[ The sad look in Jesse's eyes reflects the look of desperation that's flaring in Alan's eyes. It's desperation, worry, and sadness all wrapped up in one. He wants to be free of this, so he can finally come home to her as he's promised- a promise that the darkness is trying very hard to make him forget. It's that desperation that makes Alan's hold on her tighten. Not uncomfortably, but he has this driving feeling that he wants to hold onto her and not let go. ]
If it's the last time around... God, I hope it is. I- [ Alan's gaze falls and a clear sense of weariness seems to land on his shoulders. He's not even sure what the difference is this time, because the memories of the past times going through the loops are also being hidden from him, but there's a resignation clinging to him that he can't shake off. He's not giving up, or out of fight just yet, but the temptation to just lie down and stop is stronger than ever.
Having Jesse here helps; he won't have her thinking it doesn't. It's just the lure and enticement of the Dark Presence is persistent. His eyes close for a moment when her fingers brush against his beard. For some reason, he likes the feeling of that touch, although she could touch his arms or hands and he'd have the same reaction.
If Alan knew what Jesse was thinking, he would say he feels like less of a main role, and more like someone being pushed along or steered in certain directions because it's what the story wants. Maybe he fought more in the beginning, but now it feels to him that he's stuck in a current that's taking him wherever it wants to go. He knows he needs to remember how to swim, but he's starting to forget even that. ]
I want to believe I have it. To know I have it. [ His expression darkens, but it's coming from him, not the darkness in his mind. ] Screw this story and this darkness. It's trying to take everything from me. [ Frustration and a very thinly veiled burst of anger and determination sounds in Alan's voice.
He relaxes again when Jesse kisses him. She's always had that effect on him, even in their more emotionally charged and passionate moments that he barely remembers. She grounds him, calms him when he's spiraling. Now is no different.
The light flares again in Alan's mind, somewhat like a flickering lightbulb that isn't quite ready to burn out. Polaris' resonance is still working for now. As long as Alan can hold onto it, maybe the light won't burn out again. ]
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If it's the last time around... God, I hope it is. I- [ Alan's gaze falls and a clear sense of weariness seems to land on his shoulders. He's not even sure what the difference is this time, because the memories of the past times going through the loops are also being hidden from him, but there's a resignation clinging to him that he can't shake off. He's not giving up, or out of fight just yet, but the temptation to just lie down and stop is stronger than ever.
Having Jesse here helps; he won't have her thinking it doesn't. It's just the lure and enticement of the Dark Presence is persistent. His eyes close for a moment when her fingers brush against his beard. For some reason, he likes the feeling of that touch, although she could touch his arms or hands and he'd have the same reaction.
If Alan knew what Jesse was thinking, he would say he feels like less of a main role, and more like someone being pushed along or steered in certain directions because it's what the story wants. Maybe he fought more in the beginning, but now it feels to him that he's stuck in a current that's taking him wherever it wants to go. He knows he needs to remember how to swim, but he's starting to forget even that. ]
I want to believe I have it. To know I have it. [ His expression darkens, but it's coming from him, not the darkness in his mind. ] Screw this story and this darkness. It's trying to take everything from me. [ Frustration and a very thinly veiled burst of anger and determination sounds in Alan's voice.
He relaxes again when Jesse kisses him. She's always had that effect on him, even in their more emotionally charged and passionate moments that he barely remembers. She grounds him, calms him when he's spiraling. Now is no different.
The light flares again in Alan's mind, somewhat like a flickering lightbulb that isn't quite ready to burn out. Polaris' resonance is still working for now. As long as Alan can hold onto it, maybe the light won't burn out again. ]