[ Alan's expression doesn't change, but a scream seems to echo in his mind. For just a second, he's transported back into a windowed room, and he hears the frustrated scream and the thud of a typewriter that's been hurled against the wall.
You're not there. You're here, you're out. You're OUT.
He feels her tugging at his fingers and he instantly leans into that touch, allowing himself to finally take a step forward, and then another until he's at the side of the bed. He doesn't want to drown; he doesn't want the waves to come back in and pull him out with them. He wants the connection between them again, and he's all too willing to open himself up to it. ]
Something worse? [ His expression sobers, and a sort of darkness falls over his eyes for a moment. He only has his frame of reference, but in his mind, "something worse" usually means something wild and feral, tearing at you and pulling away pieces of you until nothing's left. He hopes that's not the kind of "something worse" Jesse means. ]
You're really both all right? Whatever happened, it's- has that happened to you before?
[ He's grasping at what he can, trying to understand. Trying to take what he can learn to use it, in hopes that maybe someone can use the information to stop this from happening again. It probably won't be him. It'll most likely be Jesse herself, or Steve. Or Estevez. They have more experience than he does. He's just a man groping blindly in the dark and trying to make sense of it all. ]
All right. If you're sure. [ He'd be lying if he said he didn't want to join her in the bed. His own need for rest is pulling at his mind and his body but he's been pushing it away in the interest of being there for her. And, of course, the bruise on his side chooses that moment to twinge as if reminding him he hasn't come through it all unscathed either.
But in this moment, his well-being isn't at the forefront of his mind. No, he's focused on her and what she needs, and he watches closely as she moves to one side of the bed, moving the blankets and sheets so that he can get in next to her. It seems clear enough that she won't accept anything but him joining her in the bed, so he finally slides in beside her wincing briefly as he tries to position himself in a way that makes his bruised side hurt less.
In the end, he ends up lying down so that he's on his back but as close to her as he dares to get. He's close enough that she can rest her head against his shoulder, an action that makes him smile. Only then does he slide in a fraction closer, because he realizes he doesn't want there to be space between them. He doesn't want to jar her unnecessarily, as that only makes his side ache more, but he just wants to be with her. Touching her.
Finally, once he's satisfied with where he's positioned, he looks at her, worry still plain in his eyes. His fingers curl against hers, wanting to hold her hand tightly but still gently. ]
I know. Saga tried to reach me too, probably after it didn't work with you. [ But Saga's intrusion didn't affect him the same way. He knows it didn't, and it bothers him that the FBI agent is responsible for Jesse being down for the count. ]
I- Did it feel like that when I tried to reach you? [ She's never said that it did, and he remembers saying that Polaris didn't flare up in defense, but now he wonders. Was that really the way it went? Did Polaris react and he didn't realize it?
But then his smile fades and a look of confusion crosses his face. ]
The Board? I've never heard of them. Of course, why would I? I'm guessing most people don't know a thing about them. Wait. Wait.
[ No. I do know something. Maybe not anything concrete. Maybe nothing that makes sense, but- ]
I know this. There was a threat. And- and... [ Alan's voice shakes and he feels himself start to shake too. ] I changed it.
[ "No. No, you're not doing that to her. I- I refuse to accept it. I have to change the story. This can't be the story! I promised her I'd..."
The words echo in Alan's mind and his frown deepens as snippets of memories enter and exit his mind and he tries to turn those snippets into something whole. But first things first, he has one thing he has to say before he gets too distracted and forgets about it. ]
Jesse, I'm sorry. [ He's apologized before, but now it feels different. ] I'm sorry that I brought you into this.
no subject
You're not there. You're here, you're out. You're OUT.
He feels her tugging at his fingers and he instantly leans into that touch, allowing himself to finally take a step forward, and then another until he's at the side of the bed. He doesn't want to drown; he doesn't want the waves to come back in and pull him out with them. He wants the connection between them again, and he's all too willing to open himself up to it. ]
Something worse? [ His expression sobers, and a sort of darkness falls over his eyes for a moment. He only has his frame of reference, but in his mind, "something worse" usually means something wild and feral, tearing at you and pulling away pieces of you until nothing's left. He hopes that's not the kind of "something worse" Jesse means. ]
You're really both all right? Whatever happened, it's- has that happened to you before?
[ He's grasping at what he can, trying to understand. Trying to take what he can learn to use it, in hopes that maybe someone can use the information to stop this from happening again. It probably won't be him. It'll most likely be Jesse herself, or Steve. Or Estevez. They have more experience than he does. He's just a man groping blindly in the dark and trying to make sense of it all. ]
All right. If you're sure. [ He'd be lying if he said he didn't want to join her in the bed. His own need for rest is pulling at his mind and his body but he's been pushing it away in the interest of being there for her. And, of course, the bruise on his side chooses that moment to twinge as if reminding him he hasn't come through it all unscathed either.
But in this moment, his well-being isn't at the forefront of his mind. No, he's focused on her and what she needs, and he watches closely as she moves to one side of the bed, moving the blankets and sheets so that he can get in next to her. It seems clear enough that she won't accept anything but him joining her in the bed, so he finally slides in beside her wincing briefly as he tries to position himself in a way that makes his bruised side hurt less.
In the end, he ends up lying down so that he's on his back but as close to her as he dares to get. He's close enough that she can rest her head against his shoulder, an action that makes him smile. Only then does he slide in a fraction closer, because he realizes he doesn't want there to be space between them. He doesn't want to jar her unnecessarily, as that only makes his side ache more, but he just wants to be with her. Touching her.
Finally, once he's satisfied with where he's positioned, he looks at her, worry still plain in his eyes. His fingers curl against hers, wanting to hold her hand tightly but still gently. ]
I know. Saga tried to reach me too, probably after it didn't work with you. [ But Saga's intrusion didn't affect him the same way. He knows it didn't, and it bothers him that the FBI agent is responsible for Jesse being down for the count. ]
I- Did it feel like that when I tried to reach you? [ She's never said that it did, and he remembers saying that Polaris didn't flare up in defense, but now he wonders. Was that really the way it went? Did Polaris react and he didn't realize it?
But then his smile fades and a look of confusion crosses his face. ]
The Board? I've never heard of them. Of course, why would I? I'm guessing most people don't know a thing about them. Wait. Wait.
[ No. I do know something. Maybe not anything concrete. Maybe nothing that makes sense, but- ]
I know this. There was a threat. And- and... [ Alan's voice shakes and he feels himself start to shake too. ] I changed it.
[ "No. No, you're not doing that to her. I- I refuse to accept it. I have to change the story. This can't be the story! I promised her I'd..."
The words echo in Alan's mind and his frown deepens as snippets of memories enter and exit his mind and he tries to turn those snippets into something whole. But first things first, he has one thing he has to say before he gets too distracted and forgets about it. ]
Jesse, I'm sorry. [ He's apologized before, but now it feels different. ] I'm sorry that I brought you into this.