[ For Alan, there's been a certain wariness when it comes to trying to recall the loops, even the smallest details from them. He's felt brushes of apprehension bordering on horror when he tries to recall things that happened in the loops, and he's not quite sure why. What he is sure of is that some terrible things happened and maybe it's best for both of them to not try and remember.
That sinking feeling combined with a feeling of a cold sweat speaks volumes. It tells him that maybe he shouldn't dive too deeply into the chaos of his own memories. Who knows what he'll remember and how it will make them feel?
What he does want to remember is them. The times that they got to be together and be themselves, without the story pushing and pulling at them. He knows they had those times; sometimes, those times became rather intimate. At least, that's what he thinks the stirring feeling means.
It's a delicate dance, trying to recover old memories while avoiding the terrifying ones.
He smiles when he feels her head rest against his arm, hands clamping around his own. This feels right. He feels complete. He hopes she feels that too. ]
Where to go next... [ He quiets for a few seconds as he tries to think. ]
Shopping? Browsing? People still do that, right? [ He's not sure if he can do it, but as her thoughts have said, they won't know until they try. ] Do you have somewhere you like to go?
[ Maybe once, years ago now, he knew the layout of the streets like the back of his own hand, but to Alan, the streets look foreign to him now. Sometimes an image flares to life of a darker New York; not just dark, but completely covered in darkness with the only light being from a dim street lamp.
When those images come, he has to shake his head and try to dislodge them from his mind. It's not like that here, not even when night falls. But then again, he doesn't even like looking out at the street once the sun has gone down, so maybe he doesn't really know what it's like out there, not anymore.
At least in daytime, with Jesse's help, maybe he can familiarize himself with the city again. ]
no subject
That sinking feeling combined with a feeling of a cold sweat speaks volumes. It tells him that maybe he shouldn't dive too deeply into the chaos of his own memories. Who knows what he'll remember and how it will make them feel?
What he does want to remember is them. The times that they got to be together and be themselves, without the story pushing and pulling at them. He knows they had those times; sometimes, those times became rather intimate. At least, that's what he thinks the stirring feeling means.
It's a delicate dance, trying to recover old memories while avoiding the terrifying ones.
He smiles when he feels her head rest against his arm, hands clamping around his own. This feels right. He feels complete. He hopes she feels that too. ]
Where to go next... [ He quiets for a few seconds as he tries to think. ]
Shopping? Browsing? People still do that, right? [ He's not sure if he can do it, but as her thoughts have said, they won't know until they try. ] Do you have somewhere you like to go?
[ Maybe once, years ago now, he knew the layout of the streets like the back of his own hand, but to Alan, the streets look foreign to him now. Sometimes an image flares to life of a darker New York; not just dark, but completely covered in darkness with the only light being from a dim street lamp.
When those images come, he has to shake his head and try to dislodge them from his mind. It's not like that here, not even when night falls. But then again, he doesn't even like looking out at the street once the sun has gone down, so maybe he doesn't really know what it's like out there, not anymore.
At least in daytime, with Jesse's help, maybe he can familiarize himself with the city again. ]