[ It's not the same kind of drowning feeling that his other, older self has known. It's just the beginning of it for this Alan, but he still feels like water is splashing up against him even though he can't really begin to understand why.
Where am I? What happened? I remember Jesse being there, and a scream, and I was running... and why do I feel like I'm just falling? How did I get here?
Too late, he moves to place his hand against hers, but she's already curled her hand away from his and lowered it. He just stays there with his hand partially outstretched, but after a second, he lowers it as well. If he'd just paid more attention and moved his hand quicker- never mind. It's not important.
He might not be an expert at reading Jesse just yet, but he thinks he can tell she's carrying a weight of her own, something that's causing her grief and no small amount of upset. He might not be "her" Alan, but he feels a compelling need to try and help somehow. Maybe there's nothing he can do. Maybe his other self has to do it all. But that doesn't turn off that urge to do something. ]
The pages? Yeah, I- I don't understand them, but I'm following them. Kind of. I thought I was on the right track, but then... the kidnapper wasn't a kidnapper and he didn't have Alice or know where she was. [ He raises a hand then and grips his hair tightly. ] I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. Is there any point to this? I don't feel like I have control over anything, not even the story.
[ That look on her face and in her eyes might have disappeared as quickly as it came, but Alan still saw it, and he feels a sudden ache that he can't explain either. ]
Are you sure you're okay? Because you... you don't look it. [ He's realizing that he's not okay either, because if he's just reading between the lines of what she's saying, whatever's happened to the Alan she knows is bad. Really bad. And what's stopping what happened to that Alan from happening to him?
Could this be a glimpse at his future? Or what if the timelines diverge and things don't end up happening the same way? Who knows? Alan certainly doesn't. ]
How long is awhile? And your friend... your guide. She's still with you, then. [ Why wouldn't she be? Alan can already tell that Jesse and her friend are all but permanently entangled, in the best way. He might not even realize it himself, but he's begun to notice how Jesse pauses at times and goes quiet, but she's not absent. Not drifting. She's talking to her friend. This Jesse does it too.
How different are events going to be for me and this other Alan? ]
You're not giving up, are you? I- It's obviously not my place, but- I think you have to keep trying to bring him home. I don't know how I know that.
[ Alan's expression briefly clouds. ]
I don't know what to believe anymore. I thought that Alice had been kidnapped and I was going to find her and free her, but- if she never was kidnapped, then does she need my help at all? Is she even really in this story?
[ His hand curls too then, the hand that's not still gripping his hair. ]
no subject
Where am I? What happened? I remember Jesse being there, and a scream, and I was running... and why do I feel like I'm just falling? How did I get here?
Too late, he moves to place his hand against hers, but she's already curled her hand away from his and lowered it. He just stays there with his hand partially outstretched, but after a second, he lowers it as well. If he'd just paid more attention and moved his hand quicker- never mind. It's not important.
He might not be an expert at reading Jesse just yet, but he thinks he can tell she's carrying a weight of her own, something that's causing her grief and no small amount of upset. He might not be "her" Alan, but he feels a compelling need to try and help somehow. Maybe there's nothing he can do. Maybe his other self has to do it all. But that doesn't turn off that urge to do something. ]
The pages? Yeah, I- I don't understand them, but I'm following them. Kind of. I thought I was on the right track, but then... the kidnapper wasn't a kidnapper and he didn't have Alice or know where she was. [ He raises a hand then and grips his hair tightly. ] I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. Is there any point to this? I don't feel like I have control over anything, not even the story.
[ That look on her face and in her eyes might have disappeared as quickly as it came, but Alan still saw it, and he feels a sudden ache that he can't explain either. ]
Are you sure you're okay? Because you... you don't look it. [ He's realizing that he's not okay either, because if he's just reading between the lines of what she's saying, whatever's happened to the Alan she knows is bad. Really bad. And what's stopping what happened to that Alan from happening to him?
Could this be a glimpse at his future? Or what if the timelines diverge and things don't end up happening the same way? Who knows? Alan certainly doesn't. ]
How long is awhile? And your friend... your guide. She's still with you, then. [ Why wouldn't she be? Alan can already tell that Jesse and her friend are all but permanently entangled, in the best way. He might not even realize it himself, but he's begun to notice how Jesse pauses at times and goes quiet, but she's not absent. Not drifting. She's talking to her friend. This Jesse does it too.
How different are events going to be for me and this other Alan? ]
You're not giving up, are you? I- It's obviously not my place, but- I think you have to keep trying to bring him home. I don't know how I know that.
[ Alan's expression briefly clouds. ]
I don't know what to believe anymore. I thought that Alice had been kidnapped and I was going to find her and free her, but- if she never was kidnapped, then does she need my help at all? Is she even really in this story?
[ His hand curls too then, the hand that's not still gripping his hair. ]
I don't know what to think.