[ The strange thing about this is that even when Alan's losing himself in thoughts and in the terrifying memories he still carries with him, he can still manage to read what might be going on in Jesse's own thoughts. He's not a mind-reader, but he's learned how to read her, and right now, he's asking himself if he's even good for her.
He knows he's hurt her, and he knows that he's continuing to hurt her with his own reactions and ways of putting the thoughts in his mind into words. Maybe he should try harder to stop that. "I can't help it" isn't an excuse, is it? It doesn't feel like one he should be using. He hates that he keeps on hurting her when she's doing everything she can to help him.
"Should I just leave?" is another question that he's asked himself before immediately dismissing it. She didn't fight as hard as she did for him only for him to turn around and abandon her. No, he won't be leaving her, no matter how much his mind tells him he should.
He feels her hand latch onto his, and just the feeling of her touch is enough to make his spiraling thoughts come to a halt. Why is it so easy for him to lose himself in his mind, only for her touch to bring him back? He knows the answer; it's their connection, their bond, and he's not about to let that bond break because he's having difficulties adjusting. No, he just needs to try harder. ]
I love you. [ Maybe it's an odd time for the admission, but it slips out and he doesn't even have an interest in calling it back. Even when I'm having a hard time, I love her. I don't want her forgetting that.
She asks about his favorite flavor, and he knows already that he has no idea what it might have been, but maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe he can find a new favorite. ]
I wish I did, but that means I can find a new favorite, right? [ He's not even sure why he's asking her to confirm that, but maybe it's something they can do together... something she can help him with.
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He knows he's hurt her, and he knows that he's continuing to hurt her with his own reactions and ways of putting the thoughts in his mind into words. Maybe he should try harder to stop that. "I can't help it" isn't an excuse, is it? It doesn't feel like one he should be using. He hates that he keeps on hurting her when she's doing everything she can to help him.
"Should I just leave?" is another question that he's asked himself before immediately dismissing it. She didn't fight as hard as she did for him only for him to turn around and abandon her. No, he won't be leaving her, no matter how much his mind tells him he should.
He feels her hand latch onto his, and just the feeling of her touch is enough to make his spiraling thoughts come to a halt. Why is it so easy for him to lose himself in his mind, only for her touch to bring him back? He knows the answer; it's their connection, their bond, and he's not about to let that bond break because he's having difficulties adjusting. No, he just needs to try harder. ]
I love you. [ Maybe it's an odd time for the admission, but it slips out and he doesn't even have an interest in calling it back. Even when I'm having a hard time, I love her. I don't want her forgetting that.
She asks about his favorite flavor, and he knows already that he has no idea what it might have been, but maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe he can find a new favorite. ]
I wish I did, but that means I can find a new favorite, right? [ He's not even sure why he's asking her to confirm that, but maybe it's something they can do together... something she can help him with.
Baby steps, after all. ]