[ Alan shakes his head almost immediately. He won't ask more of her; he just can't. It would be wrong, and unfair, and so for the time being, he's determined to not ask any more of her. ] Never mind. It's nothing to worry about. We have enough to worry about already.
[ He knows she won't accept that, and she might even react with impatience or anger, but he just can't knowingly place another burden on her when she already has so many she has to carry. He has to be strong enough to push forward, even if strong is the last thing that he feels right now. If anything, he just feels tired. Weak, if he wanted to go that far, but that's too dramatic even for him. Still, the path forward seems long and difficult and he wonders if he can even make it down that path. He has to, because he has no other choice; he'll just take it one step at a time, hoping he doesn't fall along the way.
... So maybe he is being a little dramatic. But after thirteen years of fighting, maybe he deserves the chance to be dramatic.
For now, even though he knows the road ahead is going to be long and dark, he just decides to focus on this moment with Jesse. Who knows how many more moments like this they'll be able to have until the story ends? His eyes slide closed and he tries to commit these feelings to his memory. He might forget this happened, but he hopes he doesn't. He hopes he never loses the memory of how it feels to be with Jesse, to hold her and kiss her, and just be with her. If he can remember this, maybe it'll give him the strength he needs to keep fighting.
Part of him just wants to finally allow himself to lie against her, because he's resisted doing that several times now, but that would mean breaking their kiss, and he isn't ready to do that just yet. Eventually, they'll have to come up for air, but he intends to hold this for as long as they both can. ]
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[ He knows she won't accept that, and she might even react with impatience or anger, but he just can't knowingly place another burden on her when she already has so many she has to carry. He has to be strong enough to push forward, even if strong is the last thing that he feels right now. If anything, he just feels tired. Weak, if he wanted to go that far, but that's too dramatic even for him. Still, the path forward seems long and difficult and he wonders if he can even make it down that path. He has to, because he has no other choice; he'll just take it one step at a time, hoping he doesn't fall along the way.
... So maybe he is being a little dramatic. But after thirteen years of fighting, maybe he deserves the chance to be dramatic.
For now, even though he knows the road ahead is going to be long and dark, he just decides to focus on this moment with Jesse. Who knows how many more moments like this they'll be able to have until the story ends? His eyes slide closed and he tries to commit these feelings to his memory. He might forget this happened, but he hopes he doesn't. He hopes he never loses the memory of how it feels to be with Jesse, to hold her and kiss her, and just be with her. If he can remember this, maybe it'll give him the strength he needs to keep fighting.
Part of him just wants to finally allow himself to lie against her, because he's resisted doing that several times now, but that would mean breaking their kiss, and he isn't ready to do that just yet. Eventually, they'll have to come up for air, but he intends to hold this for as long as they both can. ]