[ There's no judgment or criticism or attempt at invading her privacy in Alan's gaze; it's just his gaze, gray eyes looking for the woman he's fallen in love with and can't imagine a life without her. He doesn't have to look too far, because he can see her beneath the exterior of the Director, and his eyes soften because that's who he loves most. He loves all parts of her, every side of her, but it's the girl from Ordinary who won him over.
A stray thought occurs that maybe he's falling in too deeply and too quickly, but it's definitely too late for him to stop now. He doesn't even want to stop.
Her fingers curl beneath his chin and then move to tracing his jawline while his hands move to lightly touch the strands of hair that have fallen to frame her face; in certain lights, the color seems to glow, and Alan can't help but be staggered at the effect it has on her. It's a good thing he's lying down or he might just go weak at the knees. But he can also see the hint of tiredness in her eyes and knows that soon, she'll drift off to sleep. Well, when she does, he'll be right there with her, holding her just like this, and... and if anything tries to pull them apart, he'll fight to stay with her. He's awake now, no longer drowning, and he won't just stand still and let what they've finally found be severed again.
He might be afraid of that very thing, but his determination to fight back harder than ever is stronger than his fear. Jesse's told him before that he's stronger than he even knows, and he's never really acknowledged that about himself, but there's no denying how there are times when he feels a strong sense of determination to push back against the darkness that's ruined so much for both of them. ]
The first time, on the Hotline. That was- it feels like that was so long ago now. I remember that I was desperate. I would've done anything to get out, but I knew it was a long shot. Maybe you wouldn't hear the message. Maybe you wouldn't care.
[ Something in his eyes seems to soften, betraying an emotion he can't hide. It clearly means a lot to him that she cared enough to stay with him as long as she has. ]
If I haven't said it enough... thank you.
Maybe I should go back to it. I- well, I don't know who I'm supposed to be now. Maybe going back will make me feel more like myself... myself, just different.
[ He stops to think, to try and remember why he wore the brown suit at all. And then he remembers and his expression shifts again as if he's remembering something unpleasant. ]
It felt like the kind of thing writers wear.... the great literary writers, not someone who writes horror fiction. It's going to sound ridiculous, even pathetic, but I thought that if I looked the part, maybe I'd feel like I was the kind of writer I always wanted to be. It would still be a lie though, and I knew how ridiculous it was, but I did it anyway.
[ His fingers curl and he has to resist the urge to look away as his embarrassment rises. ]
no subject
[ There's no judgment or criticism or attempt at invading her privacy in Alan's gaze; it's just his gaze, gray eyes looking for the woman he's fallen in love with and can't imagine a life without her. He doesn't have to look too far, because he can see her beneath the exterior of the Director, and his eyes soften because that's who he loves most. He loves all parts of her, every side of her, but it's the girl from Ordinary who won him over.
A stray thought occurs that maybe he's falling in too deeply and too quickly, but it's definitely too late for him to stop now. He doesn't even want to stop.
Her fingers curl beneath his chin and then move to tracing his jawline while his hands move to lightly touch the strands of hair that have fallen to frame her face; in certain lights, the color seems to glow, and Alan can't help but be staggered at the effect it has on her. It's a good thing he's lying down or he might just go weak at the knees. But he can also see the hint of tiredness in her eyes and knows that soon, she'll drift off to sleep. Well, when she does, he'll be right there with her, holding her just like this, and... and if anything tries to pull them apart, he'll fight to stay with her. He's awake now, no longer drowning, and he won't just stand still and let what they've finally found be severed again.
He might be afraid of that very thing, but his determination to fight back harder than ever is stronger than his fear. Jesse's told him before that he's stronger than he even knows, and he's never really acknowledged that about himself, but there's no denying how there are times when he feels a strong sense of determination to push back against the darkness that's ruined so much for both of them. ]
The first time, on the Hotline. That was- it feels like that was so long ago now. I remember that I was desperate. I would've done anything to get out, but I knew it was a long shot. Maybe you wouldn't hear the message. Maybe you wouldn't care.
[ Something in his eyes seems to soften, betraying an emotion he can't hide. It clearly means a lot to him that she cared enough to stay with him as long as she has. ]
If I haven't said it enough... thank you.
Maybe I should go back to it. I- well, I don't know who I'm supposed to be now. Maybe going back will make me feel more like myself... myself, just different.
[ He stops to think, to try and remember why he wore the brown suit at all. And then he remembers and his expression shifts again as if he's remembering something unpleasant. ]
It felt like the kind of thing writers wear.... the great literary writers, not someone who writes horror fiction. It's going to sound ridiculous, even pathetic, but I thought that if I looked the part, maybe I'd feel like I was the kind of writer I always wanted to be. It would still be a lie though, and I knew how ridiculous it was, but I did it anyway.
[ His fingers curl and he has to resist the urge to look away as his embarrassment rises. ]