[ Alan is speaking again, and her attention goes back to him despite the back and forth with Polaris. She squeezes his hands. She's not leaving--it's just... words have never been her strong suit when it comes to personal things. Actions are better, but even then, she is so used to keeping it all inside.
It's why he broke up with her. She was too weird, too crazy, and could never seem to be enough of a normal person. He wasn't the sole reason she ended up being committed--the person she was with a lifetime ago. He was just the latest in the long string of dominos and she hit a wall. Then, she was committed. They tried trlling her Polaris wasn't real, that Ordinary happened. Her parents, Dylan, and everyone else in Oridnary died in an industrial accident. An accident like that doesn't kill nearly an entire town.
She knows that's why Polaris wants to share what she does. Something to show Alan that Polaris guided Jesse through something similar; she can guide him. She will guide him. He only needs to listen and act on what she's telling him.
Jesse's eyes widen as the flatten tone. He doesn't see the look of horror that comes into her eyes. She knows that tone, that voice. It's not Alan's even if it uses his voice to say it. It's the same as she heard in Bright Falls--when she sensed the Dark Presence in the land itself.
« I don't want him to hear it. But he has to, doesn't he? »
He speaks outloud during the recording and she squeezes his shoulders gently. Reassuringly. She knows he doesn't mean her or Polaris. Something else in his mind she won't understand. Maybe can't understand. Not her place to understand.
No, that's not Alan she hears in her mind. It's using his voice but it's not him. Something trying to force through the Hotline and she refuses to listen. She blocks it out.
She doesn't answer the question directed to her. Instead, she squeezes his shoulders again. It's a vulnerability she hates. One that she feels shows all the issues she tries to keep under lock and key. She told him once she was just as crazy... and now he'll know. Everyone leaves when they know. What if he decides she isn't what he needs and pushes her out the door?
The staic fades and begins to play the next message. ]
『 "You mentioned a poem last time we talked... by Thomas Zane."
Yes. "Beyond the shadow you settle for, there's a miracle illuminated."
"Hmm... I looked the poem up... only I could not find any poet by that name. I did find a European filmmaker who moved here in the sixties, named Thomas Zane."
What? I don't...
"No matter. It suits you very well, the poem. How you see things. Maybe you wrote it yourself?"
I didn't... 』
[ Jesse lowers her head as the message continues. She presses her face into the back his head, gently, never harsh or hard. She hates feeling exposed. Vulnerable. Alone in the madness that reality really is.
But, he needs to know. He needs to hear he isn't the only one who struggled. That she isn't some perfect well adjusted person to it all.
« Don't leave when you hear it. Please. Don't shut the door and kick me out. Don't leave me alone like everyone else who knew. » ]
『 "No matter. You've said a few times that you feel like "there's a piece of you missing." Can we talk about that?"
Okay. Yeah. it's this... I feel... an emptiness, a yearning for something that I think I lost.
"It is natural for you to feel that way. Your brother and your parents are dead."
No. No... Dylan's not dead. And... that's not even it.
"You are referring to the imaginary friend from your childhood."
Polaris... she's come back, after a long time. She's calling me... in a dream I saw. She showed me things.
"Jesse."
It felt more real than anything. As real as what happened in Ordinary. 』
[ Her arms move. They wrap around Alan's shoulders to help keep him upright, but also, to help keep her steady. Her head lowers to hide in the back of his shoulders. Her face presses against the hood of his hoodie. It smells like the forest and salt water. ]
『 No. It was a cover up. The government knows about it. There were agents there. Agents from... I don't know exactly. They took Dylan. They... I'll find them. I won't stop looking. Polaris wants me to go to New York. There's a... building there. I have to leave soon. I have to be there at a very specific time. Something... something hugely important is going to happen-
"Jesse, you know we can't let you go until you're well. And that begins by understanding what's real and what's imagined." 』
[ Jesse's arms wrap around tighter. Her face presses further into his hoodie to hide the few tears managing to escape.
