[ Alan has gone deep, dived deep beneath the waves, but the funny thing is, although they wash him out, pull him away, he's not gone, not yet. He's still there, still trying to fight, and there's still some semblance of strength inside him. He just has to tap into it. Or maybe that strength, that spark, whichever it is, just needs to be turned on. Flicked like a light switch or an angel lamp.
The switch has been flicked, and Alan feels Polaris' resonance wash over him; it's warm and gentle, but there's power behind it. Strength. Strength that comes alongside his own diminished reservoir and bolsters it. It bolsters hers the most, but there's enough of a residual effect that Alan benefits from it too. It hasn't fully driven away the darkness that seems to be stifling that spark, but he can feel it.
He'd lose himself in it, allow it to wash over him completely, but then Jesse's nodding and that warm feeling disappears, replaced by the feeling of having a bucket of ice cold water thrown over him. She's here. How? Because I called her? Stupid! I never wanted her to come here. To risk trapping her here too. What was I thinking?
Alan's anger isn't directed at Jesse at all; no, it's his fault that she's here, his fault for calling her in a moment of weakness and desperation. He feels her hands sliding over his face, cupping it between them, and he's torn between leaning into the touch and lurching away as a feeling of self-reproach settles in. ]
The beach. All of us were there. [ He's searching through his thoughts as if he has to work to bring forward the memory of what she's referring to. What loop she's referring to. ] Yes. I remember.
[ Scratch was inside him. Or he was Scratch. Where did Scratch end and Alan begin? Some of the details are obscured, blocked out, because just how present was he during those moments on the beach? Alan's willing to bet he wasn't present at all, which had to have been terrifying for everyone else.
The details are faint, but he remembers the waves rolling back and seeing everyone there, but only really seeing Jesse. He remembers reaching for her, or trying to, and then... then there was a sensation of falling followed by nothing. Nothing at all, until he woke back up in this room with a jerk and a gasp.
That's right. They had to put me down to stop me. To stop Scratch. I put them in danger. I'm STILL putting them in danger. She's in danger just standing here. Well, floating here.
But he silences his thoughts long enough to listen to her explanation of how it feels to her when the loop resets. He finds himself nodding in agreement. It's a little different for him, but the idea remains the same. ]
I've done it so many times now, you'd think that I'd be used to it. But you don't get used to it, do you? I always wake up here, and it's always jarring as hell. But- Door and his demented talk show?
[ Alan's shaking his head. He remembers going through that, at least in parts. Everything about it was weird as hell, from the words Door said during the talk show itself and the strange musical number that followed it. He's already thought that maybe it's best he forgets that particular detail. It's not something useful, really, at least not to him. ]
I don't understand any of this. [ He'd raise a hand to scrub at his eyes if not for how their foreheads were pressed together. ]
I- [ Whatever he was about to say (an apology, an expression of anger at himself for selfishly bringing her here) is stopped by the way her lips brush against his. Softly, not deeply, but enough that he can feel her. It's not a dream, is it? This is real.
In spite of himself, Alan finds himself leaning into the kiss, pressing his lips against hers to deepen it. Now he's the one with a need and a hunger driving him. But first, before he loses himself in this moment with her, he just needs to say one thing. It's whispered against her lips, quietly that if they were in a crowded room, it might have gone unnoticed. But here in the relative silence of this room, even a whisper can be heard. ]
I'm sorry. Sorry for what I've put you through.
[ And for what? To save me? Is all of this really worth it? I know she'll say yes, but I'm only causing her more trouble. No, I don't want to think like that. She's here, she's trying to help. Focus on that.
Polaris' resonance can still be felt, and even as Alan's kissing Jesse, he's reaching for that resonance, trying to open the door inside him to fully let it in. ]
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The switch has been flicked, and Alan feels Polaris' resonance wash over him; it's warm and gentle, but there's power behind it. Strength. Strength that comes alongside his own diminished reservoir and bolsters it. It bolsters hers the most, but there's enough of a residual effect that Alan benefits from it too. It hasn't fully driven away the darkness that seems to be stifling that spark, but he can feel it.
He'd lose himself in it, allow it to wash over him completely, but then Jesse's nodding and that warm feeling disappears, replaced by the feeling of having a bucket of ice cold water thrown over him. She's here. How? Because I called her? Stupid! I never wanted her to come here. To risk trapping her here too. What was I thinking?
Alan's anger isn't directed at Jesse at all; no, it's his fault that she's here, his fault for calling her in a moment of weakness and desperation. He feels her hands sliding over his face, cupping it between them, and he's torn between leaning into the touch and lurching away as a feeling of self-reproach settles in. ]
The beach. All of us were there. [ He's searching through his thoughts as if he has to work to bring forward the memory of what she's referring to. What loop she's referring to. ] Yes. I remember.
[ Scratch was inside him. Or he was Scratch. Where did Scratch end and Alan begin? Some of the details are obscured, blocked out, because just how present was he during those moments on the beach? Alan's willing to bet he wasn't present at all, which had to have been terrifying for everyone else.
The details are faint, but he remembers the waves rolling back and seeing everyone there, but only really seeing Jesse. He remembers reaching for her, or trying to, and then... then there was a sensation of falling followed by nothing. Nothing at all, until he woke back up in this room with a jerk and a gasp.
That's right. They had to put me down to stop me. To stop Scratch. I put them in danger. I'm STILL putting them in danger. She's in danger just standing here. Well, floating here.
But he silences his thoughts long enough to listen to her explanation of how it feels to her when the loop resets. He finds himself nodding in agreement. It's a little different for him, but the idea remains the same. ]
I've done it so many times now, you'd think that I'd be used to it. But you don't get used to it, do you? I always wake up here, and it's always jarring as hell. But- Door and his demented talk show?
[ Alan's shaking his head. He remembers going through that, at least in parts. Everything about it was weird as hell, from the words Door said during the talk show itself and the strange musical number that followed it. He's already thought that maybe it's best he forgets that particular detail. It's not something useful, really, at least not to him. ]
I don't understand any of this. [ He'd raise a hand to scrub at his eyes if not for how their foreheads were pressed together. ]
I- [ Whatever he was about to say (an apology, an expression of anger at himself for selfishly bringing her here) is stopped by the way her lips brush against his. Softly, not deeply, but enough that he can feel her. It's not a dream, is it? This is real.
In spite of himself, Alan finds himself leaning into the kiss, pressing his lips against hers to deepen it. Now he's the one with a need and a hunger driving him. But first, before he loses himself in this moment with her, he just needs to say one thing. It's whispered against her lips, quietly that if they were in a crowded room, it might have gone unnoticed. But here in the relative silence of this room, even a whisper can be heard. ]
I'm sorry. Sorry for what I've put you through.
[ And for what? To save me? Is all of this really worth it? I know she'll say yes, but I'm only causing her more trouble. No, I don't want to think like that. She's here, she's trying to help. Focus on that.
Polaris' resonance can still be felt, and even as Alan's kissing Jesse, he's reaching for that resonance, trying to open the door inside him to fully let it in. ]