[ If he could do it again, if he could go back to the start of it all, would he leave the story unchanged? Let the two of them come together, find each other, find love, and then have it all ripped away by Scratch, because he got his hands on the manuscript and altered it?
His immediate, first instinct is to answer no, he could not. That's why he changed it in the first place. He couldn't bear to leave the story the way it was, even if, by changing it, he took away Jesse's right to choose for herself. He did it because he loves her, and couldn't stand the thought of her meeting her death like that. He can't stand the thought of her dying at all, if he's being honest, but seeing that printed on the page was too much for him.
But she was angry about what he'd done, and so she demanded that he fix it. He did, and he apologized, and he had several bad moments agonizing about how to write the story and put them back into it in a way that didn't leave loopholes or weaknesses for the Dark Presence to exploit. He couldn't bear it if it happened again because he didn't cover up all the loopholes that he could think of. But in the end, he realized that he simply couldn't account for every possibility. He'd just have to trust that Jesse and Polaris could work with what was in the story and find ways around it when they could.
In the present, Alan's eyes also stay focused on Jesse's. It's not hard, when they pull him in. But he's looking at her, asking her to trust him, to believe that he won't let her down this time. Letting her down is unthinkable. Letting her down by endangering her entire team is somehow even worse.
This story isn't your playground.
Has he been guilty of treating it as such? Of treating people's lives as pieces on a chessboard that he moves around according to his whims? The person who said that sharply worded statement certainly thought so.
Alan realizes that even though determination is driving him, he's afraid too. Afraid that this is a bad decision. Afraid of the very same thing that Jesse is, even if he doesn't realize it: what if, the second she looks away, he slips?
Am I asking her for too much? Asking her to trust me when even I'm not completely confident that I won't get dragged down again?
His doubts surface, and his mind threatens to spin away, but his expression hardens briefly as if trying to focus on that determination that rose up just moments ago. He can't allow the doubts to take hold, not now. Jesse might be feeling reality trying to shift, but for Alan, all he feels is his convictions shifting, threatening to give way beneath him. But before they can fall too far, something pulls him back. No, not just something. Someone.
He feels Jesse's grip on his hands tighten and feels her lips press against his. Instinctively, immediately, he's returning the kiss, not caring who sees. When she kisses him, everything around him fades away until it's just the two of them pouring out how they feel into one single gesture.
They'll have to move at some point, because the story will make them move, but for now, all Alan wants is to just have this moment. ]
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His immediate, first instinct is to answer no, he could not. That's why he changed it in the first place. He couldn't bear to leave the story the way it was, even if, by changing it, he took away Jesse's right to choose for herself. He did it because he loves her, and couldn't stand the thought of her meeting her death like that. He can't stand the thought of her dying at all, if he's being honest, but seeing that printed on the page was too much for him.
But she was angry about what he'd done, and so she demanded that he fix it. He did, and he apologized, and he had several bad moments agonizing about how to write the story and put them back into it in a way that didn't leave loopholes or weaknesses for the Dark Presence to exploit. He couldn't bear it if it happened again because he didn't cover up all the loopholes that he could think of. But in the end, he realized that he simply couldn't account for every possibility. He'd just have to trust that Jesse and Polaris could work with what was in the story and find ways around it when they could.
In the present, Alan's eyes also stay focused on Jesse's. It's not hard, when they pull him in. But he's looking at her, asking her to trust him, to believe that he won't let her down this time. Letting her down is unthinkable. Letting her down by endangering her entire team is somehow even worse.
This story isn't your playground.
Has he been guilty of treating it as such? Of treating people's lives as pieces on a chessboard that he moves around according to his whims? The person who said that sharply worded statement certainly thought so.
Alan realizes that even though determination is driving him, he's afraid too. Afraid that this is a bad decision. Afraid of the very same thing that Jesse is, even if he doesn't realize it: what if, the second she looks away, he slips?
Am I asking her for too much? Asking her to trust me when even I'm not completely confident that I won't get dragged down again?
His doubts surface, and his mind threatens to spin away, but his expression hardens briefly as if trying to focus on that determination that rose up just moments ago. He can't allow the doubts to take hold, not now. Jesse might be feeling reality trying to shift, but for Alan, all he feels is his convictions shifting, threatening to give way beneath him. But before they can fall too far, something pulls him back. No, not just something. Someone.
He feels Jesse's grip on his hands tighten and feels her lips press against his. Instinctively, immediately, he's returning the kiss, not caring who sees. When she kisses him, everything around him fades away until it's just the two of them pouring out how they feel into one single gesture.
They'll have to move at some point, because the story will make them move, but for now, all Alan wants is to just have this moment. ]