[ Maybe she doesn't need to. Maybe she doesn't need to help him with his demons that still seem to plague him even though it's been only a few months since he was released from FBC custody. Alan has to remind himself from time to time how long it's been. The calendar near the computer he uses for writing has been looked at fairly often since his return.
But maybe expecting Jesse to help him navigate it all is unfair to her. A lot of it is internal, after all, so he should sort it out on his own as much as he can.
Maybe what he needs to focus on is recalling as much as he can of events he's forgotten and trying to pick up the pieces from there. For now, though, his priority is making sure Jesse gets to warm up and relax once more. Maybe she could even fall asleep, since she couldn't have gotten a good night's sleep after all that.
He makes sure that she's covered by the blankets before he settles in next to her once more. He smiles slightly as her arm drapes over him and her leg slides over his. Even if there's nothing particularly sensual behind the gesture, he still appreciates it. He just appreciates having her with him.
One arm moves to rest against her arm that's draped over him, and the other moves to drape itself on top of the covers to rest over her thigh as he listens to her explain more about Polaris. He knows her as Jesse's guiding star, but he doesn't have that much knowledge or understanding about who she truly is. Obviously she's the antithesis of the Hiss, but he's just trying to really understand her and how she relates to Jesse.
His expression seems to darken slightly as the implications of what the Hiss are and what they did to Hedron sinks in. They invaded like a swarm of hostile bugs and took over Hedron.
Did she mention something about the Hiss trying to get her, or am I only imagining that? The sinking feeling inside him tells him that's not just something from his imagination, but he can't recall the exact conversation either, if it ever happened. Some instinct tells him it did, and he both does and doesn't want to trust that instinct. ]
The Hiss always existed, just like Polaris has always existed. Or that's my guess, anyway. Resonances don't have an age or a lifespan. They just are.
[ Alan's not really speaking from experience or knowledge, but his words sound logical enough, in light of what little he knows. ]
But he's alive, even if he is in a coma. That's what matters, isn't it? He's alive, and he'll wake up one day.
[ That could have been me. What if it was me instead of Dylan? I know she'd reject that if I ever brought it up. But I can't help but think she deserves to have him back. At least, she deserves to have him back first, but I know it doesn't work that way.
Alan knows his thoughts are most likely showing on his face; he's never been good at hiding how he feels, but he doesn't want Jesse to know exactly what's on his mind. He can't help but feel some measure of guilt that Dylan still hasn't woken up. If there was something he could do, he'd do it in a second. ]
I don't know if you told me or not. You probably did, and I don't remember it either. Somehow, it feels familiar, but so many things feel that way. I'm still trying to figure out how much of what I remember is real and what isn't.
You're like Hedron. Huh. [ He's not sure how to feel about that. ] That means you're in danger too, right? I mean, you've always been in some level of danger, but if the Hiss destroyed Hedron...
[ Something inside him clenches up at the implications, and he can't bring himself to finish that sentence. His hand tightens just slightly against her arm as fear and a strong determination to protect her if he can rises. He won't let her be destroyed like Hedron was. He'd rather die himself before letting that happen. Not that he wants to die anytime soon, not now that he's finally back with her.
I died... The stray thought bubbles up from nowhere, and he's quick to push it away again. Sometimes remnants of thoughts come up out of nowhere, and while he knows what those thoughts are, he doesn't want to let them have more of a hold on him than they already do. ]
I won't let that happen, and I'm pretty sure Polaris would never let that happen either.
[ I hope so, anyway. You better not let that happen, Polaris. ]
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But maybe expecting Jesse to help him navigate it all is unfair to her. A lot of it is internal, after all, so he should sort it out on his own as much as he can.
Maybe what he needs to focus on is recalling as much as he can of events he's forgotten and trying to pick up the pieces from there. For now, though, his priority is making sure Jesse gets to warm up and relax once more. Maybe she could even fall asleep, since she couldn't have gotten a good night's sleep after all that.
He makes sure that she's covered by the blankets before he settles in next to her once more. He smiles slightly as her arm drapes over him and her leg slides over his. Even if there's nothing particularly sensual behind the gesture, he still appreciates it. He just appreciates having her with him.
One arm moves to rest against her arm that's draped over him, and the other moves to drape itself on top of the covers to rest over her thigh as he listens to her explain more about Polaris. He knows her as Jesse's guiding star, but he doesn't have that much knowledge or understanding about who she truly is. Obviously she's the antithesis of the Hiss, but he's just trying to really understand her and how she relates to Jesse.
His expression seems to darken slightly as the implications of what the Hiss are and what they did to Hedron sinks in. They invaded like a swarm of hostile bugs and took over Hedron.
Did she mention something about the Hiss trying to get her, or am I only imagining that? The sinking feeling inside him tells him that's not just something from his imagination, but he can't recall the exact conversation either, if it ever happened. Some instinct tells him it did, and he both does and doesn't want to trust that instinct. ]
The Hiss always existed, just like Polaris has always existed. Or that's my guess, anyway. Resonances don't have an age or a lifespan. They just are.
[ Alan's not really speaking from experience or knowledge, but his words sound logical enough, in light of what little he knows. ]
But he's alive, even if he is in a coma. That's what matters, isn't it? He's alive, and he'll wake up one day.
[ That could have been me. What if it was me instead of Dylan? I know she'd reject that if I ever brought it up. But I can't help but think she deserves to have him back. At least, she deserves to have him back first, but I know it doesn't work that way.
Alan knows his thoughts are most likely showing on his face; he's never been good at hiding how he feels, but he doesn't want Jesse to know exactly what's on his mind. He can't help but feel some measure of guilt that Dylan still hasn't woken up. If there was something he could do, he'd do it in a second. ]
I don't know if you told me or not. You probably did, and I don't remember it either. Somehow, it feels familiar, but so many things feel that way. I'm still trying to figure out how much of what I remember is real and what isn't.
You're like Hedron. Huh. [ He's not sure how to feel about that. ] That means you're in danger too, right? I mean, you've always been in some level of danger, but if the Hiss destroyed Hedron...
[ Something inside him clenches up at the implications, and he can't bring himself to finish that sentence. His hand tightens just slightly against her arm as fear and a strong determination to protect her if he can rises. He won't let her be destroyed like Hedron was. He'd rather die himself before letting that happen. Not that he wants to die anytime soon, not now that he's finally back with her.
I died... The stray thought bubbles up from nowhere, and he's quick to push it away again. Sometimes remnants of thoughts come up out of nowhere, and while he knows what those thoughts are, he doesn't want to let them have more of a hold on him than they already do. ]
I won't let that happen, and I'm pretty sure Polaris would never let that happen either.
[ I hope so, anyway. You better not let that happen, Polaris. ]