[ Maybe for Alan, being awake isn't really that different from being asleep. He's himself, and his mind is clear, but the constant stream of thoughts just doesn't want to stop. It's almost as though he just can't stop himself from thinking.
I'm awake, but I'm still lost. Still in the dark. But that shouldn't be a surprise. I'm not out, I'm just... myself. How long has it been since I could say that? It doesn't matter. What matters is that she woke me up. Jesse helped me wake up. That's what I need to focus on.
He can't explain the feeling that's stirring inside him, but it's a feeling of warmth, of being alive. The Dark Place is cold and harsh and completely devoid of warmth, but as Alan rests in the light, he feels himself starting to warm up a little at a time. Life is slowly coming back to him, and maybe it'll be stolen away from him again soon enough, but for right now, he's clinging stubbornly to it. ]
Jesse, stop. You're- [ He pauses, surprised at the sudden strength in his voice. It's not complete, as he's still very tired, but he sounds stronger than he did just a few minutes ago. ] You're everything. You're strong, and beautiful, and you don't have to be anything but you.
[ He loves the girl from Ordinary. He loves the girl who became the Director. But he knows he loves the girl the most. He loves Jesse, knowing that the titles, the powers, it's all part of her. It all makes up the girl from Ordinary who's anything but ordinary. But he likes it when he gets to see that girl, when she decides that she trusts him enough to let him see her. ]
I- [ If they're confessing things to each to each other, even if that's not what Jesse's intending to do here, there's only one thing Alan can say. He's listening to her, of course, hearing everything she's telling him. But he knows what he needs to say in return. ] I love you. I love when you let me see the you beneath the Director. I love you as the Director, but I love... I love you when you're being you.
[ He's aware that he's rambling, but he wants to emphasize the fact that he really loves who she is apart from the Director. Maybe the two parts of her are so closely intertwined now, but he thinks he can still see the difference.
The longer he talks, the stronger he feels. That feeling of hopelessness seems to be fading the more he talks. His eyes close too, but not because of exhaustion. Strangely, that seems to be fading to the background too as he slowly begins to feel more like himself.
His lips turn up into a smile as he feels her fingers curling against his beard. For reasons he hardly understands, he likes how that feels, to have her touching his face, his beard, wherever she decides to place her hands. ]
I'm not giving up. Maybe I was before, but- I won't. I'm not.
[ I have to remember this somehow. I don't want to go back to sleep. Will I remember this when she finally leaves? I don't care what I have to do, I need to remember this... Please let me remember this.
He leans into the kiss again, and he returns it, almost hungrily, with a feeling of need he didn't know he was capable of having. Maybe the deeper the kiss and the more they give into their passions, the better the odds are of him remembering this. Maybe. He hopes he manages to hold onto something from this, somehow. ]
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I'm awake, but I'm still lost. Still in the dark. But that shouldn't be a surprise. I'm not out, I'm just... myself. How long has it been since I could say that? It doesn't matter. What matters is that she woke me up. Jesse helped me wake up. That's what I need to focus on.
He can't explain the feeling that's stirring inside him, but it's a feeling of warmth, of being alive. The Dark Place is cold and harsh and completely devoid of warmth, but as Alan rests in the light, he feels himself starting to warm up a little at a time. Life is slowly coming back to him, and maybe it'll be stolen away from him again soon enough, but for right now, he's clinging stubbornly to it. ]
Jesse, stop. You're- [ He pauses, surprised at the sudden strength in his voice. It's not complete, as he's still very tired, but he sounds stronger than he did just a few minutes ago. ] You're everything. You're strong, and beautiful, and you don't have to be anything but you.
[ He loves the girl from Ordinary. He loves the girl who became the Director. But he knows he loves the girl the most. He loves Jesse, knowing that the titles, the powers, it's all part of her. It all makes up the girl from Ordinary who's anything but ordinary. But he likes it when he gets to see that girl, when she decides that she trusts him enough to let him see her. ]
I- [ If they're confessing things to each to each other, even if that's not what Jesse's intending to do here, there's only one thing Alan can say. He's listening to her, of course, hearing everything she's telling him. But he knows what he needs to say in return. ] I love you. I love when you let me see the you beneath the Director. I love you as the Director, but I love... I love you when you're being you.
[ He's aware that he's rambling, but he wants to emphasize the fact that he really loves who she is apart from the Director. Maybe the two parts of her are so closely intertwined now, but he thinks he can still see the difference.
The longer he talks, the stronger he feels. That feeling of hopelessness seems to be fading the more he talks. His eyes close too, but not because of exhaustion. Strangely, that seems to be fading to the background too as he slowly begins to feel more like himself.
His lips turn up into a smile as he feels her fingers curling against his beard. For reasons he hardly understands, he likes how that feels, to have her touching his face, his beard, wherever she decides to place her hands. ]
I'm not giving up. Maybe I was before, but- I won't. I'm not.
[ I have to remember this somehow. I don't want to go back to sleep. Will I remember this when she finally leaves? I don't care what I have to do, I need to remember this... Please let me remember this.
He leans into the kiss again, and he returns it, almost hungrily, with a feeling of need he didn't know he was capable of having. Maybe the deeper the kiss and the more they give into their passions, the better the odds are of him remembering this. Maybe. He hopes he manages to hold onto something from this, somehow. ]