[ If "self dislike" can be applied to two halves of one person hating the other half, well, then... this seems to be a clear example of self dislike. Scratch hates Alan and wants to take over his whole life. Alan views Scratch as a monster and is terrified of him and what he's capable of doing to the people he loves. But maybe there is a small part, a very small part of Scratch, that does truly love Jesse. It's just buried beneath the greed and wanting and the hatred for everything that Alan is. Well, the hatred for Alan the person. Scratch doesn't hate his life or the fame he got from writing books, or the love he found from Alice and then Jesse. ]
It's your job, but you're also smart. You learn quickly, unlike him. [ Scratch shrugs. ] Well, you're not wrong. I want his life because I deserve it more, and I don't have a problem admitting that.
[ He watches her reactions carefully when he lets loose the bombshell that Alice is dead. Clearly she didn't know. He opens his mouth to say something, but suddenly, inexplicably, no words come out.
Ö́̃͝h̍͂͠,̾̃͠ i̿̄͠t͆̾͞'̅̉͡s̛̄ not your turn ye̐t̔͋͞, and if I͊̿ ĥ̑͡a͗͆̕ve ã̽͠nything t͆̾̕o̓ sãy̒̀͡ â̛̑b͛͠out it, it̍̋'̿̉̕l̕l ñevë́̍͞r b͝e your turn҇̇̍ a̓̃̕g҇̓̌a͊̄͞in.
The words are said in Scratch's mind, said to the writer that he's trying to drown out.
You can't keep me pushed down like this! I'll- I'll fight you...
Alan's reply is muted, faint, as if he's trying to yell at Scratch from 50 feet under water. But he's not finished just yet, even though the effort of trying to speak looks like it's taking a heavy toll on him.
It's because of you and the Dark Presence that I wasn't there for Alice. Alice... Jesse... I need- I need to get back to her! Polaris, are you there?
If Jesse's watching, she might notice a look on Scratch's face that isn't fitting with the conversation they've been having. It's a look of desperation, and it doesn't belong on Scratch's face. For just a second, it's not Scratch looking back at her, it's someone else entirely.
O̓͋̕h̛̽̂,҇̓͐ you'̽re n͐̊̕ò͊̕t͑͑͠ g̒̕oing to b̿͊̕r͂̊͞e̊͠ak ť̛̏h҇ro͝ugh tŏ̓ t̛̑he҇̉͒m̽̒͡ t̋́͞h̐͠at easily.́̉ Ï̑͡ d̔̆̕o̍͐͡u͞bt̃̽͠ t͆͌͞h͋͠ey can eve͋͐n͊̋͝ h̛̐̇e̐́͞a̐͞r you. Wh̊y̛͌̒ d̀͐͡on't y͂͌͞o͡u just gī̅͞v̍̆̕e҇̾̀ ǘ̒͝p҇͋̀ an̒d let Mr͂.͞ Sc҇̔̌r͛̄͝ä́͊͝t̊̍̕c̛̀͗h̍̒͝ take the re͒͡in̛̾̓s͊̃͡?̄̂̕ Y͗͠ou said y҇̒̅ō̓̕u̕ wan͌ted҇̔̐ to sle͌̈e͆̕p. W̆͌h̽͆͞y̑̐͡ d͑́͝o͞n't you j͒͑u̒͒̕s̾̀͞t͌̃͠ g͗͞o t̉̈̕o̍͆̕ s͡leep now? I͑l͒̃̕l͌̽̕ h̍͗͞a̛͗ndle eve̅͑͞r̆̕ything͊̚͞ f̈̅͝rom her̄e̓̽͠.̛̀̊
Damn it, I won't let you do this! You can't take Jesse from me too. Jesse... JESSE, you can't listen to him!
Alan doesn't expect Jesse to be able to hear him, but he's hoping against hope that somehow, his words break through. Maybe Polaris can still hear him and tell Jesse what he's desperately trying to say. It's a long shot, but it's the only thing Alan has right now.
