Yeah.. Yeah, it was. Thirteen years too long. [ He tries to laugh, as if to attempt normalizing what he's been through. It doesn't quite work, and his laugh sounds hollow to his ears. ] But, uh- [ He hates how his thoughts just seem to form and then fade before he can complete them. It seems that his grasp of words and language isn't at its best. ]
Never mind. [ Whatever it was that he was going to say disappeared, and he just shakes his head in annoyance and disappointment with himself. ]
By the way... [ He can't remember if he's said this before now or not, so he figures there's no harm in saying it again. ] Thanks.
[ For not turning around and leaving me here when you saw. For also not throwing me into the nuthouse. At least, not yet. I guess that's still a possibility. She still could do that, or turn me into the Bureau. Poking and prodding, that sounds like a great time. Oh, great, why did I have to think about that?
Alan's fingers curl around the menu he's still holding onto, even though he's no longer looking at it. He's looking at Jesse, but his mind is trying to wander away again despite his best efforts to stop it.
Got any tips for how to deal with a crazed mind? He'd ask that, but he's not sure she'd have anything to offer, and he's not so sure he wants to reveal just how messed up he actually is, even though she's probably guessed. Anyone with half a brain could see the signs, unfortunately. ]
About that. You- you really don't have to say anything if you don't want to. I know I asked, but... [ A part of him wants to demand to hear her story, to demand information, but does he have the right to demand anything? There's still a part of him that's the volatile-tempered man from thirteen years ago. His long isolation tempered some of that, but there's still a bit of it still inside him.
He can't explain it, but part of him wants to throw a punch at someone- something. Not Jesse, who's only been trying to help, and not Steve, but... maybe a few banged up fingers will snap him out of this messed up state. Maybe he just wants to feel something other than shellshocked confusion. Maybe whenever Jesse goes off to do Director things or whatever it is she does that isn't talking to crazies like him, he can find a nice wall to siphon off some of his feelings. ]
no subject
Never mind. [ Whatever it was that he was going to say disappeared, and he just shakes his head in annoyance and disappointment with himself. ]
By the way... [ He can't remember if he's said this before now or not, so he figures there's no harm in saying it again. ] Thanks.
[ For not turning around and leaving me here when you saw. For also not throwing me into the nuthouse. At least, not yet. I guess that's still a possibility. She still could do that, or turn me into the Bureau. Poking and prodding, that sounds like a great time. Oh, great, why did I have to think about that?
Alan's fingers curl around the menu he's still holding onto, even though he's no longer looking at it. He's looking at Jesse, but his mind is trying to wander away again despite his best efforts to stop it.
Got any tips for how to deal with a crazed mind? He'd ask that, but he's not sure she'd have anything to offer, and he's not so sure he wants to reveal just how messed up he actually is, even though she's probably guessed. Anyone with half a brain could see the signs, unfortunately. ]
About that. You- you really don't have to say anything if you don't want to. I know I asked, but... [ A part of him wants to demand to hear her story, to demand information, but does he have the right to demand anything? There's still a part of him that's the volatile-tempered man from thirteen years ago. His long isolation tempered some of that, but there's still a bit of it still inside him.
He can't explain it, but part of him wants to throw a punch at someone- something. Not Jesse, who's only been trying to help, and not Steve, but... maybe a few banged up fingers will snap him out of this messed up state. Maybe he just wants to feel something other than shellshocked confusion. Maybe whenever Jesse goes off to do Director things or whatever it is she does that isn't talking to crazies like him, he can find a nice wall to siphon off some of his feelings. ]