may notice water threatening to gather in the corners of her eyes, but she refuses to let it leave them either. Why she feels she has to save face in front of him, even she does not know, but it feels like something important that she must do. Or try to do. ]
Why would I ever say no to you asking me that? I never imagined that you would ask me that. Surely you would ask someone else, someone more important, but not me.
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A show of strength? A duel, or... Well, I imagine I would not be tasked with riding a sandworm, but I suppose that anything is possible. I do not wish to become a Fremen leader, of course, unless you decided that was necessary.
Only a fool would not respect the Fremen's ways or the ways of the desert. [ Maybe it's arrogant of her to think so, but she does not think of herself as arrogant. The last thing she intends is to come in acting like she knows better than the Fremen do; she readily admits that she does not, and the last thing she intends is to provoke anyone. ]
Your mother always has had plans, and plans for her plans. What do you think about your sister? [ She finds it difficult to wrap her mind around the notion that Paul and his sister are seeing each other in dreams and finding a way to speak to each other, but at the same time, Paul is no ordinary person. ] Do you dislike her because of what she is telling you, because you do not agree with it?
[ A part of Bastila would say that she believes she knows what Paul needs: he needs to simply stop for a moment. Stop thinking, stop worrying... He needs to simply stop and lie there and let himself be held by someone he cares about. If he cares about her. Maybe he does not care about her anymore, at least not in that way.
Still, Bastila does not believe that to be the case; she may not be skilled at reading another's mind, but she can observe and draw conclusions, and her conclusion is that Paul does care. If not, she would not be where she is now, nor would he be speaking to her like this. Her breath catches in her throat when he speaks again, and his tone of voice and the words he uses only adds to her state of breathlessness. ]
You- [ She has to pause to clear her throat before she can continue. ] You really intended to do that? Not only the walk, but what you intended... [ And as luck or misfortune would have it, that talk never happened. What would have happened if it had? How would things have been different? Would they have been different at all? ]
Paul, I... [ She finds she needs a moment to properly explain herself. ] I did not start out wanting the training from the Bene Gesserit. [ She had ambition and the desire to prove herself, but she did not have lofty aspirations such as becoming a Truthsayer or a Reverend Mother or anyone of great importance. The lessons she was learning challenged her thinking and appealed to her interest in learning, but that was as far as it went. ]
Did you know that once I started learning from your mother, she... [ Here, Bastila pauses, wondering if she should continue to finish that sentence. The last thing she wishes is to disrespect Jessica, which might offend Paul. ] Never mind, it does not matter.
But you would have asked me that? Me, who would have no standing at all if not for your family and your house. Surely you could choose any woman you wished to have, any woman that you laid eyes on. [ Her fingers curl slightly against Paul's hands as she stares at him, as if she is finding it difficult to believe what he is saying. She wants to believe it, because she has hoped for something like this, but she decided that it was impossible. Paul would marry a princess, or a lady of actual significant rank, and she would simply have to watch from the sidelines and be content with whichever way events occurred. ]
... You wish to court me? [ She finds she can't bring herself to ask for confirmation if he really does wish to love her; she believes she has already received her answer, so the need for confirmation is unnecessary, but she never imagined that she would hear these words from Paul.
If he is looking, he may notice water threatening to gather in the corners of her eyes, but she refuses to let it leave them either. Why she feels she has to save face in front of him, even she does not know, but it feels like something important that she must do. Or try to do. ]
Why would I ever say no to you asking me that? I never imagined that you would ask me that. Surely you would ask someone else, someone more important, but not me.