What if I said that I don't know? How am I supposed to know the ending when I don't even really know what the next step is? I want an ending, a resolution to all this, but how can I know that when I'm still at the beginning? I don't- I guess I don't understand.
[ He's not sure he understands what his reasons are or should be for continuing to fight. He's not asking to see the ending or be told about it, because that's obviously not how any of this is supposed to work, but why should he keep going? Should he keep going and hinge his hopes on finding something new with his version of Jesse? Or is he supposed to discover his own reason for continuing the fight?
He figures he can't look to her for those answers, but he finds himself frustrated all the same... frustrated because he doesn't know what to do.
That sudden ripple of frustration shows on Alan's face and his hands clench briefly into fists. ]
What am I supposed to do to avoid that happening to me? To us? I wish I could do something to change what's happened to you, to the me that you know, but- [ Simply put, Alan just feels powerless. ]
More than friends, huh? [ In spite of himself, in spite of his frustration, ALan grins. ]
Did he sweep you off your feet with just the right words? [ The question is a genuine one, not a tease or said with sarcasm. Obviously the Alan she knows is still him, so they're bound to share some similarities. ] Then again, I have no idea what was going on when the two of you met, so maybe it wasn't like that at all.
[ Still, Polaris isn't the only one who's amused. ]
Well, at least it makes sense to someone. [ He raises an eyebrow in return, at the mention of how the other version of himself views the books they've written. ] I don't know if I'd say I hate them. They're just not the great, riveting creative work that I wanted them to be.
[ His gaze drops just slightly then, as he feels she's hit the nail on the head. He doesn't believe in his own works either, much less his abilities. But then he goes right back to making eye contact with her once more. ]
As long as someone's entertained by them, that's all I need, really. Even if it's only one person, that's what counts. I think that's what counts, anyway. It might not bring in all the royalties and fund a private yacht or something- not that I want one of those. But that's why I started writing, to entertain.
[ And because he felt like he had stories he could tell. ]
So... if you had a choice, if you'd met your Alan at the start of this, would you have stuck with him the whole way? If you could?
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[ He's not sure he understands what his reasons are or should be for continuing to fight. He's not asking to see the ending or be told about it, because that's obviously not how any of this is supposed to work, but why should he keep going? Should he keep going and hinge his hopes on finding something new with his version of Jesse? Or is he supposed to discover his own reason for continuing the fight?
He figures he can't look to her for those answers, but he finds himself frustrated all the same... frustrated because he doesn't know what to do.
That sudden ripple of frustration shows on Alan's face and his hands clench briefly into fists. ]
What am I supposed to do to avoid that happening to me? To us? I wish I could do something to change what's happened to you, to the me that you know, but- [ Simply put, Alan just feels powerless. ]
More than friends, huh? [ In spite of himself, in spite of his frustration, ALan grins. ]
Did he sweep you off your feet with just the right words? [ The question is a genuine one, not a tease or said with sarcasm. Obviously the Alan she knows is still him, so they're bound to share some similarities. ] Then again, I have no idea what was going on when the two of you met, so maybe it wasn't like that at all.
[ Still, Polaris isn't the only one who's amused. ]
Well, at least it makes sense to someone. [ He raises an eyebrow in return, at the mention of how the other version of himself views the books they've written. ] I don't know if I'd say I hate them. They're just not the great, riveting creative work that I wanted them to be.
[ His gaze drops just slightly then, as he feels she's hit the nail on the head. He doesn't believe in his own works either, much less his abilities. But then he goes right back to making eye contact with her once more. ]
As long as someone's entertained by them, that's all I need, really. Even if it's only one person, that's what counts. I think that's what counts, anyway. It might not bring in all the royalties and fund a private yacht or something- not that I want one of those. But that's why I started writing, to entertain.
[ And because he felt like he had stories he could tell. ]
So... if you had a choice, if you'd met your Alan at the start of this, would you have stuck with him the whole way? If you could?