Because it just is silly. I could understand being afraid of spiders, because they're creepy looking, or or thunder and lightning because it sounds scary, but- for most people, there's nothing in the dark. Your mind might play tricks on you and make you think monsters are hiding in your closet, but most of the time, there's nothing there. And before you say anything about the Dark Presence, you wouldn't know that's there either unless it made a point of showing itself. So yeah, it all sounds silly to me, even now.
Just because it so happens that the nightmares became real for me doesn't mean kid me wasn't silly. But, for what it's worth, thanks for never dismissing me as just some nutjob. I know I don't need to say it, and we've had this discussion, but- I just want you to know that I'm... Well, I'm grateful.
[ In ways that Alan can't quite explain, he feels as though he's his best self when he's with people like Jesse and Alice. Both of them highlighted his good side, and brought out what positive aspects he had. He doesn't feel like a very desirable person when left to his own devices, but something about them makes him want to be better. ]
I still wish that I had half of your confidence, though. [ He still can't envision a way out for himself, so maybe in a way, he still hasn't grasped that he's not facing this fight alone anymore. He has allies, but it hasn't fully registered. ]
I'd say that qualifies as dedication. Focus. Determination. Things you seem to have in spades. Polaris guiding you along the way probably helped.
[ It's only an observation on his part, although he has wondered before if his own journey would have turned out differently if he had someone like Polaris guiding him too. But there's very little point in wishing for it now, not when he's this far into said journey. Although he's not sure how much progress he's really made, given all the loops and everything else. ]
I know what you're saying, and I get it, but- he can't be me if he's dead. And if he's inside me, what's stopping him from just being killed like any other person? If he was distracted, if he didn't expect it, maybe he could be stopped for good.
[ It would have to be fast. It would have to be violent; a bullet to the head isn't good enough. Taking off the head? I can't suggest that to her, but that's the kind of drastic action I think it would take. I think that to stop Scratch for good, the way it happens has to be the kind that leaves no possibility of survival. Total destruction. But what if Scratch just went into someone else? Maybe an incinerator would do it. I'm definitely not telling her about that idea.
But the waves are coming back for Alan, intent on washing him away once more. He's no longer himself, not the Alan that loves her and wants to have a life with her. The Dark Presence is coming to life inside him, overwhelming everything that makes him who he is. With the Dark Presence in the driver's seat, he's no longer Alan Wake as Jesse knows him. He's carved out, empty. More of a vessel than a man. ]
The light? [ Alan's face twists into an expression that's unlike anything he normally wears. It's ugly, sarcastic, filled with disgust. ] The light can't break through this darkness. It can't even touch it. It's useless.
[ No, it's happening again. It's happening again..! It- I don't... this isn't what I want to happen. She can't see this. She can't be here-
Alan's desperate thoughts are cut off, drowned out by the darkness inside him. ]
Shut up. Just shut up. [ Alan's mouth moves, but it's not Alan saying those words. It's not Alan looking at Jesse with thinly veiled anger in his eyes. But Alan's not done; he hasn't given up full control to the Dark Presence. It's trying to wash him out, trying to control him, but he's trying to fight it off.
He's buried beneath the waves, drowning again, but he's still there. Still trying to claw his way back to the surface. His fingers curl against the flashlight that Jesse slidies into his hands. He knows what this object is, and he knows what it does.
I can use this to burn away the darkness. I've done it before. It works. It always works. But is it strong enough now? Am I strong enough?
The voice that's Jesse's but not Jesse's at the same time breaks through Alan's thoughts. If Jesse's watching close enough, there's no missing the immediate reaction that's two-fold. Alan's form gives a great jerk, as if the darkness inside him is recoiling away from that voice. But the person that's still Alan Wake stubbornly coils his fingers further around the flashlight.
Alan's mouth moves, but the words that come from it aren't his. ]
Darkness will drown out everything. It'll drown you out. It'll drown me out. Everything will become darkness. It's already started. It spreads from me through the cracks in the wall. You can't stop it. The light isn't shaping the darkness. The darkness is shaping YOU.
[ Alan's eyes have widened, his form stiff and rigid. This isn't right. I can't let this happen. I- I SAID SHUT UP. It seems that the ocean doesn't want Alan's words to be heard. He can't speak over the roar of the waves, but he can feel Jesse's presence. He can feel the way she presses her forehead against his. He's still in there somewhere, still trying to reach out even though he's being overwhelmed.
