[ His frame tenses and she squeezes his shoulders despite her own emotional reaction to her own memories. She has no way of knowing what his reactions are in his mind. Only how he tenses, the questions he asks, the way he straightens in response to what he's hearing. He's called her here to help, so she can't entirely lock herself under emotional control. She has to be open for his reactions and guide him when and where he needs it. Even if Polaris seems to really be the only one to understand what that is.
They don't know. They don't have a clue. What's real and what's imagined? There's no difference between the two.
That reaction resonates with her. Something familiar. He's said something like it before in a loop--maybe that very first time around. A piece that helped slide things into place as to how she felt about him. Curiosity and comradery turned into something more as the nights wore on. It took longer to get to Deerfest that time. The story started earlier, not closer to the date. She came to not only admire his determination and willingness to step up when he was obviously scared, but, came to love it. Him. There was something about it all that struck her as endearing. Something unique to him, and she was almost lucky to see it.
Someone else that lived through something horrifying and impossible and came out changed. Someone else that knew exactly what it was all like. Parautalitarian is just a word the Bureau uses to classify people like them. What she sees in Alan is someone changed by extraordinary circumstances, but can grasp onto it and make it his own and save lives. He's an asshole, and self-centered, self destructive. But, he's also caring, willing to take charge, and own his mistakes. It's a complicated duality but something so unique that makes him who he is: Alan Wake.
Somehow along the way it turned into more. He said he didn't write it that way, but, maybe it was always going to be that way. Two people on similar paths that meet and inevitably become entwined. She intended to keep it all to herself, locked up like everything else, but all it took was one kiss. Since then it's been a never ending ride, but, she can't say she'd let him take it away again. ]
...someone from a long time ago. [ Her voice is still small, quiet, vulnerable. Shoulders curl up slightly. ] Someone who doesn't matter anymore; who thought...
[ « It doesn't matter. Alan heard what happened. It was before the Oldest House, before the time in the institution. It doesn't matter now. What matters is how my life is now. Ending this AWE. Saving Saga's daughter. Bringing Alan home. »
She presses against him further as he continues with his explanations. Questions. Confusion. There's so much she could say. Things to express... feelings that he might need to know. But, she's not sure where to start or if any of them should be shared. Would he really want to hear them? Does he care that she's said she loves him?
Her hands slowly uncurl from his shoulders, travel down the tweed covered arms, then gently rest over his own on his knees. The shakes and tremors are obvious in her hands as they rest over his. Her face remains pressed into his hood. The smells remind her not only of an ocean, but Bright Falls too. Marks of where the last thirteen years have left him. Where he's been. ]
It's lonely. Being in the room without the poster and no one else sees it. Some see it but it's never the same as you see it. They can relate--but it's not the same. it's not the same. They're not changed; they don't have abilities or powers. They can be normal still. Go to parties, or holidays, have families. They share the same space and the same world... but they're not the same as you.
[ Jesse tenses then. Her eyes shut despite the fact she's hidden herself against his back, in his hood, anything to make herself feel smaller. She hates people seeing this side of her. The girl from Ordinary still trying to assert her place in the world with others around her. She's found her place in the world. The insane world with shifting doors and realities breaking into their own. She's found friends, colleagues, maybe even a slight father figure.
Dylan is still so far away. Now Alan is too, even with her hands holding onto his to anchor him despite how she trembles. ]
... I don't want to be alone in the room anymore. [ Her voice breaks, hitting a certain tone and frequency that he may have never heard before. ] Don't put me back in that room alone again. I don't--I can't--I'll pull you out of here if I have to. You can't...
[ She feels her head dip slightly as she slides down against his back. ]
...you can't walk in then disappear like everyone else. I won't let you.
[ Jesse turns her face further into the tweed jacket and feels the tears running steadily down her face. How can she save him if she's falling to pieces like this? It doesn't matter to her that they've spent so many loops to get to this point. It doesn't matter if they're both exhausted and t his only makes logical sense. She's supposed to be the hero. She can't break down in front of the person who needs to be saved. ]
no subject
They don't know. They don't have a clue. What's real and what's imagined? There's no difference between the two.
That reaction resonates with her. Something familiar. He's said something like it before in a loop--maybe that very first time around. A piece that helped slide things into place as to how she felt about him. Curiosity and comradery turned into something more as the nights wore on. It took longer to get to Deerfest that time. The story started earlier, not closer to the date. She came to not only admire his determination and willingness to step up when he was obviously scared, but, came to love it. Him. There was something about it all that struck her as endearing. Something unique to him, and she was almost lucky to see it.
Someone else that lived through something horrifying and impossible and came out changed. Someone else that knew exactly what it was all like. Parautalitarian is just a word the Bureau uses to classify people like them. What she sees in Alan is someone changed by extraordinary circumstances, but can grasp onto it and make it his own and save lives. He's an asshole, and self-centered, self destructive. But, he's also caring, willing to take charge, and own his mistakes. It's a complicated duality but something so unique that makes him who he is: Alan Wake.
Somehow along the way it turned into more. He said he didn't write it that way, but, maybe it was always going to be that way. Two people on similar paths that meet and inevitably become entwined. She intended to keep it all to herself, locked up like everything else, but all it took was one kiss. Since then it's been a never ending ride, but, she can't say she'd let him take it away again. ]
...someone from a long time ago. [ Her voice is still small, quiet, vulnerable. Shoulders curl up slightly. ] Someone who doesn't matter anymore; who thought...
[ « It doesn't matter. Alan heard what happened. It was before the Oldest House, before the time in the institution. It doesn't matter now. What matters is how my life is now. Ending this AWE. Saving Saga's daughter. Bringing Alan home. »
She presses against him further as he continues with his explanations. Questions. Confusion. There's so much she could say. Things to express... feelings that he might need to know. But, she's not sure where to start or if any of them should be shared. Would he really want to hear them? Does he care that she's said she loves him?
Her hands slowly uncurl from his shoulders, travel down the tweed covered arms, then gently rest over his own on his knees. The shakes and tremors are obvious in her hands as they rest over his. Her face remains pressed into his hood. The smells remind her not only of an ocean, but Bright Falls too. Marks of where the last thirteen years have left him. Where he's been. ]
It's lonely. Being in the room without the poster and no one else sees it. Some see it but it's never the same as you see it. They can relate--but it's not the same. it's not the same. They're not changed; they don't have abilities or powers. They can be normal still. Go to parties, or holidays, have families. They share the same space and the same world... but they're not the same as you.
[ Jesse tenses then. Her eyes shut despite the fact she's hidden herself against his back, in his hood, anything to make herself feel smaller. She hates people seeing this side of her. The girl from Ordinary still trying to assert her place in the world with others around her. She's found her place in the world. The insane world with shifting doors and realities breaking into their own. She's found friends, colleagues, maybe even a slight father figure.
Dylan is still so far away. Now Alan is too, even with her hands holding onto his to anchor him despite how she trembles. ]
... I don't want to be alone in the room anymore. [ Her voice breaks, hitting a certain tone and frequency that he may have never heard before. ] Don't put me back in that room alone again. I don't--I can't--I'll pull you out of here if I have to. You can't...
[ She feels her head dip slightly as she slides down against his back. ]
...you can't walk in then disappear like everyone else. I won't let you.
[ Jesse turns her face further into the tweed jacket and feels the tears running steadily down her face. How can she save him if she's falling to pieces like this? It doesn't matter to her that they've spent so many loops to get to this point. It doesn't matter if they're both exhausted and t his only makes logical sense. She's supposed to be the hero. She can't break down in front of the person who needs to be saved. ]