[ Even now, even though he can't know what's on her mind, Alan rejects that idea soundly. No one needs to be hurt by the story any more than they already have been. Jesse might be resigned to sustaining injuries in the effort to beat the story and bring it to an end, but Alan is anything but resigned to that. He can't forget what it was like reading those words on the page and having it sink in just what Scratch did to her. Even in the loops where he shouldn't remember that, somehow, it still exists as a terrible sinking feeling of dread that he can't get rid of.
Alan feels the darkness trying to drag him under; it feels like a cold hand grabbing at him, trying to pull him away. This won't ever end, will it? I'll never be completely awake. Clear-headed. It'll always find a way to get me. Even if I find a way to end the story, will it always be able to find me?
Jesse might be determined to pull him from the clutches of the Dark Presence, but in Alan's mind, the Dark Presence is even more determined to keep him there. Even when the feeling of being dragged under fades, Alan still feels that cold touch on his back, like the imprint of the Dark Presence is still there. Maybe it'll always be there. ]
Maybe more people should be outliers. Maybe more people should be like you. [ If I'd met her before I met Alice... yeah, I know that's a weird thought. But I would've- Never mind.
There is a secondary meaning. He wants a life with her. He wants things that he shouldn't remember wanting, or talking with her about wanting. There were things they talked about, but he can't remember them. So all he can say is that he wants to come home to her.
His head shifts lightly in her hold, leaning a little bit more against her hands. He moves closer to her when she pulls him in, and when she moves closer to him, he smiles. It's a small smile, but a smile nonetheless. ]
The story- the Dark Presence wants me to think I don't have one. I don't have a home. Even if I get out, I'll always just dive right back in. [ It took him some time to realize it, but the Dark Presence is enticing, a master of deception. It wants to lure Alan back in. It has lured him back in. Whenever he goes too far, it finds a way to pull him back. It preys on his fears and insecurities and uses those against him. ]
It wants me to forget that I ever had a home. But I did, at least once, before all this. An apartment, with Alice.
[ He finds it hard to picture it now, and he doesn't remember visiting a version of it several times in the New York of the Dark Place. ]
I want it. No, I need it. I need to come home. [ I'm tired of always drifting. Drowning. I don't want to be lost anymore.
The story fights him even as he tries to push past it, to take that step. To cross the threshold and join her again. He reaches for her with one hand, although she's not that far away from him, but the darkness lingering in his mind is trying to throw up a wall between them. Trying to keep them apart. ]
...stop it. Just stop it. I'm- I want to come home. [ Again, the words aren't directed at her. They're directed at the monsters in his head that want to keep him trapped. ]
I don't want to be a character. I won't be a character anymore.
[ Alan takes a deep breath, and he takes that step. It won't set him free, but it's a step closer to him finally coming home. His lips press deeply against hers, his hunger and need for her all too plain on his face. ]
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Alan feels the darkness trying to drag him under; it feels like a cold hand grabbing at him, trying to pull him away. This won't ever end, will it? I'll never be completely awake. Clear-headed. It'll always find a way to get me. Even if I find a way to end the story, will it always be able to find me?
Jesse might be determined to pull him from the clutches of the Dark Presence, but in Alan's mind, the Dark Presence is even more determined to keep him there. Even when the feeling of being dragged under fades, Alan still feels that cold touch on his back, like the imprint of the Dark Presence is still there. Maybe it'll always be there. ]
Maybe more people should be outliers. Maybe more people should be like you. [ If I'd met her before I met Alice... yeah, I know that's a weird thought. But I would've- Never mind.
There is a secondary meaning. He wants a life with her. He wants things that he shouldn't remember wanting, or talking with her about wanting. There were things they talked about, but he can't remember them. So all he can say is that he wants to come home to her.
His head shifts lightly in her hold, leaning a little bit more against her hands. He moves closer to her when she pulls him in, and when she moves closer to him, he smiles. It's a small smile, but a smile nonetheless. ]
The story- the Dark Presence wants me to think I don't have one. I don't have a home. Even if I get out, I'll always just dive right back in. [ It took him some time to realize it, but the Dark Presence is enticing, a master of deception. It wants to lure Alan back in. It has lured him back in. Whenever he goes too far, it finds a way to pull him back. It preys on his fears and insecurities and uses those against him. ]
It wants me to forget that I ever had a home. But I did, at least once, before all this. An apartment, with Alice.
[ He finds it hard to picture it now, and he doesn't remember visiting a version of it several times in the New York of the Dark Place. ]
I want it. No, I need it. I need to come home. [ I'm tired of always drifting. Drowning. I don't want to be lost anymore.
The story fights him even as he tries to push past it, to take that step. To cross the threshold and join her again. He reaches for her with one hand, although she's not that far away from him, but the darkness lingering in his mind is trying to throw up a wall between them. Trying to keep them apart. ]
...stop it. Just stop it. I'm- I want to come home. [ Again, the words aren't directed at her. They're directed at the monsters in his head that want to keep him trapped. ]
I don't want to be a character. I won't be a character anymore.
[ Alan takes a deep breath, and he takes that step. It won't set him free, but it's a step closer to him finally coming home. His lips press deeply against hers, his hunger and need for her all too plain on his face. ]