Hang on a second. [ Alan pauses as he tries to search through the jumbled mess that is his mind, trying to recall a memory from long before Bright Falls, Cauldron Lake, and the Dark Place. It predates all of his adult life, but it's something formative nonetheless. ] Did I ever tell you that as a kid, I had really bad nightmares? I hated the dark. I was scared of it. When it got dark, that's when things came to life. Things no one wanted to see. But I had something I got from... well.
[ He shrugs lightly, figuring this might sound weird to her. Embarrassing, even. And it might bring up unwanted memories of the family she lost. But it's something he feels is important, something he hasn't yet told her. ]
My mom gave me something: an old light switch. It was just a story she told me, but it made me feel better. It made the darkness not as terrifying. The light switch- the clicker could drive away the darkness. [ He shakes his head. ] A stupid idea for a stupid kid who couldn't sleep at night.
[ But it meant something to him as a kid, and it still means something to him now. ]
So, I mean to say: if I believed that a light switch could send the darkness away, I think I could believe you. But maybe that's not saying much about me.
[ I guess now that I think about it, I was a little messed up even back then, even as a kid. Maybe that's something we have in common. Maybe. Or maybe I'm just the crazy one in this equation. Maybe my crazy predates her crazy. Except I don't think she's really crazy, so... Yeah. Whatever. ]
Rock and roll, huh? [ He tilts his head to one side at that, wondering what she means. ] You're not secretly a rocker, are you? [ He already had the thought once that getting to know Jesse is like peeling away the layers of an onion. He's certain there's things he still doesn't know about her, just like there's things she doesn't yet know about him. ] I could see you liking Nirvana.
[ Or maybe she'd hate Nirvana, but it was the first band that popped into his head. When was the last time he even thought about something as normal as just listening to music? He already knows he can't remember. ]
What are you thinking right now? [ Maybe it's only in his head, but he thinks he can see something like an unsettled expression showing on her face. ] Is something wrong?
[ It's faint, but he can feel that resonance from Polaris shifting, growing... but why? He doesn't hesitate to squeeze her hands in return. And even when her grip tightens, he doesn't pull away. If she needs to hold onto his hands to ground herself, then of course he'll let her. How many times has he held onto her hands in order to do the same thing? They help each other as best as they can. ]
It's not taking you from me either. Nothing is. Not the Dark Presence, not Scratch, not anything. I'll fight it, even if I get so tired, I can't even stand up. I'll still fight it until- [ Maybe saying that is too dramatic, even for me. Too metaphorical, or something like that. ]
I'll fight to keep you with me. I'll fight to stay with you. [ It can try to wash me out. I'll fight back. ]
You're mine too. [ He wouldn't have ever said that so plainly if not for the fact that they both seem to know it's true. They found each other, and neither of them wants to let the other go. ] I won't let go.
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[ He shrugs lightly, figuring this might sound weird to her. Embarrassing, even. And it might bring up unwanted memories of the family she lost. But it's something he feels is important, something he hasn't yet told her. ]
My mom gave me something: an old light switch. It was just a story she told me, but it made me feel better. It made the darkness not as terrifying. The light switch- the clicker could drive away the darkness. [ He shakes his head. ] A stupid idea for a stupid kid who couldn't sleep at night.
[ But it meant something to him as a kid, and it still means something to him now. ]
So, I mean to say: if I believed that a light switch could send the darkness away, I think I could believe you. But maybe that's not saying much about me.
[ I guess now that I think about it, I was a little messed up even back then, even as a kid. Maybe that's something we have in common. Maybe. Or maybe I'm just the crazy one in this equation. Maybe my crazy predates her crazy. Except I don't think she's really crazy, so... Yeah. Whatever. ]
Rock and roll, huh? [ He tilts his head to one side at that, wondering what she means. ] You're not secretly a rocker, are you? [ He already had the thought once that getting to know Jesse is like peeling away the layers of an onion. He's certain there's things he still doesn't know about her, just like there's things she doesn't yet know about him. ] I could see you liking Nirvana.
[ Or maybe she'd hate Nirvana, but it was the first band that popped into his head. When was the last time he even thought about something as normal as just listening to music? He already knows he can't remember. ]
What are you thinking right now? [ Maybe it's only in his head, but he thinks he can see something like an unsettled expression showing on her face. ] Is something wrong?
[ It's faint, but he can feel that resonance from Polaris shifting, growing... but why? He doesn't hesitate to squeeze her hands in return. And even when her grip tightens, he doesn't pull away. If she needs to hold onto his hands to ground herself, then of course he'll let her. How many times has he held onto her hands in order to do the same thing? They help each other as best as they can. ]
It's not taking you from me either. Nothing is. Not the Dark Presence, not Scratch, not anything. I'll fight it, even if I get so tired, I can't even stand up. I'll still fight it until- [ Maybe saying that is too dramatic, even for me. Too metaphorical, or something like that. ]
I'll fight to keep you with me. I'll fight to stay with you. [ It can try to wash me out. I'll fight back. ]
You're mine too. [ He wouldn't have ever said that so plainly if not for the fact that they both seem to know it's true. They found each other, and neither of them wants to let the other go. ] I won't let go.