[ Jesse falls quiet as the younger Alan begins what feels like a long string of consciousness all at once. She glances down at his remarks of feeling as if he's drowning. A small frown appears on her face for a brief moment; so brief that if he'd miss it if he wasn't looking at her.
« He already feels that way? Was it something that happened back in 2010 and just continued to happen...? I don't think I could ask my Alan. He's lost so many memories... »
The hand she had extended out to him curls slightly. Then, she lowers it.
« Wait, what? It was going to be his home? »
She nods to his last statements. Good. She knows herself better than anyone. If that pull is between this version of her and Alan? The younger her won't leave. Especially with how Jesse remembers things being for her in 2010. Maybe things are different for the younger her, but, she doubts it. Her instincts tell her that his Jesse is still on a similar path.
Hee gaze drops and she looks to the side at his last question. She's doing horrible and pretending it's fine. ]
You have those manuscript pages still, right? Use them as a guide. It'll tell you where the story is going and what will happen. But, because you know, you can start pushing it to change in places. [ A shrug. ] At least, it's worked for me in this story. It's taken... what feels like a long time to get it right. But, I know the story you're in is different. You have more control over it.
[ As for her? It's obvious, even with how guarded this Jesse is, that she is far from doing well. She can't tell him certain things. Most things. Though, in her gaze that refuses to look up at him, he will most likely see the loneliness and pain in her gaze.
Then, it's gone.
Locked back inside.
« This Alan doesn't need to know. My Alan--the one we know. He can't know either. Otherwise... he'll just stop. Can I even call him "my Alan"? Being here... it's been his goal for so long to get back to this apartment. Alice might be dead in our reality, but she"s still here. Guiding him. I don't--I don't want us just to be replacements or stand ins for that. »
Her gaze quickly shifts back th the photographs.
« I'm never going to be the kind of person Alice was for him. It's why we can't change the course of the story. I'm not that person. We're not the hero Alan needs to change it. We're here just to guide him along to that point--maybe it's the same for this Alan. Like a passing star in the night.
God. I hope the me he knows never feels this way. » ]
It's been a while since the last time I saw him. [ Her voice is oddly quiet then, almost withdrawn but somehow lonely feeling as well. ] We've--my friend and I--have been trying to find a way to bring him home. I'm not sure we're going to. That's someone else's role in the story.
[ « That's it. The rest stays locked inside. Not even the Alan we know can see it. »
She looks back up at him. ]
I'm sure Alice is waiting for you. Here, I mean. Back home. [ She forces a small smile for him. The hand she had extended out curls slightly at her side. ] If Alice is involved in the story? She'll need your help.
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« He already feels that way? Was it something that happened back in 2010 and just continued to happen...? I don't think I could ask my Alan. He's lost so many memories... »
The hand she had extended out to him curls slightly. Then, she lowers it.
« Wait, what? It was going to be his home? »
She nods to his last statements. Good. She knows herself better than anyone. If that pull is between this version of her and Alan? The younger her won't leave. Especially with how Jesse remembers things being for her in 2010. Maybe things are different for the younger her, but, she doubts it. Her instincts tell her that his Jesse is still on a similar path.
Hee gaze drops and she looks to the side at his last question. She's doing horrible and pretending it's fine. ]
You have those manuscript pages still, right? Use them as a guide. It'll tell you where the story is going and what will happen. But, because you know, you can start pushing it to change in places. [ A shrug. ] At least, it's worked for me in this story. It's taken... what feels like a long time to get it right. But, I know the story you're in is different. You have more control over it.
[ As for her? It's obvious, even with how guarded this Jesse is, that she is far from doing well. She can't tell him certain things. Most things. Though, in her gaze that refuses to look up at him, he will most likely see the loneliness and pain in her gaze.
Then, it's gone.
Locked back inside.
« This Alan doesn't need to know. My Alan--the one we know. He can't know either. Otherwise... he'll just stop. Can I even call him "my Alan"? Being here... it's been his goal for so long to get back to this apartment. Alice might be dead in our reality, but she"s still here. Guiding him. I don't--I don't want us just to be replacements or stand ins for that. »
Her gaze quickly shifts back th the photographs.
« I'm never going to be the kind of person Alice was for him. It's why we can't change the course of the story. I'm not that person. We're not the hero Alan needs to change it. We're here just to guide him along to that point--maybe it's the same for this Alan. Like a passing star in the night.
God. I hope the me he knows never feels this way. » ]
It's been a while since the last time I saw him. [ Her voice is oddly quiet then, almost withdrawn but somehow lonely feeling as well. ] We've--my friend and I--have been trying to find a way to bring him home. I'm not sure we're going to. That's someone else's role in the story.
[ « That's it. The rest stays locked inside. Not even the Alan we know can see it. »
She looks back up at him. ]
I'm sure Alice is waiting for you. Here, I mean. Back home. [ She forces a small smile for him. The hand she had extended out curls slightly at her side. ] If Alice is involved in the story? She'll need your help.