The only problem is, Scratch has him pushed down so far that trying to come back to the surface feels like an insurmountable task. I have to do this. I can't- He'll kill them all. If they're dead, then all of this was for nothing. I won't- I can't continue without her.
Without a reason to fight, Alan won't want to continue trying. ]
no subject
It's your job, but you're also smart. You learn quickly, unlike him. [ Scratch shrugs. ] Well, you're not wrong. I want his life because I deserve it more, and I don't have a problem admitting that.
[ He watches her reactions carefully when he lets loose the bombshell that Alice is dead. Clearly she didn't know. He opens his mouth to say something, but suddenly, inexplicably, no words come out.
Ö́̃͝h̍͂͠,̾̃͠ i̿̄͠t͆̾͞'̅̉͡s̛̄ not your turn ye̐t̔͋͞, and if I͊̿ ĥ̑͡a͗͆̕ve ã̽͠nything t͆̾̕o̓ sãy̒̀͡ â̛̑b͛͠out it, it̍̋'̿̉̕l̕l ñevë́̍͞r b͝e your turn҇̇̍ a̓̃̕g҇̓̌a͊̄͞in.
The words are said in Scratch's mind, said to the writer that he's trying to drown out.
You can't keep me pushed down like this! I'll- I'll fight you...
Alan's reply is muted, faint, as if he's trying to yell at Scratch from 50 feet under water. But he's not finished just yet, even though the effort of trying to speak looks like it's taking a heavy toll on him.
It's because of you and the Dark Presence that I wasn't there for Alice. Alice... Jesse... I need- I need to get back to her! Polaris, are you there?
If Jesse's watching, she might notice a look on Scratch's face that isn't fitting with the conversation they've been having. It's a look of desperation, and it doesn't belong on Scratch's face. For just a second, it's not Scratch looking back at her, it's someone else entirely.
O̓͋̕h̛̽̂,҇̓͐ you'̽re n͐̊̕ò͊̕t͑͑͠ g̒̕oing to b̿͊̕r͂̊͞e̊͠ak ť̛̏h҇ro͝ugh tŏ̓ t̛̑he҇̉͒m̽̒͡ t̋́͞h̐͠at easily.́̉ Ï̑͡ d̔̆̕o̍͐͡u͞bt̃̽͠ t͆͌͞h͋͠ey can eve͋͐n͊̋͝ h̛̐̇e̐́͞a̐͞r you. Wh̊y̛͌̒ d̀͐͡on't y͂͌͞o͡u just gī̅͞v̍̆̕e҇̾̀ ǘ̒͝p҇͋̀ an̒d let Mr͂.͞ Sc҇̔̌r͛̄͝ä́͊͝t̊̍̕c̛̀͗h̍̒͝ take the re͒͡in̛̾̓s͊̃͡?̄̂̕ Y͗͠ou said y҇̒̅ō̓̕u̕ wan͌ted҇̔̐ to sle͌̈e͆̕p. W̆͌h̽͆͞y̑̐͡ d͑́͝o͞n't you j͒͑u̒͒̕s̾̀͞t͌̃͠ g͗͞o t̉̈̕o̍͆̕ s͡leep now? I͑l͒̃̕l͌̽̕ h̍͗͞a̛͗ndle eve̅͑͞r̆̕ything͊̚͞ f̈̅͝rom her̄e̓̽͠.̛̀̊
Damn it, I won't let you do this! You can't take Jesse from me too. Jesse... JESSE, you can't listen to him!
Alan doesn't expect Jesse to be able to hear him, but he's hoping against hope that somehow, his words break through. Maybe Polaris can still hear him and tell Jesse what he's desperately trying to say. It's a long shot, but it's the only thing Alan has right now.
The only problem is, Scratch has him pushed down so far that trying to come back to the surface feels like an insurmountable task. I have to do this. I can't- He'll kill them all. If they're dead, then all of this was for nothing. I won't- I can't continue without her.
Without a reason to fight, Alan won't want to continue trying. ]