The static only comes through briefly before tuning in once more. One more message. A voice that sounds like Alan's, but only because Jesse fears he'll one day say something similar. ]
『 "I don't know what hell is wrong with you. You know whatever you think happened in Ordinary wasn't real. An industrial accident, Jesse. Everyone confirmed it! None of it happened!"
That's NOT what happened! I was THERE! I know exactly what happened! Dyaln's not dead. I need to find him--I need help to find him. Where they took him! I can't... I haven't been able to find him on my own. Or the agency that took him...
"God, why the fuck are you like this?! Every single god damn time! I can't take this shit anymore with you. You know what? You don't need me. You need a god damn institution! Normal people aren't like this, Jesse! Fuck, can't you just be normal for once?"
W-what? I AM normal. This is what happened! I'm not lying. I promise, okay? I'm not. I wouldn't make this up... 』
[ A door slams over the message and then the radio cuts. The Writer's Room falls quiet again.
Finally, Jesse speaks. Her voice small, vulnerable, shaky. Yet, that determination is still there. ]
Yes, Alan Wake is real. What happened in Bright Falls in 2010 was real. His famous books are movies now--thay even more own team in the Bureau loved to see. Alan Wake was married to Alice, and she produced a movie for everyone to see the real Alan Wake in. Not the one rumors and urban legends made up. The real Alan Wake.
Here, in this room with me.
You're just as real as Polaris is. Ordinary. Bright Falls. More real than anything else. [ Her arms at his shoulders curl tighter as she presses her face more into his back. ] And you will come home. I'll make sure of it. Because I'm waiting for you--even if no one else is. Waiting to be with MY Alan. The one who reached out on the Hotline--alive and real. The person I've wanted to meet ever since you sent me into the Investigations Sector.
[ Jesse pauses as her voice breaks. ] Because, he's like me. He knows the way the world really is. How the room looks with the poster torn down and the hole in the wall exposed for all to see.
You called us here to help. And... I'll make damn sure you come home. Because no one else should go through what I did alone.
no subject
It's why he broke up with her. She was too weird, too crazy, and could never seem to be enough of a normal person. He wasn't the sole reason she ended up being committed--the person she was with a lifetime ago. He was just the latest in the long string of dominos and she hit a wall. Then, she was committed. They tried trlling her Polaris wasn't real, that Ordinary happened. Her parents, Dylan, and everyone else in Oridnary died in an industrial accident. An accident like that doesn't kill nearly an entire town.
She knows that's why Polaris wants to share what she does. Something to show Alan that Polaris guided Jesse through something similar; she can guide him. She will guide him. He only needs to listen and act on what she's telling him.
Jesse's eyes widen as the flatten tone. He doesn't see the look of horror that comes into her eyes. She knows that tone, that voice. It's not Alan's even if it uses his voice to say it. It's the same as she heard in Bright Falls--when she sensed the Dark Presence in the land itself.
« I don't want him to hear it. But he has to, doesn't he? »
He speaks outloud during the recording and she squeezes his shoulders gently. Reassuringly. She knows he doesn't mean her or Polaris. Something else in his mind she won't understand. Maybe can't understand. Not her place to understand.
No, that's not Alan she hears in her mind. It's using his voice but it's not him. Something trying to force through the Hotline and she refuses to listen. She blocks it out.
She doesn't answer the question directed to her. Instead, she squeezes his shoulders again. It's a vulnerability she hates. One that she feels shows all the issues she tries to keep under lock and key. She told him once she was just as crazy... and now he'll know. Everyone leaves when they know. What if he decides she isn't what he needs and pushes her out the door?
The staic fades and begins to play the next message. ]
『 "You mentioned a poem last time we talked... by Thomas Zane."
Yes. "Beyond the shadow you settle for, there's a miracle illuminated."
