[ For once, Alan finds himself silent. What could he say that would make any of this better? He knows there's nothing, and so he says nothing. He shakes his head at Tim as if to say there's no need for apologies. Maybe he should be angry too, like he was angry at the mysterious voice on the payphone that kept jerking him around. This isn't like that. Whatever Tim's doing, it's not jerking him around. No, the only one jerking anyone around is him doing that to Jesse.
Her words slam into him, feeling like punches landing, but he doesn't flinch, at least not outwardly. His gaze falls, and his hands clench into fists, as if the action will further steel him in preparation for what's coming. He knows nothing could ever prepare him, but he has to at least try.
The storm in Jesse's eyes might as well be a real storm, as he feels the force of it slam against him too when she fixes her eyes on his. He has no arguments to give, because she's right. But Tim's also right. He's right in believing she can't stay forever, regardless of what he wants.
He finally speaks, and his tone is quiet. ] I'm being an asshole again, aren't I? I'm taking away your right to decide.
[ Even if it's not him in this moment making that decision. He's using what he's learned of this place and the way nothing about it is linear to tell him that the Tim in this room isn't the same Tim he keeps meeting in random places throughout the Dark Place. He can't know where exactly he's from, but he knows something. He knows more than Alan does at this exact moment.
Jesse finally turns to him, and he forces himself to keep meeting her gaze. ]
Jesse, you- You have helped me. [ Alan's tone somehow remains level, even though something inside him feels like it's breaking. And this time, he's not sure he can put it back together. ] You helped me even though I don't deserve it. I- [ He feels himself start to waver, but he doesn't want that to sound in his voice. Some of it leaks through anyway in spite of himself. ]
Do you think that I want to keep doing this? Keep calling you for help and then making you leave? I don't want you to go. [ It's just going to get harder, isn't it? If this keeps happening... maybe I should just stop. Not stop writing, but stop calling to her. Would that be better?
His hands shake with the effort it's taking him to remain as calm as he can be, even though everything inside him is anything but calm. His gaze shifts to Tim's for a moment. ]
I'm guessing you can't tell us what those instructions you were told are. [ Would it help her understand? Maybe not. But maybe it would. ]
no subject
Her words slam into him, feeling like punches landing, but he doesn't flinch, at least not outwardly. His gaze falls, and his hands clench into fists, as if the action will further steel him in preparation for what's coming. He knows nothing could ever prepare him, but he has to at least try.
The storm in Jesse's eyes might as well be a real storm, as he feels the force of it slam against him too when she fixes her eyes on his. He has no arguments to give, because she's right. But Tim's also right. He's right in believing she can't stay forever, regardless of what he wants.
He finally speaks, and his tone is quiet. ] I'm being an asshole again, aren't I? I'm taking away your right to decide.
[ Even if it's not him in this moment making that decision. He's using what he's learned of this place and the way nothing about it is linear to tell him that the Tim in this room isn't the same Tim he keeps meeting in random places throughout the Dark Place. He can't know where exactly he's from, but he knows something. He knows more than Alan does at this exact moment.
Jesse finally turns to him, and he forces himself to keep meeting her gaze. ]
Jesse, you- You have helped me. [ Alan's tone somehow remains level, even though something inside him feels like it's breaking. And this time, he's not sure he can put it back together. ] You helped me even though I don't deserve it. I- [ He feels himself start to waver, but he doesn't want that to sound in his voice. Some of it leaks through anyway in spite of himself. ]
Do you think that I want to keep doing this? Keep calling you for help and then making you leave? I don't want you to go. [ It's just going to get harder, isn't it? If this keeps happening... maybe I should just stop. Not stop writing, but stop calling to her. Would that be better?
His hands shake with the effort it's taking him to remain as calm as he can be, even though everything inside him is anything but calm. His gaze shifts to Tim's for a moment. ]
I'm guessing you can't tell us what those instructions you were told are. [ Would it help her understand? Maybe not. But maybe it would. ]