[ Jesse herself would never suggest the idea of marriage. She wouldn't want to encroach on that space she sees as something shared between Alan and Alice. While their marriage had ended due to the death of his wife? That hardly stopped Alice from somehow reaching out to save her husband. Death or dimensions wasn't going to stop the two. Jesse doesn't want to step into something she sees as so personal and deeply connected to the two.
If Alan suggested it? She would only ask if he was sure of the notion. Then, she would say yes.
Still, she plans to see if she can find any footage of that video. She has no idea Alan has already had his closure. Only that one day he stopped wearing the ring that signified his marriage. She never asked why he took it off. It's not her business.
She smiles. ] An old flannel shirt? You did look good in it.
[ « When he wasn't covered in blood. »
The smile turns to a small frown. A hand rests on the top of his head. It'll take time for this to all work out. This just happens to be a time where it feels as if that fact is so far out. She gives his shoulders a squeeze before reaching over and putting the lamp above them on the top of the headrest. Then, she guides him to lay down with her beneath the blankets. She holds onto him, hoping that her breathing and Polaris' gentle rhythm will lure him into a state of sleep. One where he feels comforted and protected.
Something she can say she certainly doesn't feel in her sleep and that is far from Alan's fault or reasoning. It isn't his doing her dream isn't a dream and more like viewing the memory that belongs to someone else.
Especially when it is a memory and not a dream.
She's never seen the room before. Concrete, covered in hanging lights, a small folding table in the middle with an old shoebox. She's never seen the people in the room with her, even though she feels as if she knows them. That is, until her eyes move over to the shoebox and she sees a familiar person. A man in a gray tweed jacket with elbow patches and jeans. He's standing at the shoebox with his back to them.
Jesse knows who it is immediately and her heart pounds. Not out of anxiety or fear. No, it's because she's happy to finally put an end to all the madness around them. She's finally a help to someone. A special someone who loves her, and, she loves him in return. Even if the emotions seem so knotted up inside her she isn't sure what emotion ties to what. Jesse knows what the feeling is, despite the memory holding version of her being unsure of the source or emotion.
Things happen in rapid succession but also somehow slowed down. Everyone else is admiring the lights as she stands there at the ready to go. Backpack in hand. Flashlight on the side. He's gotten what he needs and now she's ready to move out. No one else has seemed to notice how he hesitantly puts the white object in his inner coat and folds the manuscript page up. He then starts making his way to the door. He tells them all to stay where they are and he'll be back once he's put an end to it all.
Jesse feels fear spike through her and quickly moves to the door to be ready to slip out with him. Their eyes meet there. The words back and forth between them are something she can't recall. It's heated, direct, and every passing word makes a her heart clench. Her anxiety spike. Eyes widen. Hands shake. She knows what he intends to do and she won't let him. She's going to stay with him until the end.
Except, she doesn't get the chance to follow him. He slips out behind the door. The moment she goes to move after him the door shuts as if slammed by some unseen force. It echoes in her mind and through her whole person. Straight through her legs and down into the floor below her.
He's gone.
Just like everyone in Ordinary.
Alan's gone.
The admission to herself in her mind is enough to make something break. The Jesse who has lived this event can't identify the feeling right away, but the one seeing it as a dream can. She knows that feeling. The feeling that something precious was stolen away and the place that feeling once was just feels numb. So numb that it is all encompassing. Consuming.
The only difference is that she had to let it happen. This Jesse had no choice.
She feels herself lean against one of the many metal beams that holds the room together. Then, she slides down it. Everything collapses in a graceless motion as she stares at the door. Every inch of her feels numb, but she can't call it an out of body experience. She very much hears and feels the way the other people try to get her attention. It just feels so disconnected.
Alan's gone. He promised--he said... now he's... he's...
Jesse's eyes snap open.
It takes a moment for her senses to filter back. The room in her apartment. LED lamp on. Her eyes widen and her gaze swings to her side. Her heart pounds with the fear that Alan--her Alan--has disappeared. Green eyes find his expression soft in a slumber.
Jesse inhales and presses her lips together as tears unexpectedly gather. She would reach out to touch him if she knew it wouldn't rouse him. Instead, for some time, she merely lays there and watches him sleep. The way his chest falls and rises. How he shifts in his sleep. The fact he is truly asleep.
Eventually, Jesse quietly pulls herself from the bed. Her fingers latch onto the keychain at the side of the bed before she ungracefully collapses into the window seat. Her legs pull up and her hands drape over her knees. Then, her gaze moves to the keychain in her hands. Fingers brush over the outline of where the buck should slip in to make then completed pair. They brush over it again and again and again.
« I let him go. My Alan. I had to in order for him and Saga to finish "Return." He had to go and I couldn't follow. It was MY choice.
My choice and it still... »
Her lips press together. This hasn't been the first time she's seen something connecting to another version of herself. In the Writer's Room. Alan in her lap, and suddenly, the room filled with overhead light as she held Alan's hand beside her. Jesse felt anxious, unsure of what to do to help her Alan. The other her must have felt the same way and it allowed them to share a moment.
This time... it must have been because the other version of herself feels the same way she felt at the parking area next to Cauldron Lake.
« It broke her heart. "Return" broke mine. »
The admission makes her inhale once more. She feels the tears in her eyes that never fall. Her thumbs continue to brush over the charm. She remains sitting in the same place even as the sun begins to rise. Her hands and legs have grown cold. Not that she has noticed any of those changes.
