And you would have liked me? The press exaggerated the facts a lot of the time, but there's no changing the fact that I was an asshole who always went too far. [ The drinking, the partying, the experimenting in things that were definitely not legal... I don't miss that side of me, but if she'd met me then, she would've looked the other way too. ]
I'd say that the person living on the streets looks better than the person going to wild parties and assaulting paparazzi.
[ But logically, she's right. Back then, they would have had no reason to look at each other, much less stop when passing each other on the street. If they did.
It's not difficult for him to see now that he's gained some perspective that he was a highly unlikable person at his worst moments. Maybe he still is even now. All of his problems originated with himself, not with anyone else. He couldn't blame anyone else for how he turned out or for the choices he made. Even this mess with loops and stories and edits started with him. Everyone who got dragged in was dragged in because of him. It really is my fault. But I've had enough of pity parties. I'll fix it, if I can just find the right way.
Her eyes lock onto his again, and so he focuses his own back on her. ]
I know. I just thought that maybe if I told you that enough, that if I gave you... not permission, because you don't need anyone's permission. If I told you that it's all right if you leave, maybe it would make it easier. Better. But I know better than that, now. [ He shakes his head slowly. ] It's not hard to believe, because I know you. But it is hard for me to believe that anyone would go to these lengths to remember me. You and Alice are the only ones. [ And Barry. But I don't even know where Barry is.
He watches as her demeanor seems to shift. She's sliding back into being the Director. He knows that he much prefers the not so ordinary girl to the contained, controlled Director, but there are times when they have to slide into certain roles. She's just better at it than he is.
His eyes briefly close when her hands slide against his face. He likes it when she touches him: hands, arms, face, it's all something that he likes. He likes her hands too, for reasons he's still figuring out. Maybe it's because there's strength in those hands. Strength, capability, control... All things he doesn't have very much of anymore. ]
Yeah, I guess it does. But in case you wondered, suits are really uncomfortable. [ A part of him feels uncomfortable wearing them, but a hoodie or flannel wouldn't be received well on a talk show or book tour.
He presses his forehead against hers in return, an almost habitual gesture. It's just something the two of them do, and it feels right. ]
Initiation, it's the step in between departure and return. The... [ He has to stop and think about it. He had this conceptualized in his head once, but that was before writer's block set in and he ended up in Cauldron Lake with everything spinning out of his control. ]
The hero's journey. It's another one that I don't remember writing, but you probably knew that already.
[ His eyes slide closed again as the feeling of helpless frustration rises. ]
It feels like there's so much I need to fix, and Scratch is so far ahead of me. [ He's going to win the race and I won't have even gotten halfway.]
I should have told you about it, but I was so focused on fixing Return, I just forgot. Maybe what I should do is find a way to get a copy of Initiation and see what's in it.
[ It hadn't occurred to him to do that when he was there on the talk show. ]
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I'd say that the person living on the streets looks better than the person going to wild parties and assaulting paparazzi.
[ But logically, she's right. Back then, they would have had no reason to look at each other, much less stop when passing each other on the street. If they did.
It's not difficult for him to see now that he's gained some perspective that he was a highly unlikable person at his worst moments. Maybe he still is even now. All of his problems originated with himself, not with anyone else. He couldn't blame anyone else for how he turned out or for the choices he made. Even this mess with loops and stories and edits started with him. Everyone who got dragged in was dragged in because of him. It really is my fault. But I've had enough of pity parties. I'll fix it, if I can just find the right way.
Her eyes lock onto his again, and so he focuses his own back on her. ]
I know. I just thought that maybe if I told you that enough, that if I gave you... not permission, because you don't need anyone's permission. If I told you that it's all right if you leave, maybe it would make it easier. Better. But I know better than that, now. [ He shakes his head slowly. ] It's not hard to believe, because I know you. But it is hard for me to believe that anyone would go to these lengths to remember me. You and Alice are the only ones. [ And Barry. But I don't even know where Barry is.
He watches as her demeanor seems to shift. She's sliding back into being the Director. He knows that he much prefers the not so ordinary girl to the contained, controlled Director, but there are times when they have to slide into certain roles. She's just better at it than he is.
His eyes briefly close when her hands slide against his face. He likes it when she touches him: hands, arms, face, it's all something that he likes. He likes her hands too, for reasons he's still figuring out. Maybe it's because there's strength in those hands. Strength, capability, control... All things he doesn't have very much of anymore. ]
Yeah, I guess it does. But in case you wondered, suits are really uncomfortable. [ A part of him feels uncomfortable wearing them, but a hoodie or flannel wouldn't be received well on a talk show or book tour.
He presses his forehead against hers in return, an almost habitual gesture. It's just something the two of them do, and it feels right. ]
Initiation, it's the step in between departure and return. The... [ He has to stop and think about it. He had this conceptualized in his head once, but that was before writer's block set in and he ended up in Cauldron Lake with everything spinning out of his control. ]
The hero's journey. It's another one that I don't remember writing, but you probably knew that already.
[ His eyes slide closed again as the feeling of helpless frustration rises. ]
It feels like there's so much I need to fix, and Scratch is so far ahead of me. [ He's going to win the race and I won't have even gotten halfway.]
I should have told you about it, but I was so focused on fixing Return, I just forgot. Maybe what I should do is find a way to get a copy of Initiation and see what's in it.
[ It hadn't occurred to him to do that when he was there on the talk show. ]
But I don't know if that would even help.