[ Maybe words are all he has, if he can't rely on actions to show her how much he hates everything about what he's being forced to do. She knows the story forces his hand, but is this the story or is this him? Either way, he knows it's not what she wants. It's not what he wants. And reading between the lines of Tim's words, the once-sheriff is following directions given to him by Alan himself, just at some point in the future.
That doesn't make Alan feel better about any of this. Maybe the truth of the matter is, he has neither words nor actions to use at his disposal. Didn't he say once that the words were gone, that he needed new words but couldn't find them? Maybe he's just been deluding himself this whole time, thinking that he could write the right words to fix the story and use both words and actions to tell Jesse that she's helping him along the way.
Maybe all he's been doing is stringing both of them along. Maybe there is no saving him. But there has to be, doesn't there? Why else would he have sent Tim with directions to do... soemthing? But what is that something? Alan as he is right now hasn't the slightest clue what that is. Maybe the paper Tim's holding will tell him. He'll probably hate it, but it has to have a purpose. Tim certainly seems to believe it does. ]
What is it? Why would I give it to you and tell you to come here now? [ Alan frowns and his eyebrows furrow. He always knew Jesse couldn't stay forever, but the timing of Tim's arrival is hardly desirable, even though he knows it's not the other man's fault. It's probably not even his future self's fault, although Alan wishes he could have waited just a little bit longer.
... Although, in reality, he would have always wanted just a little bit longer. ]
I can't see how the loops are going to end. I know the ending that I- that we want, but I don't- Will we ever get to that end?
[ When the darkness drags Alan away and then spits him back out, it really feels like he'll never see that ending. He believes in it, of course, but he's unsure if he'll ever see it. ]
Jesse- [ He says her name too, echoing Tim unwittingly, but he breaks off before he can say more. Her resolve to stay with him, to not leave him in the dark... it hits Alan like a ton of bricks. He's fought so long, but he hasn't been alone. Jesse and Tim have both helped him countless times along the way, and he doesn't feel like he's alone.
But he has a feeling that if Tim takes Jesse now, he might not see her again for a long time. He won't be alone, because he'll have the memory of them, unless the Dark Presence rips it away from him again, but the writer's room will be quiet. Quiet except for the sound of his typing and his pacing the floorboards. They'll be gone.
Maybe it's for the best, though. The Dark Place isn't safe for anyone. It's not safe for him, but it's definitely not safe for either of them. It would be selfish of him to ask Jesse to stay. He won't ask that, not ever. He'll come home to her, one day, but he won't ask her to stay here with him.
Alan freezes when he hears the sound at the door. He knows what it means, and he knows what's coming. They don't need to be here to see it. If they're here when it's over, they'll be in danger. His hand clenches into a fist as he watches the two people he cares about most around here, the only friendly faces he's seen, other than Ahti the janitor. They have to go before this place tears into them too. ]
I'll keep it safe, Tim. You- you should go. [ Alan's voice wavers and he seems to pale visibly, but he doesn't react more than that. ] Jesse, I...
[ That breaking sensation only grows worse, but there's nothing he can do about it. He watches Tim wrap his arms around her, watches her pushing against him trying to break free. He knows she can't, not this time.
He raises a hand to reach for her, to maybe touch her one last time, but he's too far away, and... and just like that, Tim and Jesse vanish as if they were never there. The page that Tim dropped is still where it fell, but Alan hasn't moved to pick it up yet.
Alan's hand falls to his side, and he just stands there staring motionless at the place where his two friends were. ]
... Goodbye.
[ He says it to the empty room, and after a moment, knowing that eventually the scratching will stop and darkness itself will invade the room again, Alan grabs the page off the floor, crosses to the desk, and falls into the chair.
Alone again. His eyes scan the page, and a strange feeling of familiarity that does nothing to counter the sudden loneliness he feels takes hold of him as he reads the words written on it. ]
no subject
That doesn't make Alan feel better about any of this. Maybe the truth of the matter is, he has neither words nor actions to use at his disposal. Didn't he say once that the words were gone, that he needed new words but couldn't find them? Maybe he's just been deluding himself this whole time, thinking that he could write the right words to fix the story and use both words and actions to tell Jesse that she's helping him along the way.
Maybe all he's been doing is stringing both of them along. Maybe there is no saving him. But there has to be, doesn't there? Why else would he have sent Tim with directions to do... soemthing? But what is that something? Alan as he is right now hasn't the slightest clue what that is. Maybe the paper Tim's holding will tell him. He'll probably hate it, but it has to have a purpose. Tim certainly seems to believe it does. ]
What is it? Why would I give it to you and tell you to come here now? [ Alan frowns and his eyebrows furrow. He always knew Jesse couldn't stay forever, but the timing of Tim's arrival is hardly desirable, even though he knows it's not the other man's fault. It's probably not even his future self's fault, although Alan wishes he could have waited just a little bit longer.
... Although, in reality, he would have always wanted just a little bit longer. ]
I can't see how the loops are going to end. I know the ending that I- that we want, but I don't- Will we ever get to that end?
[ When the darkness drags Alan away and then spits him back out, it really feels like he'll never see that ending. He believes in it, of course, but he's unsure if he'll ever see it. ]
Jesse- [ He says her name too, echoing Tim unwittingly, but he breaks off before he can say more. Her resolve to stay with him, to not leave him in the dark... it hits Alan like a ton of bricks. He's fought so long, but he hasn't been alone. Jesse and Tim have both helped him countless times along the way, and he doesn't feel like he's alone.
But he has a feeling that if Tim takes Jesse now, he might not see her again for a long time. He won't be alone, because he'll have the memory of them, unless the Dark Presence rips it away from him again, but the writer's room will be quiet. Quiet except for the sound of his typing and his pacing the floorboards. They'll be gone.
Maybe it's for the best, though. The Dark Place isn't safe for anyone. It's not safe for him, but it's definitely not safe for either of them. It would be selfish of him to ask Jesse to stay. He won't ask that, not ever. He'll come home to her, one day, but he won't ask her to stay here with him.
Alan freezes when he hears the sound at the door. He knows what it means, and he knows what's coming. They don't need to be here to see it. If they're here when it's over, they'll be in danger. His hand clenches into a fist as he watches the two people he cares about most around here, the only friendly faces he's seen, other than Ahti the janitor. They have to go before this place tears into them too. ]
I'll keep it safe, Tim. You- you should go. [ Alan's voice wavers and he seems to pale visibly, but he doesn't react more than that. ] Jesse, I...
[ That breaking sensation only grows worse, but there's nothing he can do about it. He watches Tim wrap his arms around her, watches her pushing against him trying to break free. He knows she can't, not this time.
He raises a hand to reach for her, to maybe touch her one last time, but he's too far away, and... and just like that, Tim and Jesse vanish as if they were never there. The page that Tim dropped is still where it fell, but Alan hasn't moved to pick it up yet.
Alan's hand falls to his side, and he just stands there staring motionless at the place where his two friends were. ]
... Goodbye.
[ He says it to the empty room, and after a moment, knowing that eventually the scratching will stop and darkness itself will invade the room again, Alan grabs the page off the floor, crosses to the desk, and falls into the chair.
Alone again. His eyes scan the page, and a strange feeling of familiarity that does nothing to counter the sudden loneliness he feels takes hold of him as he reads the words written on it. ]