That numbing feeling from her other self remains so consuming it is all she notices. ]
no subject
If Alan suggested it? She would only ask if he was sure of the notion. Then, she would say yes.
Still, she plans to see if she can find any footage of that video. She has no idea Alan has already had his closure. Only that one day he stopped wearing the ring that signified his marriage. She never asked why he took it off. It's not her business.
She smiles. ] An old flannel shirt? You did look good in it.
[ « When he wasn't covered in blood. »
The smile turns to a small frown. A hand rests on the top of his head. It'll take time for this to all work out. This just happens to be a time where it feels as if that fact is so far out. She gives his shoulders a squeeze before reaching over and putting the lamp above them on the top of the headrest. Then, she guides him to lay down with her beneath the blankets. She holds onto him, hoping that her breathing and Polaris' gentle rhythm will lure him into a state of sleep. One where he feels comforted and protected.
Something she can say she certainly doesn't feel in her sleep and that is far from Alan's fault or reasoning. It isn't his doing her dream isn't a dream and more like viewing the memory that belongs to someone else.
Especially when it is a memory and not a dream.
She's never seen the room before. Concrete, covered in hanging lights, a small folding table in the middle with an old shoebox. She's never seen the people in the room with her, even though she feels as if she knows them. That is, until her eyes move over to the shoebox and she sees a familiar person. A man in a gray tweed jacket with elbow patches and jeans. He's standing at the shoebox with his back to them.
Jesse knows who it is immediately and her heart pounds. Not out of anxiety or fear. No, it's because she's happy to finally put an end to all the madness around them. She's finally a help to someone. A special someone who loves her, and, she loves him in return. Even if the emotions seem so knotted up inside her she isn't sure what emotion ties to what. Jesse knows what the feeling is, despite the memory holding version of her being unsure of the source or emotion.
Things happen in rapid succession but also somehow slowed down. Everyone else is admiring the lights as she stands there at the ready to go. Backpack in hand. Flashlight on the side. He's gotten what he needs and now she's ready to move out. No one else has seemed to notice how he hesitantly puts the white object in his inner coat and folds the manuscript page up. He then starts making his way to the door. He tells them all to stay where they are and he'll be back once he's put an end to it all.
Jesse feels fear spike through her and quickly moves to the door to be ready to slip out with him. Their eyes meet there. The words back and forth between them are something she can't recall. It's heated, direct, and every passing word makes a her heart clench. Her anxiety spike. Eyes widen. Hands shake. She knows what he intends to do and she won't let him. She's going to stay with him until the end.
Except, she doesn't get the chance to follow him. He slips out behind the door. The moment she goes to move after him the door shuts as if slammed by some unseen force. It echoes in her mind and through her whole person. Straight through her legs and down into the floor below her.
He's gone.
Just like everyone in Ordinary.
Alan's gone.
The admission to herself in her mind is enough to make something break. The Jesse who has lived this event can't identify the feeling right away, but the one seeing it as a dream can. She knows that feeling. The feeling that something precious was stolen away and the place that feeling once was just feels numb. So numb that it is all encompassing. Consuming.
The only difference is that she had to let it happen. This Jesse had no choice.
She feels herself lean against one of the many metal beams that holds the room together. Then, she slides down it. Everything collapses in a graceless motion as she stares at the door. Every inch of her feels numb, but she can't call it an out of body experience. She very much hears and feels the way the other people try to get her attention. It just feels so disconnected.
Alan's gone. He promised--he said... now he's... he's...
Jesse's eyes snap open.
It takes a moment for her senses to filter back. The room in her apartment. LED lamp on. Her eyes widen and her gaze swings to her side. Her heart pounds with the fear that Alan--her Alan--has disappeared. Green eyes find his expression soft in a slumber.
Jesse inhales and presses her lips together as tears unexpectedly gather. She would reach out to touch him if she knew it wouldn't rouse him. Instead, for some time, she merely lays there and watches him sleep. The way his chest falls and rises. How he shifts in his sleep. The fact he is truly asleep.
Eventually, Jesse quietly pulls herself from the bed. Her fingers latch onto the keychain at the side of the bed before she ungracefully collapses into the window seat. Her legs pull up and her hands drape over her knees. Then, her gaze moves to the keychain in her hands. Fingers brush over the outline of where the buck should slip in to make then completed pair. They brush over it again and again and again.
« I let him go. My Alan. I had to in order for him and Saga to finish "Return." He had to go and I couldn't follow. It was MY choice.
My choice and it still... »
Her lips press together. This hasn't been the first time she's seen something connecting to another version of herself. In the Writer's Room. Alan in her lap, and suddenly, the room filled with overhead light as she held Alan's hand beside her. Jesse felt anxious, unsure of what to do to help her Alan. The other her must have felt the same way and it allowed them to share a moment.
This time... it must have been because the other version of herself feels the same way she felt at the parking area next to Cauldron Lake.
« It broke her heart. "Return" broke mine. »
The admission makes her inhale once more. She feels the tears in her eyes that never fall. Her thumbs continue to brush over the charm. She remains sitting in the same place even as the sun begins to rise. Her hands and legs have grown cold. Not that she has noticed any of those changes.
That numbing feeling from her other self remains so consuming it is all she notices. ]