"Hmm... I looked the poem up... only I could not find any poet by that name. I did find a European filmmaker who moved here in the sixties, named Thomas Zane."
What? I don't...
"No matter. It suits you very well, the poem. How you see things. Maybe you wrote it yourself?"
I didn't... 』
[ Jesse lowers her head as the message continues. She presses her face into the back his head, gently, never harsh or hard. She hates feeling exposed. Vulnerable. Alone in the madness that reality really is.
But, he needs to know. He needs to hear he isn't the only one who struggled. That she isn't some perfect well adjusted person to it all.
« Don't leave when you hear it. Please. Don't shut the door and kick me out. Don't leave me alone like everyone else who knew. » ]
『 "No matter. You've said a few times that you feel like "there's a piece of you missing." Can we talk about that?"
Okay. Yeah. it's this... I feel... an emptiness, a yearning for something that I think I lost.
"It is natural for you to feel that way. Your brother and your parents are dead."
No. No... Dylan's not dead. And... that's not even it.
"You are referring to the imaginary friend from your childhood."
Polaris... she's come back, after a long time. She's calling me... in a dream I saw. She showed me things.
"Jesse."
It felt more real than anything. As real as what happened in Ordinary. 』
[ Her arms move. They wrap around Alan's shoulders to help keep him upright, but also, to help keep her steady. Her head lowers to hide in the back of his shoulders. Her face presses against the hood of his hoodie. It smells like the forest and salt water. ]
『 No. It was a cover up. The government knows about it. There were agents there. Agents from... I don't know exactly. They took Dylan. They... I'll find them. I won't stop looking. Polaris wants me to go to New York. There's a... building there. I have to leave soon. I have to be there at a very specific time. Something... something hugely important is going to happen-
"Jesse, you know we can't let you go until you're well. And that begins by understanding what's real and what's imagined." 』
[ Jesse's arms wrap around tighter. Her face presses further into his hoodie to hide the few tears managing to escape.
The static only comes through briefly before tuning in once more. One more message. A voice that sounds like Alan's, but only because Jesse fears he'll one day say something similar. ]
『 "I don't know what hell is wrong with you. You know whatever you think happened in Ordinary wasn't real. An industrial accident, Jesse. Everyone confirmed it! None of it happened!"
That's NOT what happened! I was THERE! I know exactly what happened! Dyaln's not dead. I need to find him--I need help to find him. Where they took him! I can't... I haven't been able to find him on my own. Or the agency that took him...
"God, why the fuck are you like this?! Every single god damn time! I can't take this shit anymore with you. You know what? You don't need me. You need a god damn institution! Normal people aren't like this, Jesse! Fuck, can't you just be normal for once?"
W-what? I AM normal. This is what happened! I'm not lying. I promise, okay? I'm not. I wouldn't make this up... 』
[ A door slams over the message and then the radio cuts. The Writer's Room falls quiet again.
Finally, Jesse speaks. Her voice small, vulnerable, shaky. Yet, that determination is still there. ]
Yes, Alan Wake is real. What happened in Bright Falls in 2010 was real. His famous books are movies now--thay even more own team in the Bureau loved to see. Alan Wake was married to Alice, and she produced a movie for everyone to see the real Alan Wake in. Not the one rumors and urban legends made up. The real Alan Wake.
Here, in this room with me.
You're just as real as Polaris is. Ordinary. Bright Falls. More real than anything else. [ Her arms at his shoulders curl tighter as she presses her face more into his back. ] And you will come home. I'll make sure of it. Because I'm waiting for you--even if no one else is. Waiting to be with MY Alan. The one who reached out on the Hotline--alive and real. The person I've wanted to meet ever since you sent me into the Investigations Sector.
[ Jesse pauses as her voice breaks. ] Because, he's like me. He knows the way the world really is. How the room looks with the poster torn down and the hole in the wall exposed for all to see.
You called us here to help. And... I'll make damn sure you come home. Because no one else should go through what I did alone.