[ The expression on her face seems to be an answer to the question he didn't voice. Yes, she knows the story is forcing his hand. He would write stakes but not impossible ones normally. It doesn't change the fact she hates it. Hates that the story is out of her control; that she can't be the hero he wanted to cast her to be originally. It's not that she doesn't want to be... the story simply won't let her. They can't progress if she is a hero like him and Saga.
« Breaking out of these loops should be more important than how I feel. The mission, the job... how many times did I have to put finding Dylan to the side at the Oldest House to deal with another crisis along the way. This is the same. Even if I tried to fight it. The town, the FBI Agents, my field agents. They all need to come first before what I want.
In the end, I really am just waiting for them to come home. Dylan and Alan. From... wherever Dylan is, and the night. No matter what powers you help me have, or what the Buearu learns, I can't bring them home. »
Suddenly, her demeanor changes. Her head lowers, forehead pressing lightly to his chin after his light kisses. Eyes fall downcast. An unsettling feeling encompasses her then. This isn't the last loop. This is just setting the stage, putting the pieces in motion. Shifting blocks in the story how they need to be to finally end it. This isn't the last loop, but something about it feels like it will be the last time for them in the story.
« He did what I told him to do... what I demanded him to do. But, it just doesn't work in the story. We went around and around, dragging all of this on, because we wanted to have this despite the horror. It's trapped by the genre. We can have something of it, but not all of it. Just like Saga's family and partner are in danger now. A little bit of what we love, trying to be taken away, and we have to fight for it. Except, Scratch won't let Alan have this, because he wants everything Alan has. Everything he is or could be. »
Alan has already accepted his part in it all. Now, she needs to do the same thing. She hates it. Down to her core--the unordinary girl from Ordinary. She's already lost her parents, her childhood, homes, Dylan, people she tried to save from the Hiss. She doesn't want Alan on that list too. She'll keep fighting the story to make a way to bring him home and keep him here. It just seems by being them isn't the way forward anymore. ]
You can't disappear.
[ The statement may seem from nowhere or out of place. She hopes not. Alan knows her well enough to follow when she says things and doesn't.
She shivers at his fingers along her sides. A reflex follows, rocking against him and a pleased sound despite the tone of her voice. Her fingers weave between the space of the jeans and his undershirt. They lightly move along, teasing, hint and asking for more. She feels the sudden need to have more if this is their last time.
Her head tilts back up to kiss him. Need, hunger, desperation, desire, loneliness all seem to creep into it at once. She deepens the kiss, rocking against him once more, fingers moving to find the buckle on his belt.
« If it's the last time, I don't want more regrets. I don't want to feel like I should have or could have done something. I want to be with my Alan. Even if he doesn't remember it next loop... or once the AWE is finally over. If I can't be with him outside of altered reality... then I want this last time.
Even if he says no--he'll know that I still want it. Him. The life we talked about. » ]
no subject
« Breaking out of these loops should be more important than how I feel. The mission, the job... how many times did I have to put finding Dylan to the side at the Oldest House to deal with another crisis along the way. This is the same. Even if I tried to fight it. The town, the FBI Agents, my field agents. They all need to come first before what I want.
In the end, I really am just waiting for them to come home. Dylan and Alan. From... wherever Dylan is, and the night. No matter what powers you help me have, or what the Buearu learns, I can't bring them home. »
Suddenly, her demeanor changes. Her head lowers, forehead pressing lightly to his chin after his light kisses. Eyes fall downcast. An unsettling feeling encompasses her then. This isn't the last loop. This is just setting the stage, putting the pieces in motion. Shifting blocks in the story how they need to be to finally end it. This isn't the last loop, but something about it feels like it will be the last time for them in the story.
« He did what I told him to do... what I demanded him to do. But, it just doesn't work in the story. We went around and around, dragging all of this on, because we wanted to have this despite the horror. It's trapped by the genre. We can have something of it, but not all of it. Just like Saga's family and partner are in danger now. A little bit of what we love, trying to be taken away, and we have to fight for it. Except, Scratch won't let Alan have this, because he wants everything Alan has. Everything he is or could be. »
Alan has already accepted his part in it all. Now, she needs to do the same thing. She hates it. Down to her core--the unordinary girl from Ordinary. She's already lost her parents, her childhood, homes, Dylan, people she tried to save from the Hiss. She doesn't want Alan on that list too. She'll keep fighting the story to make a way to bring him home and keep him here. It just seems by being them isn't the way forward anymore. ]
You can't disappear.
[ The statement may seem from nowhere or out of place. She hopes not. Alan knows her well enough to follow when she says things and doesn't.
She shivers at his fingers along her sides. A reflex follows, rocking against him and a pleased sound despite the tone of her voice. Her fingers weave between the space of the jeans and his undershirt. They lightly move along, teasing, hint and asking for more. She feels the sudden need to have more if this is their last time.
Her head tilts back up to kiss him. Need, hunger, desperation, desire, loneliness all seem to creep into it at once. She deepens the kiss, rocking against him once more, fingers moving to find the buckle on his belt.
« If it's the last time, I don't want more regrets. I don't want to feel like I should have or could have done something. I want to be with my Alan. Even if he doesn't remember it next loop... or once the AWE is finally over. If I can't be with him outside of altered reality... then I want this last time.
Even if he says no--he'll know that I still want it. Him. The life we talked about. » ]