A muffled moan escapes Alan, and this time, it sounds more like the man himself and not the dark entity that's tearing him away. It's a power struggle, and the Dark Presence has most of the power. But Alan's not done yet. ]
I'm- I'm the Champion of Light. The torchbearer. I- Polaris is stronger than you. [ Alan's tone is quiet; it's almost barely audible. But it can still be heard in the silence that characterizes the writer's room. ]
The light is stronger than the darkness. Why? Because the light has allies. What do you have?
[ The Dark Presence doesn't like that, and it crashes the full force of its strength down on Alan. His back arches and his head tips back, but he doesn't let go of the flashlight. Still, the Dark Presence forcibly takes Alan over once more, using his mouth to form words. ]
You'll lose. You'll all lose. Your reality will be drowned. All will be drowned.
[ He registers Jesse pulling back from him, but he can still feel her hands on his. The Dark Presence is still using his mouth, and words flow from it in a confused, jumbled torrent. It's variations on the same thing: drowning the world in darkness. Drowning out all forms of life. Nothing is stronger than the darkness.
But the darkness hasn't counted on a little thing called willpower. Alan might not have much left, but he still has some. And what he doesn't have is bolstered by that resonance flowing into his hands and into the flashlight: a spring of light flowing from Polaris.
You won't win every time.
It's slow and barely noticeable, but Alan's fingers bend: slowly at first but gradually moving more and more. The skin of his fingers turns white as he presses against the switch on the flashlight. The Dark Presence is screaming insults in his mind, but he's ignoring all of them. He's trying to, anyway.
You won't win. Not this time.
At first, there's just silence. Stillness. Alan doesn't move. Only his fingers continue to press against the switch. And then there's a click, and the room is illuminated with a beam of light.
The switch has been pressed, and the flashlight has turned on. But the Dark Presence isn't done with Alan just yet. A primal roar echoes around the room, a sound ripped forcibly from Alan. It's not Alan making the sound, but it's his voice. And the voice is angry. Incensed. The flashlight was not supposed to turn on. The writer wasn't supposed to have the will to resist. ]
You'll pay for this. You'll pay.
[ It's a strange scene to behold, certainly. Alan's still holding onto the flashlight, still pressing against the switch even though the beam is still holding steady. But the expression on his face is one of rage. Rage directed at Jesse. At Polaris. At Alan himself. The light might be on, but the Dark Presence isn't letting go so easily. Not just yet. It still has Alan in its clutches. His eyes remain darkened and the look on his face is nothing like Alan's normal expression. It's definitely not how he normally looks at Jesse. No, the Dark Presence is still in control, and Alan is still washed away by the waves. ]
no subject
Just because it so happens that the nightmares became real for me doesn't mean kid me wasn't silly. But, for what it's worth, thanks for never dismissing me as just some nutjob. I know I don't need to say it, and we've had this discussion, but- I just want you to know that I'm... Well, I'm grateful.
[ In ways that Alan can't quite explain, he feels as though he's his best self when he's with people like Jesse and Alice. Both of them highlighted his good side, and brought out what positive aspects he had. He doesn't feel like a very desirable person when left to his own devices, but something about them makes him want to be better. ]
I still wish that I had half of your confidence, though. [ He still can't envision a way out for himself, so maybe in a way, he still hasn't grasped that he's not facing this fight alone anymore. He has allies, but it hasn't fully registered. ]
I'd say that qualifies as dedication. Focus. Determination. Things you seem to have in spades. Polaris guiding you along the way probably helped.
[ It's only an observation on his part, although he has wondered before if his own journey would have turned out differently if he had someone like Polaris guiding him too. But there's very little point in wishing for it now, not when he's this far into said journey. Although he's not sure how much progress he's really made, given all the loops and everything else. ]
I know what you're saying, and I get it, but- he can't be me if he's dead. And if he's inside me, what's stopping him from just being killed like any other person? If he was distracted, if he didn't expect it, maybe he could be stopped for good.
[ It would have to be fast. It would have to be violent; a bullet to the head isn't good enough. Taking off the head? I can't suggest that to her, but that's the kind of drastic action I think it would take. I think that to stop Scratch for good, the way it happens has to be the kind that leaves no possibility of survival. Total destruction. But what if Scratch just went into someone else? Maybe an incinerator would do it. I'm definitely not telling her about that idea.
But the waves are coming back for Alan, intent on washing him away once more. He's no longer himself, not the Alan that loves her and wants to have a life with her. The Dark Presence is coming to life inside him, overwhelming everything that makes him who he is. With the Dark Presence in the driver's seat, he's no longer Alan Wake as Jesse knows him. He's carved out, empty. More of a vessel than a man. ]
The light? [ Alan's face twists into an expression that's unlike anything he normally wears. It's ugly, sarcastic, filled with disgust. ] The light can't break through this darkness. It can't even touch it. It's useless.
