Experience? Knowledge? [ Alan briefly shakes his head, not enough to dislodge the two of them, but it's obvious he doesn't consider what he has as either of those things. ] There's no handbook to tell someone how to navigate the Dark Place. Nothing that describes the Dark Presence or what it does. If I've learned anything at all, it's through trial and error. And... and maybe I don't really know anything.
These loops, all these drafts of my writing, if that's what they are- I don't know if they're needed. It's strange, even bizarre.
[ His eyebrows furrow as something he shouldn't remember prods at his mind again. It's only an impression, a faint memory, and it's one the story is trying to obscure simply because it's not in this story. But some part of Alan's mind retained it for some reason. ]
Masks come off. [ Alan's tone has shifted to something more reminiscent of the tone he used on the hotline calls. ] I- I was talking to someone. I don't remember his name. He said a lot of things about me, about what I'm doing to try and get out. I know how to make things difficult for myself, he said. And- What else... what was it?
[ He has to search to remember, digging deeper to find something that's being hidden from him. ]
Rules. Convoluted loops. Opening doors that he thinks shouldn't be opened. He said some other things, warned me to stay out of his way. But... maybe I don't actually know what I'm doing, and that's why nothing's working. Some things are working, but a lot of things aren't. I don't know.
[ But then, suddenly, he manages a smile for her. It's small, but it's genuine and it softens the look in his eyes as well. ]
When you say it like that, I almost believe it. I almost feel like I can do anything. [ Because she believes I can. She believes I can when I don't know if I even believe in myself.
A quiet sigh escapes him when she runs her fingers against his beard again. The gesture is comforting somehow. It reassures him and soothes his frayed nerves. ]
No, I haven't. [ His smile widens a fraction. ] I'd like to, though. I'd- I'd like to fight alongside you.
[ It's stupid, but Alan wants it. He wants to see her in action, and he wants to be there fighting with her. But then, suddenly, his smile turns into a grin. ]
A private look, huh?
[ He doesn't have time to say more, as they've just been joined by Steve, but he turns to smile at the ranger as well. ]
Hey. [ Babysitting duty? ] No preferences. I'll take whatever you have. A shotgun's fine, but whatever you have that isn't being used. [ Considering it's my fault they're all here. I can't be picky. ]
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These loops, all these drafts of my writing, if that's what they are- I don't know if they're needed. It's strange, even bizarre.
[ His eyebrows furrow as something he shouldn't remember prods at his mind again. It's only an impression, a faint memory, and it's one the story is trying to obscure simply because it's not in this story. But some part of Alan's mind retained it for some reason. ]
Masks come off. [ Alan's tone has shifted to something more reminiscent of the tone he used on the hotline calls. ] I- I was talking to someone. I don't remember his name. He said a lot of things about me, about what I'm doing to try and get out. I know how to make things difficult for myself, he said. And- What else... what was it?
[ He has to search to remember, digging deeper to find something that's being hidden from him. ]
Rules. Convoluted loops. Opening doors that he thinks shouldn't be opened. He said some other things, warned me to stay out of his way. But... maybe I don't actually know what I'm doing, and that's why nothing's working. Some things are working, but a lot of things aren't. I don't know.
[ But then, suddenly, he manages a smile for her. It's small, but it's genuine and it softens the look in his eyes as well. ]
When you say it like that, I almost believe it. I almost feel like I can do anything. [ Because she believes I can. She believes I can when I don't know if I even believe in myself.
A quiet sigh escapes him when she runs her fingers against his beard again. The gesture is comforting somehow. It reassures him and soothes his frayed nerves. ]
No, I haven't. [ His smile widens a fraction. ] I'd like to, though. I'd- I'd like to fight alongside you.
[ It's stupid, but Alan wants it. He wants to see her in action, and he wants to be there fighting with her. But then, suddenly, his smile turns into a grin. ]
A private look, huh?
[ He doesn't have time to say more, as they've just been joined by Steve, but he turns to smile at the ranger as well. ]
Hey. [ Babysitting duty? ] No preferences. I'll take whatever you have. A shotgun's fine, but whatever you have that isn't being used. [ Considering it's my fault they're all here. I can't be picky. ]