[ Part of the issue is, Alan feels that if the story doesn't end, if he stays trapped in it forever, he won't get what he wants for himself, but then maybe he can steer it in such a way that no one else gets hurt by it, except for himself. Of course, that's dependent on him mastering what he needs to master in order to gain the upper hand, but maybe he can figure that out if he works at it long enough.
But then the other issue remains with Jesse, because he's certain she won't let him go in order to make that happen. She won't accept him being trapped by the story forever.
He frowns briefly and he shakes his head once, temporarily dismissing that idea to the back of his mind. It's something to think about, but not right now. Right now, he just wants to think about them. He just wants to feel them coming together. He wants to feel Jesse as she reacts to his touches and kisses.
He never wants to stop touching her, never wants to be apart from her unless their respective responsibilities demand it. Even then, it's not a permanent parting. Then he knows that he can't ever go for the idea in the back of his mind. He can't have it both ways, after all. No, the story has to end. He needs it to end.
Then it hits him: what she needs is something she can hold onto, if she can remember this after this moment, this loop ends. He needs to make her his. He needs to be made hers. He's done this before, so he's not whole and untouched, but he's never done this with her. Well, he might have once in the loops, but the memory of it is hard to grab onto.
To make her his, he has to remove that last barrier, and with that in mind, he takes that plunge, that step that goes beyond intimate touches and crosses into the kind of connection that should signify commitment: a lasting commitment and bond. At least, that's what Alan hopes for, for the two of them. ]
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But then the other issue remains with Jesse, because he's certain she won't let him go in order to make that happen. She won't accept him being trapped by the story forever.
He frowns briefly and he shakes his head once, temporarily dismissing that idea to the back of his mind. It's something to think about, but not right now. Right now, he just wants to think about them. He just wants to feel them coming together. He wants to feel Jesse as she reacts to his touches and kisses.
He never wants to stop touching her, never wants to be apart from her unless their respective responsibilities demand it. Even then, it's not a permanent parting. Then he knows that he can't ever go for the idea in the back of his mind. He can't have it both ways, after all. No, the story has to end. He needs it to end.
Then it hits him: what she needs is something she can hold onto, if she can remember this after this moment, this loop ends. He needs to make her his. He needs to be made hers. He's done this before, so he's not whole and untouched, but he's never done this with her. Well, he might have once in the loops, but the memory of it is hard to grab onto.
To make her his, he has to remove that last barrier, and with that in mind, he takes that plunge, that step that goes beyond intimate touches and crosses into the kind of connection that should signify commitment: a lasting commitment and bond. At least, that's what Alan hopes for, for the two of them. ]