[ He hadn't just taken her choice away or changed the story. He had removed their relationship entirely--at least, that was how it felt. Every time she tried to bring it back, the story stopped it. It would end. Someone would die. It would loop to the start with changes made. Was it the story or was it him? Jesse had decided on it was Alan that had done it... but after seeing the editted page and the few things he had said in the last hour?
Maybe it wasn't Alan.
Maybe the story tied to keep it out once it realized someone else was in control. It--Scratch--fought back. Why? If Scratch wanted to be Alan, then wouldn't he have tried to take her? It couldn't be just because of Polaris... or maybe it's because it makes something change in Alan. Something his doppleganger can't replicate or take into himself.
Or, she's overthinking it, and it all really lies at Alan's feet.
« None of that matters now. Because he found a way for us to be real. Even if none of it would make sense to anyone else. It's not like it's harder to believe than alien entities living at the bottom of a lake that's a doorway to another reality. »
"What the hell? Come on, Jesse. This isn't the time." // "Really. Right in front of your agents? You're the Director. You should probably act like it, you know." // "The sun is going DOWN. We don't have time for this! Turn on the lights. Turn them on, right now. Why aren't you turning them on?!" // "Get off me. What the fuck are you doing?!"
Jesse isn't sure where the sudden barrage of thoughts in his voice come from. Or why she would even think he'd pull away. They aren't her thoughts, and she's damn sure they aren't Alan's. Her own insecurities have only ever taken his voice on once, and even then those words were what someone else had told her. Someone a long, long time ago.
No, reality is that he's returning the gesture. Immediately with no hesitation. Just as he had moments ago when making his statement he was awake and here with her.
« He's not leaving. He's not going to take it away again. He... he wants this to be as real as I do. Doesn't he? It's not my imagination or what i want projecting onto him... is it? No, it can't be. He has to want it as much as I do. He did once--he said so. Why would it be any different now? This story, reality, whatever the fuck it is won't change that. I KNOW that. »
Her still shaking hands leave his in order to rest on either side of his face. Jesse pulls him further into the kiss. Her heart pounds as all of the emotions feel like they're flooding back at full force. They were always there this loop, but now it feels a veil has been lifted and they encompass her all at once.
Love, yearning, hunger, loneliness, desperatation. Fingers curl slightly into his beard to feel the dirt and mud there. Her lips brush along his, mumbling his name against them. Only loud enough for him to hear.
« He... doesn't taste like salt water now. Just, eveything else that's on him. Mud, dirt. » ]
You're really out. [ Her voice doesn't raise above the mumble against his lips. ] You're here--home.
no subject
Maybe it wasn't Alan.
Maybe the story tied to keep it out once it realized someone else was in control. It--Scratch--fought back. Why? If Scratch wanted to be Alan, then wouldn't he have tried to take her? It couldn't be just because of Polaris... or maybe it's because it makes something change in Alan. Something his doppleganger can't replicate or take into himself.
Or, she's overthinking it, and it all really lies at Alan's feet.
« None of that matters now. Because he found a way for us to be real. Even if none of it would make sense to anyone else. It's not like it's harder to believe than alien entities living at the bottom of a lake that's a doorway to another reality. »
"What the hell? Come on, Jesse. This isn't the time." // "Really. Right in front of your agents? You're the Director. You should probably act like it, you know." // "The sun is going DOWN. We don't have time for this! Turn on the lights. Turn them on, right now. Why aren't you turning them on?!" // "Get off me. What the fuck are you doing?!"
Jesse isn't sure where the sudden barrage of thoughts in his voice come from. Or why she would even think he'd pull away. They aren't her thoughts, and she's damn sure they aren't Alan's. Her own insecurities have only ever taken his voice on once, and even then those words were what someone else had told her. Someone a long, long time ago.
No, reality is that he's returning the gesture. Immediately with no hesitation. Just as he had moments ago when making his statement he was awake and here with her.
« He's not leaving. He's not going to take it away again. He... he wants this to be as real as I do. Doesn't he? It's not my imagination or what i want projecting onto him... is it? No, it can't be. He has to want it as much as I do. He did once--he said so. Why would it be any different now? This story, reality, whatever the fuck it is won't change that. I KNOW that. »
Her still shaking hands leave his in order to rest on either side of his face. Jesse pulls him further into the kiss. Her heart pounds as all of the emotions feel like they're flooding back at full force. They were always there this loop, but now it feels a veil has been lifted and they encompass her all at once.
Love, yearning, hunger, loneliness, desperatation. Fingers curl slightly into his beard to feel the dirt and mud there. Her lips brush along his, mumbling his name against them. Only loud enough for him to hear.
« He... doesn't taste like salt water now. Just, eveything else that's on him. Mud, dirt. » ]
You're really out. [ Her voice doesn't raise above the mumble against his lips. ] You're here--home.