[ If she told him about that, he wouldn't be able to stop his thoughts from going places they shouldn't. He'd wonder if maybe they would be happier than they are now if they'd met back then, before he went so deep into the story and into the lake that coming out of it was difficult, if not impossible. If she met him then, maybe he could have been happier and made her happier too, because then he might not have hurt her in all the ways that he has. So maybe she's right in thinking Alan wouldn't be able to handle that.

As it is, he can barely handle the storm that's brewing inside him, the storm that Jesse's picked up on. He wants to collapse against her, but he can't do that. He has to be the writer who fixes the story, who fixes everything he broke, and he can't be a wreck. ]

Break the loop? Make it the final time? Jesse- [ Alan's breath hitches as his emotions threaten to spill out of him. ] The reason why these loops won't end is because of me. I- I was fixing the story, fixing the ending, and I stopped myself from doing it. I've been stopping myself from doing it this whole time.

[ He only saw it the one time that he can remember, but it makes sense to him in the worst possible way. How many loops ended with him coming upon himself making edits to the story and putting a stop to it with a bullet in his own head? Was it all of them or only some? Does it matter? If he can only remember it happening once, then there's just as much of a chance that it keeps on happening but he forgets it every time. He's his own worse enemy. ]

Maybe there is no breaking the loop.

[ I'm trapped here in this nightmare. ]