[ Truthfully, Alan feels the exact opposite of grounded at the moment. Well, doing something as normal yet still exhilarating as touching and kissing Jesse is giving him something to focus on. Maybe by focusing his attentions on someone else, it helps him feel less like he's drifting in the wind... or the waves. But lest Jesse think he's only using her for personal gain, that's not at all how Alan's viewing this. He feels an attachment, a pull, something that's stirring up a feeling that he needs to make this good for both of them. It's not a fling, not the acting out of an almost divorced man.
It's real. ]
I've had bad dreams, and those... well, they were nothing compared to this. And something tells me I haven't even really seen anything yet. I don't think I could just write this off as a nightmare. [ He doesn't take her questions as prying or as accusations, because he's had his share of those and he knows how to recognize that tone: that tone that's missing from Jesse's words. ]
Well, I'm getting close to you, but if this is uncomfortable or you don't like it or just need space, I'll back off. [ He has moments of being an asshole, but he's not really about forcing himself on someone who either doesn't want it or needs the space to breathe.
But it looks to him that she is enjoying his touches and being held, so for now, he doesn't pull back. Truthfully, he wants to keep going, to show her how he feels, to dispel any doubts she might have, if any at all. She kisses him and he instantly returns the gesture by pressing his lips deeply against hers, and when he pulls back just a fraction, tracing the outline of her lips with his tongue. Maybe it's too bold of a gesture but it feels right. ]
I know I can't. We might be having problems, but I- I can't just leave her. [ There's still a small part of him that's still in love with her, but the writing's on the wall, as far as he can tell. They're two very different people, and even though he'd try for reconciliation, he's not sure it would do either of them any good. ] I have to save her, and then... and then she can go after the life she wants, however that ends up looking for her.
[ Maybe he could start a new life with Jesse, if she wanted to let him in. Of course, Alan has no expectations about that; maybe to Jesse, this is just something temporary. Something to distract herself for a little while before she focuses back on reality: a reality that doesn't include a somewhat famous author. ]
We'll both make it happen. [ Alan's tone sounds suddenly resolute, and he gives a firm nod. ]
When did you want to leave? [ Alan feels a nudge then, as if telling him that whether they walk or drive to their next destination, he wants to do it holding her hand, even if he has to drive one-handed. ]
no subject
It's real. ]
I've had bad dreams, and those... well, they were nothing compared to this. And something tells me I haven't even really seen anything yet. I don't think I could just write this off as a nightmare. [ He doesn't take her questions as prying or as accusations, because he's had his share of those and he knows how to recognize that tone: that tone that's missing from Jesse's words. ]
Well, I'm getting close to you, but if this is uncomfortable or you don't like it or just need space, I'll back off. [ He has moments of being an asshole, but he's not really about forcing himself on someone who either doesn't want it or needs the space to breathe.
But it looks to him that she is enjoying his touches and being held, so for now, he doesn't pull back. Truthfully, he wants to keep going, to show her how he feels, to dispel any doubts she might have, if any at all. She kisses him and he instantly returns the gesture by pressing his lips deeply against hers, and when he pulls back just a fraction, tracing the outline of her lips with his tongue. Maybe it's too bold of a gesture but it feels right. ]
I know I can't. We might be having problems, but I- I can't just leave her. [ There's still a small part of him that's still in love with her, but the writing's on the wall, as far as he can tell. They're two very different people, and even though he'd try for reconciliation, he's not sure it would do either of them any good. ] I have to save her, and then... and then she can go after the life she wants, however that ends up looking for her.
[ Maybe he could start a new life with Jesse, if she wanted to let him in. Of course, Alan has no expectations about that; maybe to Jesse, this is just something temporary. Something to distract herself for a little while before she focuses back on reality: a reality that doesn't include a somewhat famous author. ]
We'll both make it happen. [ Alan's tone sounds suddenly resolute, and he gives a firm nod. ]
When did you want to leave? [ Alan feels a nudge then, as if telling him that whether they walk or drive to their next destination, he wants to do it holding her hand, even if he has to drive one-handed. ]