[ No, it's happening again. It's happening again..! It- I don't... this isn't what I want to happen. She can't see this. She can't be here-
Alan's desperate thoughts are cut off, drowned out by the darkness inside him. ]
Shut up. Just shut up. [ Alan's mouth moves, but it's not Alan saying those words. It's not Alan looking at Jesse with thinly veiled anger in his eyes. But Alan's not done; he hasn't given up full control to the Dark Presence. It's trying to wash him out, trying to control him, but he's trying to fight it off.
He's buried beneath the waves, drowning again, but he's still there. Still trying to claw his way back to the surface. His fingers curl against the flashlight that Jesse slidies into his hands. He knows what this object is, and he knows what it does.
I can use this to burn away the darkness. I've done it before. It works. It always works. But is it strong enough now? Am I strong enough?
The voice that's Jesse's but not Jesse's at the same time breaks through Alan's thoughts. If Jesse's watching close enough, there's no missing the immediate reaction that's two-fold. Alan's form gives a great jerk, as if the darkness inside him is recoiling away from that voice. But the person that's still Alan Wake stubbornly coils his fingers further around the flashlight.
Alan's mouth moves, but the words that come from it aren't his. ]
Darkness will drown out everything. It'll drown you out. It'll drown me out. Everything will become darkness. It's already started. It spreads from me through the cracks in the wall. You can't stop it. The light isn't shaping the darkness. The darkness is shaping YOU.
[ Alan's eyes have widened, his form stiff and rigid. This isn't right. I can't let this happen. I- I SAID SHUT UP. It seems that the ocean doesn't want Alan's words to be heard. He can't speak over the roar of the waves, but he can feel Jesse's presence. He can feel the way she presses her forehead against his. He's still in there somewhere, still trying to reach out even though he's being overwhelmed.
A muffled moan escapes Alan, and this time, it sounds more like the man himself and not the dark entity that's tearing him away. It's a power struggle, and the Dark Presence has most of the power. But Alan's not done yet. ]
I'm- I'm the Champion of Light. The torchbearer. I- Polaris is stronger than you. [ Alan's tone is quiet; it's almost barely audible. But it can still be heard in the silence that characterizes the writer's room. ]
The light is stronger than the darkness. Why? Because the light has allies. What do you have?
[ The Dark Presence doesn't like that, and it crashes the full force of its strength down on Alan. His back arches and his head tips back, but he doesn't let go of the flashlight. Still, the Dark Presence forcibly takes Alan over once more, using his mouth to form words. ]
You'll lose. You'll all lose. Your reality will be drowned. All will be drowned.
[ He registers Jesse pulling back from him, but he can still feel her hands on his. The Dark Presence is still using his mouth, and words flow from it in a confused, jumbled torrent. It's variations on the same thing: drowning the world in darkness. Drowning out all forms of life. Nothing is stronger than the darkness.
But the darkness hasn't counted on a little thing called willpower. Alan might not have much left, but he still has some. And what he doesn't have is bolstered by that resonance flowing into his hands and into the flashlight: a spring of light flowing from Polaris.
You won't win every time.
It's slow and barely noticeable, but Alan's fingers bend: slowly at first but gradually moving more and more. The skin of his fingers turns white as he presses against the switch on the flashlight. The Dark Presence is screaming insults in his mind, but he's ignoring all of them. He's trying to, anyway.
You won't win. Not this time.
At first, there's just silence. Stillness. Alan doesn't move. Only his fingers continue to press against the switch. And then there's a click, and the room is illuminated with a beam of light.
The switch has been pressed, and the flashlight has turned on. But the Dark Presence isn't done with Alan just yet. A primal roar echoes around the room, a sound ripped forcibly from Alan. It's not Alan making the sound, but it's his voice. And the voice is angry. Incensed. The flashlight was not supposed to turn on. The writer wasn't supposed to have the will to resist. ]
You'll pay for this. You'll pay.
[ It's a strange scene to behold, certainly. Alan's still holding onto the flashlight, still pressing against the switch even though the beam is still holding steady. But the expression on his face is one of rage. Rage directed at Jesse. At Polaris. At Alan himself. The light might be on, but the Dark Presence isn't letting go so easily. Not just yet. It still has Alan in its clutches. His eyes remain darkened and the look on his face is nothing like Alan's normal expression. It's definitely not how he normally looks at Jesse. No, the Dark Presence is still in control, and Alan is still washed away by the waves. ]